


Glowing hearts and hateful soulmates

by LauraWinchester



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Twins, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Brotherly Love, Bullying, Declarations Of Love, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Homosexuality, Fluff and Smut, Football Player Dean, Homophobia, Homosexuality, Loneliness, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Nerd Castiel, Requited Love, Romance, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Smut, Soulmates, True Love, Usage of pornographical gifs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-06 14:11:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 77,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1860936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauraWinchester/pseuds/LauraWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hundred years ago people started to show the symptoms for the first time. The symptoms for what people thought of an illness called 'glowing hearts'. An illness without a cure. Hundred years later there is no person alive without those glowing hearts. The second a human being turns eighteen, their body matures and starts to search for their one and only soulmate. When found their hearts will instantly start to glow in their chest.<br/>In a world where your soulmate is chosen for you, Castiel decides to choose his own path. He must face off with people who torment him and make his life a living hell. However, when the opportunity comes to face his attackers, he takes it. What happens as the slow build between the tormented, Cas, and tormentor, Dean becomes something more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Problem Child

**Author's Note:**

> So since my first Destiel fanfiction was actually read by a couple of people (hehehe thanks and love to everybody) I started my second one which is even longer than the last!! It was again inspired by a lovely fic from tumblr!  
> This time I even got myself a lovely beta-reader who I very much thank for putting up with all my bullshit writing and for her lovely reactions to the fic which made it so much more amusing and fun to write  
> Check her account out as well cause that lovely girl is a writer as well: enochian_assbutt_castiel  
> Have fun and I hope you enjoy my newest fic!! :3

Disgusting, pathetic, loopy, asshole, cocksucker, faggot, sissy, queer, fairy, pansy, fag, and homo.

There was no insult for a homosexual that Castiel hadn’t heard directed to him all his life, especially in high school. He had been bullied and pushed around since it first came out that he was gay, four years ago in his freshmen year. His older brother protected Cas best he could being the most popular kid in school.

While Castiel was both the disappointment to his siblings and a studious student his big brother Balthazar was prom-king, quarterback, school- president and the most desired male student. He was Cas’ only protection. However, he had graduated the summer before, leaving Castiel to face his last year in hell. What made the situation worse was Balthazar had received a scholarship for the University of New York and had left a few months ago in order to look over his dorm and move in.

Now Castiel was alone with no one to talk to or find some comfort with. Of course he and Balthazar still spoke, to a minimum that is. They tried, but being the social guy Balthazar was he was always needing to cut calls short due to having to meet with friends, having homework to do, or having matches to attend. Although Castiel was happy for his older brother, glad even, that he had managed to fulfill his dream and leave everything in Kansas that had haunted the brothers over the years, he couldn’t help but pity himself and feel so utterly alone. That feeling would only worsen when he received a call from Balthazar, his voice full of excitement. It would be this moment that Castiel would begin to hate his life completely.

Balthazar finally announced that he had finally found her, his soulmate. That his heart had lit up like a star, as well as hers. He wouldn’t shut up about how amazing, beautiful and perfect his girlfriend Bela Tabot was and how happy he was that it had only taken a year to find her. He described every little detail about her from her bluish, green eyes to her delicate yet curvy body. Balthazar talked about her finely sculpted lips and the brown of her hair that changed from hazel at the top of her head to a dark brown honey at the ends. He talked about the way it fell a little wavy but not really curly around her shoulders and how beautiful she looked when she smiled. Oh and did he mention her wonderful white teeth that almost seemed to sparkle when she grinned? And lets not forget her sexy way of dressing that showed enough but still left it to your imagination. When he started to talk about how smart, sassy and witty that girl was, the younger Novak zoned out, unable to listen to Balthazar anymore. He would agree when it was deemed appropriate until finally Balthazar was done and Castiel could hang up.

After they finished their call, Castiel threw himself on his bed and hid his face in his pillow. Oh how much he hated it, how much he hated that _thing_ that happened when a person eventually turned eighteen years old. It was a simple process everybody went through, no matter whether they wanted it or not. The second a person turned eighteen, their hearts were programmed to find their one true love, their soulmate. The closer one got to that significant other, the stronger their heart would beat and eventually when they were close enough, they would start to glow. It would begin as a spark, soon it would grow into a strong, visible glow in both chests, signalizing that, that one person had been found.

Castiel had just turned eighteen less than a month ago and he didn’t like the idea of being bound to a person he quite possibly had never even met before. He didn’t like the idea of being _forced_ into loving someone. But he would be because that glow that sparked the second those two people laid eyes on each other wouldn’t stop glowing until they touched and admitted their attraction and love for each other. If Castiel didn’t want to run around looking like a human lamp, he would have to play along.

The only problem to that was that Castiel knew how he felt about both genders. This senior was not attracted to girls and never would be. Not that he didn’t like women, he very much did, but he never felt the slightest sexual attraction towards them or their genitals. Since the thing with the heart had started only a century ago, everybody was freaking out about it. At this point people didn’t even try to start a relationship anymore and instead waited for their hearts to find the missing other. Why was he forced to ignore his attraction for a person because he wouldn’t stay together forever? Why was he forced to love someone he maybe didn’t even want to love? Everything he got out of this whole soulmate business was sexual frustration and not one single experience. The fact that he liked guys rather than girls didn’t make things easier.

Castiel feared that his heart would glow for a girl he would never be able to love or be happy with. He had never seen a bond between two homosexuals and by this rate he doubted he would. It could be because Kansas was a small and conservative state. There was no one to meet and as luck would have it, Castiel was stuck here and he wasn’t so keen on staying alone. As he shouted and punched into his pillow he wondered just how well he would know his soulmate. He didn’t know how close he was to theperson he would more or less be forced to spend the rest of his natural life with and didn’t know how soon he would find out who this significant other was. He didn’t know how much he would hate and curse that day.

 


	2. Back In...Green?!

  


_**VS.** _  
  


The next day everything seemed to be normal. Castiel walked into school far too early as usual, and made his way to his locker. He was more or less forced to do this, unless if he wanted to be beaten bloody in the morning. He could always take the school bus, but that meant he would have to face his bullies who would wait for him. Sure there was a later bus, but that meant being late for school, so Castiel had no option but to take the long trek.  


After half a year, however, his attackers figured out what Castiel was doing and adjusted themselves. When he opened his locker that morning, the beginning of the second semester, he was dowsed in a strange smelling green slime that covered him from head to toe. Laughter could be heard from around the corner. Castiel slowly turned around to see who had done this to him.

  
He didn’t expect to see anyone else but the four boys who were standing a few feet away bursting out in laughter; Gabriel, his older twin brothers Michael and Raphael, and of course the older Winchester brother Dean. It was these four that had tortured Castiel for the past three in a half years and he hated every single one of them. The three Melek brothers were nothing but idiots who followed whatever Dean did. While Michael, Raphael, and Dean where in the same grade as Castiel, Gabriel was a year younger then them.  


Castiel remembered him very well, even used to tutor the hyperactive, little guy with an obsession for sweets. That boy used to be such a good kid, trying his best to handle his concentration problems caused by the sugar shocks he suffered from. Castiel remembered how he use to like to play little tricks and pranks on everybody around him. After Gabriel had become friends with Dean through his eldest brothers, he had mutated into the same kind of bullying jerk as Dean.  


No matter how much the young Novak tried, he couldn’t hate neither of the Melek brothers or Dean, as much as he wished to, especially Dean. He was their leader and had started everything in the fist place. He was the who beat Castiel on a regular basis, the one who would kick out Castiel from the locker rooms, naked, because he couldn’t stand the idea of changing in front of a gay guy. Once he had almost strangled Cas after he had not wanted to move out. He had turned violent and had put a towel around Cas‘ neck, forcefully throwing him out.  


Being covered in the slime had been the least painful thing the boys had done to Cas which left him feeling less anger than necessary. He reached for his books and closed the locker. He took his glasses off and cleaned them off with a handkerchief he always carried in his pocket, and put them back on his, thankfully spared eyes. With a straight back and raised head, he walked past the group of young men. Ever since the locker room incident, Castiel had received his own room to change in. He held spare clothes there to change when incidents like this occurred.  


The young Novak had learned his lesson two years ago. The year had just begin and the tormentors were frustrated. Of course, as a release for their frustration, Castiel had been used as their punching bag. Looking back on it, he was thankful he wasn’t physically hurt, just greatly embarrassed as he had been shoved into a bathroom stall. The boys had climbed over and dumped various bottles of beer all over him until he was soaked in the liquid. After, they had laughed they left him in the tiny stall. Castiel hadn’t minded, he would have stayed there nonetheless until his clothes had dried. Luckily the summer heat had dried him quickly, but the stench of the beer still stayed. He had been close to skipping all of school by how horrible he smelled, but the need for his education won out forcing him to attend the rest of the classes he had left that day.  


After a year of torture Castiel simply refused to allow their limited minds to push him around. He had climbed over the wall and walked into the second class he had that day. Michael, Raphael, and Dean had all stared at Cas with hate filled eyes that was masked with a friendly smile. Seeing the red, swollen eyes of Castiel the teacher had not questioned Cas’ whereabouts during his missed first period. However, the smell of alcohol caught the teachers attention, forcing Castiel to stop. Suddenly his red, swollen eyes were not a sign of crying, but a sign of drinking. Although Castiel hated it, he couldn’t tell the truth. He smelled like alcohol. Looked like he had drunken it, and his clothes were already dry.  


He had been sent to the principle’s office for under aged drinking and attending school intoxicated. It had been Cas’ worst experience, sitting in the tiny chair as he was glared down by the man, wishing he could dig himself a hole to bury himself in. Castiel had tried to explain that he hadn’t consumed alcohol, he had tried to explain the situation, but of course the adult had simply ignored Cas and had called the police. They came quickly, causing rubble and restlessness through out the whole school. They had tested him, only to find that he was not intoxicated. It would only get worse. By this time the principle had grown angrier, the police had come for no reason and he was not pleased. For a full ten minutes Castiel had been yelled at and been forced to reveal the culprits names.  


The minute the names had been released they were immediately called to the principles office. Balthazar had come as well. He was the first one to make it, rushing in breathless. Balthazar would always help Castiel out of the trouble he was in. What had hurt Castiel most was seeing his older brothers face when he saw who had done this to him. All three boys were part of the football team. Finding out they had hurt Cas had broken Balthazar’s heart. After that, Balthazar had forced the boys to work harder, pushing them to the limit, to teach them a lesson, to punish them for what they did to Castiel.  


Little did Balthazar know that by acting so he had made it even worse for Castiel. With all the problems the boys had had with school and the police, their hate for the younger Novak only grew by the passing second. The double work and training for football only made things worst, and if looks could kill Castiel would have already been dead. However, the problem wasn’t the hate or anger from the boys, but rather the new grown muscle gained from football practice that could have the boys crush him within seconds. If anything, the real problem to Castiel was the mental torture, never knowing when the boys would attack him.  


Since that day two years ago, many things changed in Castiel’s life, but one thing remained the same: Castiel continued to be the punching bag. He never learned to put up a fight or defend himself, but he did learn to prepare himself after three in a half years nothing the boys did surprised him. So at that moment, Castiel walked by the boys, even greeted them, and made his way to the locker rooms to take a hot shower, riding his body and head of the slime,  and changing back into a pair of clean clothes. His planning proved to be more than helpful as he was able to finish and arrive five minutes early to class, preparing himself to mentally take the day ahead of him.  


Being that the day had started as bad as possible for the first day after the holidays, Castiel stayed optimistic. It couldn’t get any worse than that, right? He had his favoritesubject for the beginning of the day: English. Even though his teacher was a pain in the ass, his lessons were the best and most entertaining. Nobody actually knew his last name, not even the other teachers. Everybody simply called him Crowley. The small Scott looked an awful lot like a teddy bear with his short beard and puffy face, but the man knew very well how to gain the respect from his students. There was not one student in the class, not even Dean and his friends, who spoke a word when not asked.

  
He was always well dressed, wearing expensive suits that made students question where he earned the money for them. Labels like Gucci, Boss, Prada, and Armani clothes his body every single day. Always completely black; from the blazer, to the shirt, to the tie, to the trousers to the shoes. This and his ability to keep even the wildest class quiet during  his lessons started the rumors of him being a part of the mafia. Nobody could prove it. That didn’t stop both students and teachers from believing the rumor. Castiel was quite possibly the only person in the entire school that didn’t fear the middle aged man teaching his favorite subject.  


Being from Great Britain, Crowley held a special place in his hear for Shakespeare. Sometimes Castiel questioned how it was possible that every English teacher he had ever met lived up to that stereotype, but after turning around and facing the dozen of ignorant and fat filled faces of  his classmates, he considered that being posh and loving Shakespeare might be the better stereotype to live up to. Of course there were a lot of exceptions to the stereotypes, but it was understood why they existed in the first place. Castiel actually enjoyed the fact that his teacher taught them about Shakespeare, being quite the fan himself.  


When Crowley walked into class five minutes late as usual, everybody instantly jumped up and took their seats without saying a word. The man nodded toward his twenty-five students, receiving a synchronized greeting in return. He put down his black, leather briefcase, opened it and took out his book. Currently they were reading Macbeth, which the class seemed to enjoy so far. When people were asked to volunteer to read aloud, the majority of the hands went up. Those chosen would read their parts with dramatics, making their performance as good as it could be. Castiel never raised his hand to read knowing his tormentors would find a way to ruin it for him. However, he did like to listen in on his peers reading and when questions were asked, Castiel would raise his hand hopeful to answer them. It was no suspire that when Crowley asked his class what they remembered about Lady Macbeth Castiel was the first with his hand raised.  
  
Before Castiel could respond, Dean shouted from the back of the room: “That she is one of those crazy chicks!”

   
Cas closed his eyes, sighing quietly. The worst wasn’t the stupid response Dean had made, Castiel already accustomed to such idiotic comments, but rather that all the girls and Dean’s narrow-minded friends laughed loudly to his idiocy. Looking up, Cas could see Crowley roll his eyes before clearing his throat to silence the class. A few seconds later and the class was silent. The smug, self satisfied look on Dean’s face made Cas sick. Dean was an idiot, and to see people push him further into his idiocy and kiss the floor the boy walked on made Cas nauseous. He didn’t have much time to think about the matter when Crowley choose that moment to pick Castiel to answer the question that had been previously stated. 

 

He cleared his throat nervously and looked up to his teacher with a shy smile: “Lady Macbeth is Macbeth’s first and only wife. Him being the protagonist of the story makes her role much more important. At the start of the play she is shown as a powerful presences who forces her husband to kill King Duncan. She soon begins to suffer sleeping problems due to the guilt. Lady Macbeth also seems to have a conflict between femininity and masculinity as they are expressed in the cultural norms of this time period. She suppresses her instinct toward compassion, motherhood, and fragility which is associated with femininity. Instead she associates herself with ambition, ruthlessness and the single-minded pursuit of power, all characteristics for masculinity.”  


Crowley gave the student a small smile which made Cas’ fear lessen. He was glad that nothing had been thrown to him when he had been speaking. Also the feeling that he had done something right and someone was showing appreciating made Cas’ day all the more better. For a moment the slime incident was forgotten allowing Castiel to bask in this good feeling for a couple a seconds.  
  
Far too quickly, Dean’s loud, deep voice destroyed the moment:  “Isn’t that basically what I just said? Crazy chick!”  


“Yes Mister Winchester, that is precisely what you said, but compared to you, Mister Novak actually used eloquent vocabulary and important facts. If you keep interrupting my lessons and filling them with your meaningless comments like your previous one I would prefer you remain silent.”  


This time the whole class laughed, staring between the teacher and the older Winchester. Even Castiel shook a little, he himself giggling, only to feel a glare land on him. When he slowly turned around, feeling paranoid, his eyes fell upon those of a poisonous green. Of course all of this wasn’t Crowley’s fault, but Castiel’s. He could already feel the impending beating What he didn’t know that it wouldn’t be the worst ting to happen to him that day. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear beloved readers,
> 
> As you might have noticed (or maybe not XD ) it has been a week since I posted the prologue! Well that is, because I will be posting one chapter each week ^^  
> No worries I am currently writing on chapter 16 already so I will keep my promise of posting it on a regular basis the only "problem" is that my beta reader needs her time to actually check all the bullshit I am writing so please forgive me :D  
> I hope you like this chapter and the story and well..stay tuned I guess :D


	3. This Means War!

Far too soon the lesson was over and everyone began packing, ready to leave. As usual no homework was given. Crowley had once said that he wouldn’t give himself more work by assigning homework that the idiots of the class would only cry over and bitch about later when they would have to write about in class. He didn’t want to know how ignorant his students where until he saw their writing on their final paper, not hesitant to give all F’s if need be necessary. To him, it was the students responsibility to grasp the information the teachers gave them. If they chose not to that wasn’t his fault. Castiel loved him for this.

Castiel waited until all the students left before taking his own leave. Before he could make it to the door, Crowley asked him to come forward to his desk.

Cas gave a shy smile.

“Yes Sir?”

“Boy you should be able to speak up more, that squirrel shouldn’t be able to ruin your day so easily.”

Castiel was left stunned to hear his teacher insult a student in front of another. It made the respect he had for Crowley grow.

“He doesn’t bother me Sir,” Cas mumbled out.

“I can handle what he does to me because I know that one day eventually he will show some respect to me.”

The elderly man nodded and began to pack his things. “Good! See you Wednesday Mr. Novak.”

Castiel nodded a goodbye before leaving. He quickly pushed his way through the mass of students. Caught off guard, he was soon pushed against a row of lockers. He clutched his books instantly and closed his eyes as he awaited the next blow.

“You queer piece of shit, making me look stupid in English,” Dean growled angrily.

“I...I didn’t mean to,” Castiel stuttered out.

He could already see how this would end. Preparing himself for the punch or kick that would soon follow, Cas ducked and took a deep breath. He could feel the eyes of tall the other students as they all stopped and gasped as they saw the scene before them unfold. Castiel waited for the blow to come, but it never came. Taking the risk of opening his eyes he saw that his history teacher was pushing his way through the crowd. Dean stood frozen as he saw Mr. Singer approaching them.

“Not you again, boy.”

Mr. Singer spoke with disappointment, all aimed at Dean. Glancing up at Dean, Cas was surprised to see pity and sorrow in those gleaming, green eyes. Dean hid it with an arrogant smirk on his face.

“Who else, Bobby?”

Dean began to stretch out his arms as if he had been awaiting Bobby. In a blink of an eye Bobby had grasped Dean’s upper arm and began leading him towards a classroom, anger filling his eyes. Another teacher made their way toward the group of students and ordered them to leave, nothing left to be seen. Castiel was the only one left, unable to move from his spot while the student and teacher fought in a classroom nearby.

All Castiel could hear through the door were the hushed angry voice of Mr. Singer, and the yelling voice of Dean. It was difficult to make out just exactly what was being said, Cas only grasping a few words like “fucking,” “queer” and “his fault.” He could hear the teacher trying to lecture Dean on his actions, but it seemed to do nothing. The door was suddenly ripped open, a furious Dean storming out. He glared at Castiel as he saw him standing there, eyes full of hate. Huffing out once more, he pushed past Cas, slamming him against the lockers once more, and left. Losing his balance, Castiel stumbled to the floor.

Bobby came out of the room sighing as he stared after Dean. He shook his head in sadness. Noticing Castiel on the floor Bobby quickly helped the boy up.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No...not today,” Cas mumbled out as Bobby made a move to pat down Cas’ clothes.

‘Thank you Sir.”

Castiel soon began walking away, down the hallway. Repeatedly he told himself that things couldn’t get worse, but of course the young Novak was wrong.

As the break soon came to a close, Castiel made it to his class, the first one to enter. His teacher was at his seat at his desk, his legs propped up on the desk while he read the newspaper. With only three minutes before class started, Bobby found no need to speak to his student. However, ever so often his eyes would look up from his newspaper to look at Cas. Castiel took his usual seat at the front of the class and began unpacking. He noticed huge lettering on the board and looked up to read it. Apparently the class would be writing a 20 page essay on one historical figure of choice, a month time. Unlike others, Castiel enjoyed projects like these and couldn’t wait to begin until he noticed the little lettering on the bottom that stated they would be working in pairs.

The students hated any kind of group work, even if it was only pairs. Since no one bothered to acknowledge Cas’ existence or even make the effort to talk to him, finding a partner would be torture. As students walked in, he turned to see them all winking and smiling at others as they made their choices for their partners, none casting a glance to Castiel. He tried to tell himself he didn’t care, but sometimes he couldn’t believe the lies he said. Especially when an unfortunate soul was forced to pair themselves with him. Their rolling eyes, sigh of defeat, and disappointing glares always broke the students heart.

In the end the Novak would end up doing most of the work because he didn’t want to force the other student to meet with him. They had social lives that Castiel didn’t wish to interrupt. No matter how upset Castiel was, a satisfied smirk worked its way onto his face. At least he could pick who to write about, a splendid idea setting in his mind. Being the nerd had its perks sometimes. What Castiel never expected was for his plans to crash in the next few minutes.

When the final bell rang, students began to instantly pair up. Mr. Singer quickly got up and let out a loud whistle to silence the class. Castiel could feel tension arise in the classroom. Mr. Singer glared annoyingly at every student until his eyes settled on Dean. The longer the teacher glared at the boy, the more Castiel grew with worry. This wasn’t good.

“Since some people can’t seem to interact with their peers appropriately I’m gonna have to teach those idjits a lesson.”

Bobby turned to point at the white board.

“You will all be working with a partner on the upcoming project. I will be choosing your partners!”

His voice was strong and loud, making his point clear. Nobody dared to object or complain. Only a few groans and whispered “oh man’s” could be heard.

“Another thing. If any of you act up three days will be deducted from everybody’s deadline. Every mistake leads to three days less to work on your project. That might not seem like a lot but as a group you screw up more often than you think. Think of the motto, ‘All for one, one for all.’ If any of you goes down, then all of you go down too.”

The whole class was dead silent after the teacher had finished his speech. He sat back down at his desk, put on his reading glasses, and began reading off of a piece of paper that held the pairings he had made.

Surprisingly the pairs were widely accepted. The Melek twins were paired together; Ruby and Meg, two girls that were inseparable, were paired together; Charlie and Tessa were paired together as well, the brunette being the only one that could keep the redhead calm. The pairs were too good to be true. It was at that moment that it hit Cas that neither he nor Dean had been paired with someone yet. As Bobby neared the end of his list Castiel cold feel his heart hammering in his chest. A moment was passed in silence as Mr. Singer took a break before calling the last pair.

“And Dean you will be paired with Castiel.”

The history teacher glared at Dean as he revealed the verdict.

Castiel’s whole body tensed up, this time not daring a glance back. The scrape of a chair could be heard as it was pushed back and the crash of a desk echoed through the silent room as it was overturned.

Dean got up shouting as he made his way to the front.

“You can’t fucking do this Bobby! I won’t work with that fag fairy!”

“It’s Mr. Singer in class. Even to you,” the teacher stated in a far too calm voice for this certain situation.

Bobby turned to look at the blue-eyed student. He pointed toward the door, indicating for the student to follow him out. With tremors running through his body, Castiel arose slowly and began to follow his calm teacher and a furious Dean. Castiel paid close attention to the floor, too scared to look up at Dean. Curiosity winning over, Cas dared a glance up only to face a boiling Dean. His eyes were filled with disgust and hate, his jaw was tense, and his fists were clenched to his sides.

Dean was the first to speak, questioning Bobby with frustration. “Why are you doing this?”

“Do you really have to ask, boy?”

“Yes! I do! You know I have enough bullshit to deal with and don’t need this added on.”

“This, boy, ain’t no bullshit. Instead it’s your saving. You and your lazy ass are failing my class. This is the only thing that’ll get you to pass the class. If I were you I’d try my damn hardest to pass this class and treat my partner with some respect because he is a straight A student passing this class effortlessly, Dean.”

It’s Mister Winchester in class. Even for you,” Dean snapped, glaring back at his teacher.

Dean snorted and shook his head.

“Damn it Bobby! You’ve known me since I was fucking four years old! I don’t get why you’re putting me through this. I bet he doesn’t even want to work with me anyways. Don’t see one reason why he would want to.”

Instantly two pairs of eyes focused on the shy boy who tried not to look at either teacher or student. Eventually he made eye contact, going back and forth between the two men, gulping down the nervousness arising in him. He didn’t know what to say. Agreeing or disagreeing with Dean would still give him a price to pay so instead the raven haired boy shrugged and shook his head uncaringly.

“I,” Castiel began, only to feel his voice sake terribly. Gulping down the nerves once more, he tried again, this time with more confidence.

“I don’t mind working with Dean. He may not be my first choice, but he isn’t my last choice either.”

Bobby smiled at he boys before nodding, self-satisfied.

“Good! Now that this little dispute is settled, move your sorry asses back into the class.”

Bobby took his lead and made his way into the room. Castiel was quick to follow only to be stopped by a hand squeezing on his upper arm and turning him forcefully around.

“Why did you do that?”

Castiel laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “You don’t get it, do you, Winchester? Despite all the torment you’ve put me through throughout the past three in a half years, I don’t hate you. I don’t think I’m even able to hate, not really. But what I do is pity you,” the student explained calmly.

“I won’t degrade myself by sinking to your level and playing along to the stupid games you and your friends play. However, what I will do is enjoy this month that will be free of any of your bullying do to this project. I will work on this project alongside you, both of us needing to do work, and make sure you get your A and pass this class. However, the second you start acting like the brainless fool that you are I will start bullshitting my way through this until our paper is so bad we both get F’s. Compared to you, I can afford one F, so don’t even think about testing my patience.”

For the first time Castiel was able to speak in front of Dean, stand up for himself, even tell the older Winchester what he was really thinking. He had to admit, it felt amazing! All of his pain and anger slowly left his body. Oh yes, he would use this month of freedom to repay everything Dean Winchester ever did to him. The younger Novak didn’t even care that he knew what he was doing was wrong. This wasn’t a damn _tiny_ comedy where the bully and the bullied would find out that everything was just a huge misunderstanding and hug it all out in the end, sharing some love. This was the real world, and in the real word this meant war. For this first time since all of this started, Castiel wouldn’t just sit in the trenches, he would stand in the front line fighting back!


	4. Ball...Saver?

Two hours later Castiel was soon regretting his decision in standing up for himself. He had forgotten that today was Monday, which meant he would have one hour of Math before he had P.E. Unlike the Novak, his bullies resented the logic behind the functions and graphs in their math class and instead built up their activeness for the next class which Castiel resented the most. He was rather thin and un-athletic, only making it worse to work with the Melek twins and Dean. The three boys were football players, the most muscular and athletic, Cas stood no chance. 

Usually Castiel was able to hide. He managed to always stay away from a goal when the boys played soccer, he never went for a ball or hit with a bat when baseball season came, and never once did Cas attempt to step in the way of a hoop when they played basketball. Everything else, like gymnastics, acrobatics, and track, were things Castiel could do on his own without the worry of the boys running him over. A shocker was that Cas was actually good in track, the only thing that saved his grade in P.E. However, this month, thanks to Luke Melek; football coach, P.E teacher and the twins father, the class was playing dodge ball. Castiel hated this game. The boys played with aggression, their only target the nerdy Novak.  
  
Luke Melek, or as other students called him, Lucifer, never attempted to stop the tormenting trio from their aggressive behavior. That probably dealt with how proud the man looked when he saw his two  _perfect_ sons beat everyone else at anything with physical exertion. It was amazing how much the twins resembled their father in looks and characteristics. Light blue eyes, dirty blonde hair, and even the same slightly pointed nose. The way they walked, talked, and even laughed, ever so devilishly, resembled their father. Sometimes Castiel asked himself if it was even legal to be taught by one’s parent.  
  
In the first lesson of P.E this semester, Castiel finally had the chance to use the same locker rooms as al the other boys, no worries, instead feeling safe and protected. He wasn’t kicked out by anybody, wasn’t locked in any of the bathroom stalls, and no one gave him any looks or made any remarks. For once, everything was fine, then again  _fine_  was simply a bittersweet illusion that would only pop the next minute. The minute he stepped into the gym and saw the red balls aligned at the center he knew what would be awaiting him, his worst fears coming true. He couldn’t run, he couldn’t hide, he couldn’t protect himself; Castiel was left to his own devices. The worst part of all this- it was allowed. They could throw balls with as much force, hitting students with such force, and it wouldn’t be called abuse because “that was the game.” In P.E there were no rules, not even Cas’ guardian angel, Bobby Singer, could save him.  
  
When he turned and faced the three devilish grin from the boys across the gym his heart dropped to his stomach. Out of all days to play this damn game, it would be today, after his scene in history, after a boring break with adrenaline bundling in everyone, they had to play dodge ball. Coach Melek ordered the boys to stand I a straight line so he could choose two captains to form teams. As usual, Castiel hid behind two taller boys to not be called forward, but it would prove pointless.  
  
Luke Melek, with a loud voice, called to Castiel.  
  
“Novak! Step forward!”  
  
Castiel obeyed, he had to.  
  
“Straighten your back and look up when I am talking to you!”  
  
Again Castiel did as he was told, gloating giggle being heard from behind him.  
  
“Your participation during my lessons is pathetically poor young man. Maybe picking your own team will enable you to win in something for once. Choose wisely!”  
  
He then turned to continue walking down the line of boys before resting on Garth, Garth Fitzgerald. Castiel closed his eyes, inhaling sharply as he pitied the guy. The young boy was a smart kid, even managed to skip a whole grade. However, that made him the tiniest, youngest, thinnest, and most ignored student in the whole grade. Castiel at least had people who knew him, sure they bullied him, but no one even noticed the pale boy, always in the back rows vigorously taking notes. The younger Novak had never dared to talk to him, but he did notice his remarkable abilities. He was useless when it came to anything pertaining to P.E, but everything else, he was a genius in. He had a vast knowledge of history, especially an unbelievable insight on old myths and urban legend and his skills with technology was vast. Cas could barely use hi phone or search up something for school when he needed while Fitzgerald could hack something in split seconds.   
  
Now, however, with Lucifer glaring down at him, he looked powerless and helpless. Castiel wished he could wrap up the boy in a hug and protect him from the upcoming battle. His big, blue eyes looked somewhat glassy and even from this distance, Cas could have sworn he was near to tears as he stepped forward next to Castiel, gulping loudly. Both boys took deep breaths before looking up at each other. Garth gave him a quick nod as if indicating for him to start.    It was the worst thing possible. If he wished to win that mean choosing his three tormentors, them being the best in class. That would also mean they couldn’t harm, not with them being on the same side. It would also arise problems, the boys hating being on Cas’ team, cursing him for choosing them. Lucifer had told him to choose wisely and Cas was going to follow that order.  
  
“Michael.”  
  
He spoke. From where Cas stood he wasn’t even sure it had been who spoke, but rather someone else.  
  
“Raphael.”  
  
Garth announced a bit quieter. That was not what Castiel had planned. If he had picked Dean there would have been nobody to hurt him badly anymore.

 “Dean.”

 He looked up at Dean, his eyes meeting the poisonous green of the other boy’s as he stepped forward to fall in line behind Cas, not once voicing a complaint. One after another, students were picked and the teams were formed. As everyone steppe to their opposite sides of the gym, Cas’ team on one side and  Garth’s on the other, Castiel dared a glance around him. Most of the boys on his team looked like predators, waiting to attack their prey. Cas knew that it would be n aggressive game, all he wished is that no ball hit him in the nuts. When the whistle blew everyone ran to the center to grab a ball before stepping back and beginning to throw.

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

_**VS.** _

 Castiel and Garth had the same technique: run to the back and hide best you could. For the first couple of minutes it actually worked. However as the minutes passed and more players were taken out, there was little place to hide. In the end the match was brought down with Dean nad Cas on one side and Raphael, Joshua and Zach on the other. Besides Castiel, all the boys were football players. As Dean ducked to grab a ball that was near him, Zack was ready to pelt his team mate with a ball, thinking he was to quick for Dean. However, Cas saw what was about to happen, and stepped in front of Dean, catching the ball. The all had been thrown with such force that it had Cas losing his balancing, falling back and hitting the floor with a muffled slam. It his him right in the stomach making Cas losing his breath for moment, but he still clutched the ball.

 Dean reacted quickly, taking a hold of the ball he had been reaching for and hitting Joshua square in the face, alimenting the muscular player. He then turned to stare at Cas with wide eyes. The older Winchester gently took the ball out of Castiel’s clenched grip and put in on the floor beside him as he reached for Cas’ hand, helping the boy up.

 As Castiel adjusted his glasses, Dean asked, “Are you alright?”

 Castiel coughed a little.

 “I assume so, yes.”

 He then turned, wanting to leave the court as soon as possible, but before he could make it far enough a hand gently griped his wrist.

 “Where are you going?”

 “Off the court? The ball clearly hit me.”  
  
 Castiel answered with a frown. Dean was asking unnecessary questions. He knew the rules better than Castiel, so why was he asking him where he was going. The students where interrupted by a giggle. Did Dean just giggle at him?

 “Cas you caught that ball, man. You’re still in the game.”

 Castiel stared at him with wide eyes. Did he just…what? It was impossible that he actually had managed to catch that ball. His coordination was as bad as a mole’s. What he had wanted to do was to shield Dean, being the only useful thing for him to do. Now , though, he stood standing with Dean, Zachariah nad Raphael standing opposite. Slowly he bent down and picked up the ball he had caught, handed it to Dean, and gave him a small nod. A grin formed on Dean’s face, almost vicious, and with speed and force that should have been inhuman, Dean turned and threw the ball, managing to hit the Melek twin. For a moment Castiel could do nothing but stare at Dean. His moves had been so precise, fast and elegant. Cas couldn’t help but compare him to a panther.

 Zach had tired his hardest to eliminate both Cas and Dean, but Dean was quick, catching every ball, until he finally hit Zach, winning the game for Cas. The whole team cheered, Dean threw his fists up triumphantly. For this split second Dean was happy, carefree and happy, Castiel almost forgetting the cruel monster he really was. Almost. He moved away when he noticed the guys storming toward Dean to congratulate him, resuming his game of hiding. He had survived the period. He helped the coach pick up the equipment that had been left in the gym before making his way to the locker rooms. Dean was the only one left. For a moment Cas considered turning around and leaving the room, but then he remembered that he had nothing to fear for the next month. Instead he stepped in and began taking his shirt off.

 “Why did you do that?”

 Dean asked suddenly, his voice behind Cas.

 Quickly, he turned around shocked.

 “Why did I do what?”

 “Catch the ball? You know the thing you caught that was aimed at me and would have hit me hard, it got you to even fall from the speed, so why catch it? Why not let it hit me? You have every right to want me to feel some kind of pain, right? So why did you catch it?”

 Castiel’s first thought was to say that he had done it to win the game, but he knew that would only be a lie. On the other hand, nothing he could think of would be the truth either. Everything he could think was a “because” and nothing. There had been no reason, he had just felt like he had too.       

 He shrugged.

 “I don’t know, I guess I am more of a man than you are. I don’t need revenge to feel good about myself.”

 His answer had sounded far more bitter than he meant for it to sound, but it was the only truth he had.

 Dean glared at him again, snorting and shaking his head.

 “Sure you are, little sissy,” Dean snapped back before throwing his bag over his shoulder and leaving.

 Castiel heard him mummer something as he left. He couldn’t quite make out what it was but was sure it was probably an insult or curse. He shrugged, not really caring, and began to slowly remove his clothing. Castiel never minded to until everyone left, never minded to stay longer. He didn’t see any reason to rush to a place he didn’t feel comfortable with or didn’t call home.

 He tried to waste as much time as he could, even taking a longer shower in the school bathrooms. Carefully, Castiel inspected his body. His stomach wasn’t hurting anymore and his behind seemed to be alright as well. The bruises on his ribs had finally faded from their dark purple shade to an orange brown; they were healing. The others on his upper legs didn’t look as good. They still had a hint of purple nad hurt when touched. On the other hand, those bruises were a bit fresher than the ones on his ribs. On the last day of the semester before the holidays, Castiel should not have tried to stop the Melek twins from terrorizing the new students.

 Those students were so tiny compared to them. Ninth graders just starting a new school with  new people, new teachers and new rules, the Melek brothers were already jumping them, taking advantage of them. It had hurt Castiel to see these new kids already scared out of their lives, fear and insecurity bright in their eyes. Remembering how it had been for him in ninth grade, facing his bullies with no help, Cas had decided to intervene, unable to stay away. Cas had been lucky at his time because the brothers where his age, but now, three years older than the new comers, they had no chance. He had took the risk and had tried to stop the brothers, and that was how he had the bruises on his legs.

 As he eventually left the locker room, he ran into his PE coach. Castiel immediately apologized and was about to walk away when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

 “You did good today, son. Catching such a ball from one of my star players is quite an achievement.”

 For a moment the student just stared up at him with wide eyed, then he blushed, nodded and quickly walked out of the awkward situation. 


	5. Chase the Ace

The next morning started calmly and peacefully for Castiel. He woke up, following his usual morning routine: small breakfast, shower, brushing teeth, and dressing in the clothes he had set aside the night before. With the weather nice, the walk to school that morning would be enjoyable. Putting on his earphones, he pressed ‘play’ on his cheap MP3 player, the voice of Ed Sheeran filling his head and heart.

His songs had always made the most difficult of moments bearable. Even now he still loved to listen to his music, it being a relief. It reminded Cas that he could manage, that he could make it through, no matter what. His head swayed to the gentle sounds of “Give me Love,” mouthing the lyrics when he was forcefully turned around by his shoulder. Out of reflex, Cas pulled his earphones off, froze and shut his eyes. When he opened his eyes once more he faced a familiar figure with green eyes staring down at him, eyebrows lifted in a questioning manner. 

“Dude, calm down. I’m not ere to hurt you.”

 Dean was confused by Castiel’s reaction to a simple touch.  
  
"I’ve been calling your name for the past five minutes, but you didn’t respond. I had to run up and catch up with you to stop you.”

 Castiel blinked a few times before taking a huge gulp, regaining the use of his vocal cords.

“What do you want? Isn’t there a rule or something that says you will lose your popularity if you are seen with me in public, cursed by the weird, nerdy kid?”

Sarcasm laced Castiel’s voice. He was surprised with himself. This next month of safety was leaving him dangerously confident.

 The senior turned around and resumed his walk, going slower to allow the other boy to walk along with him if he chose to.

 “Actually I need your help, “ Dean began speaking, taking the few steps to catch up and match his pace with Cas’.

“Can I copy your Spanish homework? I mean you’re acing all your classes so…”

 “Dean I’m not even in Spanish with you. I have German during that time, “ Castiel explained with a roll of his eyes.

 “Idiota,” he whispered.

 “Ah ha! That was Spanish! So you do speak it!”

 “Si hablo bastante fluido, but calling someone an idiot in Spanish is something anybody can do. Yet again, I am not in Spanish with you so I can't help you, I apologize.”

 “Oh come on man! I suck balls in Spanish and you at least know a little of it.”

 “Why did you take it if you don’t speak a word?”

 Dean’s face instantly changed from desperate to a dirty smirk.

 “Have you seen Miss. Braeden? That woman is bomb. She can speak Spanish to me all night long,” he explained with a wink.

Castiel could feel himself growing sick from listening to Dean talk. As images popped in his head without his consent, he felt like throwing up.

 “If I do your Spanish homework will you leave me alone?” 

 “Sure! Yes! Please!”

 Castiel sighed and nodded. He stretched his hand out, indicating to Dean to place the paper and a pen in it. The quarterback quickly removed his backpack from his shoulders and rummaged through his bag for the work and pen. What Castiel saw was a mess of papers and pens and what looked to be pink panties. It took a minute before Dean could find the appropriate paper and a pen, but eventually he found what he was looking for and handed it over to Castiel. Castiel took a seat on the curb with the work in hand. The task wasn’t all too difficult, Castiel finishing it in five minutes. Dean looked in amazement as his green eyes followed Cas’ hand down the paper. Finally, Castiel handed the work back.    

 “I made a few mistakes so its not to obvious you didn’t do it yourself. Just beginner mistakes, nothing that would knock off to many points.”

 Castiel stood up, ready to leave.

 “Thanks man.”

 The way Dean stared at his finished homework, amazed and happy, made Cas smirk.

 “Cas, if you’re in German, how come you speak Spanish?”

 Castiel shrugged.

 “Well first of all, I am in Latin and French as well. It’s easy for me to learn Italian and Spanish since their core is found in Latin. Being honest, I actually learned Spanish at home.”

 “That’s cool. Are you Spanish?”

 “No, I just learned it at home, “ Castiel answered, making it clear he didn’t want to elaborate on the subject.

 “Well thanks anyways man! You saved my ass,” Dean said, shrugging and giving Cas a quick smile.

 “Oh and Dean…”

“Yes?”

 “When are we meeting up for history?”

“You want to meet up already? Usually I start three days before deadline.”

 Castiel gave him a glare.

 “Yes, usually! Usually you get am F for that so the rules of usually do not apply to this project.”

 Dean nodded.

 “Well today kinda doesn’t work. We both have school and then after I have football practice. How about Wednesday? I know the day is tough with all these bullshit classes, but if you can make it, then so can I.”

 “Wednesday is fine with me, “ Castiel agreed.

 “Good. See you in Bio then.”

 Dean ran off again, leaving Castiel behind. The shy student didn’t mind. He just put his earphones back on, listening to Ed Sheeran once more, instantly smiling.

 

***

 

The days passed and nothing special happened. Castiel was surprised at how boring school was when he wasn’t worried over the next attack. He felt somewhat lonely now, with only his classes occupying his time. Sitting in the shadows as he completed his drawing for Art was dull, leaving him weary. Eating in the cafeteria without the fear of having food end up on him or his belongs made him lose his appetite. Hiding in the library, knowing very well that the three would never enter a place with books, left him with something to do.  

The problem wasn’t hat he missed being treated like garbage, no. What Castiel missed was the championship. He had, had no one for the past year besides fear, but now even that was gone, leaving Cas to face his loneliness to himself. It was the worst he had felt in ages, this time with no help from Balthazar to ease the pain. However when Wednesday came, it changed. He had stayed behind to help clean up the classrooms and clean the white boards. He was alone when he exited the school.

 “You took your time,” Dean said, leaning against his car.

 “Yeah, well I had to clean off the white boards and the room; that takes time. I do apologize for making you wait.”

 “No chick - flick apology here,” Dean says as he waves with a dismissive gesture. “So where are we going?”

 “I don’t know, its your place, not mine. I’ve never been there before.”

 “Wait, hold your horses. Why my place? What’s wrong with yours?”

 “I don’t want to work there, especially not with you around,“ Castiel answered honestly. His voice was quiet as he adjusted his glasses.

 “Well my place kinda sucks too. Plus my brother has a friend over and I don’t want to interrupt,” Dean said, shrugging his shoulder.

 “Well if you don’t want to go to your place, and we can’t go to mine, we can stay here.”

 “Oh hell no! I am not saying in this hell hole longer than necessary.”

 Castiel waited to respond as he noticed the other boy thinking.

 “I think I know a place we could work. It’s not quiet, but it should work.”

 Dean opened the driver’s side and took his seat in his car. Castiel stayed put, looking around, sure he would find a camera or something. The situation he had with Dean was odd. He was ripped put of hit thoughts when dean yelled from his window. 

 “You gonna get in or what?”

 Castiel nodded and walked around the car. He opened the pass danger door and sat down. Almost immediately a classic rock song started to play so loud Cas was sure his eardrums would explode. Quickly he covered his ears as Dean lowered the volume.

 “Sorry man, didn’t think you couldn’t handle the only way to listen to AC/DC. 

“By liquefying your brain,” Castiel snapped, speaking louder than necessary.

 Dean didn’t reply to that, instead smirking to himself. The shy nerd was not one who listened to rock music, especially to a band like AC/DC, but it looked like the Winchester enjoyed it greatly. It was a first for Cas to see Dean so calm and peaceful. He swayed and jumped in the set as the music played, beating the stirring wheel like his own, personal drum.

The drive was around twenty minutes, but for Cas, it ad felt shorter. It was more fun spending time with a happy Dean, than being alone at home. However, when Dean stopped and stepped put, Cas was shocked to see them in front of a pub.

 “What are we doing here,” Castiel asked confused.

 “This is where we’re gonna work. A friend of mine owns the shack and will let us in. Plus theirs a computer with wifi covered.”

 Burying his hand in his pockets, Dean began to walk toward the entrance. It took a few seconds before Castiel followed. The idea of working at a dirty pub was not appealing, but it would just have to do. Entering the pub, they were greeted by a man roughly in his forties, behind a counter.

 “Aye the Winchester brat again,” he said with a wide grin. Dean didn’t hesitate to move toward the man, who also moved toward Dean, both leaning on the counter. They embraced each other in a quick, friendly hug before slapping each other on the arm in a brotherly gesture.

 “Where were you hiding during the holidays, brother?”

 Dean laughed seeming liberate.

 “You know me Benny. I was a proper boy and stayed home to watch Sammy. Although I didn’t say I stayed alone and maybe I wasn’t all that proper.”

 Immediately both started to burst out in laughter while Castiel was far too perplexed to respond, just staring at the two men with a wide, open mouth. That was the moment when Benny realized that Dean didn’t come alone this time, smiling at the student.

 “Who’s your little friend, Dean?”

 “That’s Castiel. Cas this is Benny Lafitte. He’s an old Marine and possibly the coolest person in Kansas.’

 Slowly Castiel made one step after another toward the strange, but friendly man and stretched out his hand for a greeting, only to be pulled into a tight hug.

 “This one is rather shy, isn’t he?” I bet ya that Sam would be like him.”

 The ex marine let go of Castiel and walked back behind the counter to clean glassware.

 “So watcha doin’ here,” the bar keeper asked with this funny accent the Novak boy started to like.

 “Well we have to work on this stupid project and didn’t know were else to go. Plus, you have a working laptop so..”

 “Ah, I see. Well suit yourself. I'll open in three hours so you will have some peace. 

“Thanks brother,” Dean said with a smile on his lips before walking toward a corner of the room. He pulled another chair towards the table with the laptop, knocking on the seat for Cas to sit in. Slowly Cas started feeling like a puppy, following Dean wherever he went.

 “So what are we going to write about,” Dean asked, leaning back in his chair with a cocky smile on his lips.

 “Well I don’t know if you have any idea, but I thought we could do our project on Louis the XIV. There is a lot to say about him, from important factoids to historical facts. You can take care of the funny, creepy stories about him. Research and write about what you like.”

 “You’re giving me the fun part?”

 “Yes. I mean somebody has to teach you to do at least something for school. If I give you something that entitles you to translate text and write down things you find no interest in, then you wont do work and simply slack off. IF I do it this way, then you actually might have fun with what you write and might actually enjoy what you’re learning.”

 Dean asked with a smirk, “Do you think I’m actually able to learn how to learn?”

 Castiel was able to see through the façade. The boy in front of him wasn’t extraordinarily confident like he was at school, but rather looked to be insecure of his capabilities. Although they had had their differences in the past, Castiel wanted to move this in the right direction.

 “Yes, Dean, I think you can.”

 “I bet I’ll be acing like you after this,” Dean laughed and surprisingly, Castiel laughed along with him.


	6. Love at First...Glow?!

It was surprising how easy things could go when Dean was forced to be nice to Castiel. However, after enjoying that safety for only a week, things began to downhill. So far the two had met twice, that Wednesday afternoon and very quickly Friday afternoon. For both events things had gone fine. They both managed to have a conversation, sharing laughs.  In school no talking was allowed. Dean was the king of the school and Cas was the unknown wimp. As ridiculous as it was there was a hierarchy they had to follow. 

That was what found him in the locker rooms being brutally tossed against the P.E lockers, Dean giving the most disgusted look to Cas. The football star didn’t think of stopping with only the pushes. For doing what he did during P.E, no matter accidentally, Cas had to be punished or else Dean would look weak. In that moment Castiel could fell that anger arise in him when he thought of Dean. Not that it mattered, all Cas could do was take the beatings.

“You fucking dick!”

Dean wasn’t shouting, but rather growling out his insults. Castiel could feel his whole body tense up, hands clenching into fists. All he could hope for was for this ordeal to end soon.

He should have had his eyes open when he threw that damn ball. It’s not like he had meant to hit anyone severely, but he had needed to do something to help his team somehow and the ball had been right there. He had picked up the dodge ball and thrown it blindly. The only indication that he had hit someone was when the painful groan echoed through the gym, followed by someone falling to their knees.  Opening his eyes slowly Cas had seen that he had hit Dean, right in the crotch. He was screwed.

Now he found himself pressed against the lockers with no space to move. The feel of Dean’s body heat against his made it evident that any idea of escaping was impossible. His heart beat faster and faster, the student fearing it would pop out of his chest or explode. It was such a strange feeling that sent worry to flow in his veins. Dean had beat him often enough for Cas to grow accustom to it so this reaction, it was uncalled for and scared him. The curses Dean spoke came fast, hate leaking from them. So many curses he had never heard, than again he had never hit Dean, or anyone for that matter, in the genitals.    

“You fucking fag I will…,” Dean growled out before falling silent. “What the fuck?”

Castiel opened his eyes as he saw an intense light, something that wasn’t supposed to be there. His eyes fell on Dean’s chest, Dean’s glowing chest. Impossible, it couldn’t be true. Quickly, Cas looked to his own chest, a glow already illuminating it to it was as bright as a flashlight. The skin turned transparent as the light shown through, revealing their beating heart. This wasn’t what Castiel had expected, it wasn’t what he wanted! Dean may have been a man, but Ca could never love a dull, cruel creature like him.

“No,” he cried out as he tried to cover his chest with his hands, desperate to try to hide the glow.

“No, no, no, no, no! Not you! Anyone but you!”

“Make this bullshit stop,” Dean commanded, “Now!”

“I can’t! I’m not the one doing this,” Castiel spit out, anger starting to overwhelm him. As if he would choose Dean to be his soul mate; that was the cruelest insult he could ever receive.

“You’re the faggot here, not me! I have a fucking girlfriend man. I don’t swing that way for fucks sakes,” Dean bit out.

Castiel knew that Dean cursed quite a bit, but to use more than one in one sentence as rare. He could see the quarterback stumble back, wishing to run from the situation, but t only intensified the glow. The further he moved back the brighter the glow became, their hearts quickening their pace until it became painful. Ever step Dean moved back his eyes grew wide as he looked between his and Cas’ chest. Even with the pain Dean couldn’t help but want to run. He only got few steps away before the pain became unbearable. It was in this moment that Cas made his way toward Dean, gripping his wrists in his hands, forcing him to stay put.

Their eyes met and locked, Dean’s green eyes full of fear and shock, Cas’ eyes full of anger and pain. Then it all stopped, as if nothing had happened. Slowly both boys began to calm down, stepping away from each other to look at their chests that now were free of the glow. Emotions spread from pain to anger to fear nad finally to utter confusion as both boys looked at each other’s chest before meeting each other’s gaze. Realizing Dean’s wrists were still incased in Cas’ hands, Dean soon wrenched them away. Instantly their hearts began to glow once more.

“We have to touch…,” Castiel whispered in shock.

Dean shouted, “What do you mean we have to touch?”

“I mean, “Castiel began, speaking between gritted teeth, “that you and I have to tough in order for the glowing to stop and if you don’t want to feel that pain we were just feeling we have to stay close as well.”

He stared up at Dean as he saw his eyes flicker from realization to anger.

“What!”

Dean grabbed him by the collar furiously. The second his fingers brushed Catiel’s neck, the glowing stopped once more. Now he understood. The Winchester let go of his collar, only for the glow to return. It almost hurt to see Dean’s eyes full of devastation and hatred.  Now it made sense why Cas had been acting differently, nicer, with Dean; his heart knew about this bond and had been preparing him for it.

“I don’t get it,” Castiel murmured in silence as he looked down to the floor.

“I turned eighteen a month ago so why did it start today?”

As he looked up from the floor, meeting Dean’s eyes, he was surprised to see the anger replaced by pain and sadness. The bully closed his eyes, exhaling a sigh that broke the silence.

“Because,” he began, “today is my eighteenth birthday. Now I’m sexually mature…makes sense why we found each other now…”

Castiel could feel his heart clench hearing the sadness in Dean’s voice. He could only imagine what a horrible birthday this was turning out to be, not only was he supposed to find a soul mate, but to find out it was Cas, a guy, a guy he hated, it was cruel. Cas knew that Dan would lose everything, his girlfriend would dump him now and his friends would all leave him knowing Dean had a male soul mate and Cas could only imagine how his family would take it. The nerd remembered how it had been when he had come out and could now only pity his soul mate for what was yet to come.

“Happy Birthday,” Castiel whispered sadly.

“Yeah…thanks sweetheart,” Dean said his voice laced with sarcasm and bitterness.

“I am sorry Dean. I didn’t-”

“No… no its fine. You said it yourself man, we’re not responsible for this and it’s not like it was our choice.  What we can do is figure out how to handle this problem. I don’t want to be running around, glowing like Rudolph’s damn nose.”

“You know the only way to stop the glowing and the pain is by touching, Dean.”

“Yeah, well then we have to figure out a way to constantly touch each other somehow.”

I assume you have a plan that would involve touching each other without it being noticed by others than because I most certainly don’t,” Castiel said, rolling his eyes. 

“Sorta’, yes. I mean right now we can’t because of how you act and being invisible and all, but if we change that, make you cooler, make you popular, then we could hang around and it wouldn’t be weird if we touch or something.”

Castiel laughed bitterly. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Dean. Believe it or not, I do have some dignity.”

“Dignity? Cas, we’re glowing for heaven’s sakes,” Dean snapped, annoyed.   

“Compared to you, Cas, I actually have a reputation in school that’s more important than being a nerdy, gay ghost, so if you don’t mind I would like to keep it.”

“Well I have some news for you: you are gay! So sooner or later you’re going to be a ghost too. At least I know I will be the best in our grade, I’ll be known for something, and you, you’ll fade into nothing so you better get used to this life.”

Dean sighed, rubbing his temples. “Listen Cas, I don’t want to fight about this, but I’m not gay. I don’t know why you’re my soul mate, but it had to be a mistake. We can’t change that, but what we can do is change your style and man you up to keep you from getting beat up, you and me both. So please, just this once, do something that will benefit us both. I promise to pay you back, a Winchester always keeps their promise.” 

“Fine,” Castiel said. “Man me up all you want. In my opinion dressing me differently won’t help.”

A devilish smirk curled up off Dean’s lips as he spoke.

“I don’t plan on just getting you new clothes. In fact, we can start the first phase of this little project of ours.”

“I don’t like your smile Dean. I won’t allow you to torture for me for your own amusement anymore.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Come on Cas! Do you really think that bad of me?”

They just stared at each other, the young man not answering the question. With this new connection of their s Dean knew that his silence was an answer. He sighed once more.

“I won’t hurt you again, man. It’s not because you could probably tell Bobby but also because I don’t want to. I want to help you defend yourself. No Winchester soul mate is gonna’ be pushed around or beat up anymore.”

Castiel only stared at him for the longest of times. Although they had this new found connection between the two of them, Dean Winchester would always be a mystery to him. In one moment he was aggressive, loud, and cruel but in the next he was almost gentle. The hundreds of shades that made up Dean were a confusion to Castiel that left him uncertain of what to make of it all.

“Okay,” he responded. He shook his head, trying to place himself back in reality. “What do you have planned?” 

 

***

 

When Dean had said he was planning on manning up the blue eyed boy, he hadn’t expected what would happen the next week. That following Monday Dean called him at six in the morning, ripping him out of bed and forcing him to meet him at the football field. At first Cas had ignored the calls, until they began happening every ten seconds, leaving him no choice but to make his way to the field. What would await him was the most difficult training he would ever endure.

It always started with ten miles around the field which Castiel did not particularly like, but he somehow managed it. After years of torment and having to run, he could handle the endurance. He loved running, loved the feel of the wind on his face and too long, messy hair. He loved the speed and the peacefulness of it. However, when forced to run miles on end with no ret, you could lose the fun you had in it.

When Dean finally let him stop, Cas’ heart was racing, his breathing ragged as it tried to calm itself from the harsh conditions it had faced. The worst part was that his training didn’t end there. This wasn’t just about burning calories; it was also about gaining muscle. What came next were push-ups, endless pushups. After what felt like hours, Castiel finally collapsed on the fake grass underneath him. Lying there, with his glowing heart, Cas closed his eyes to relax, seeing starts behind his closed lids.

Suddenly he could feel the vibration of steps and the vibrations of someone walking toward him before he felt the presence of someone resting next to him.

“You did good,” Dean said, filling the silence, “I mean ten miles in your time is impressive. The push-ups were pathetic, though.”

Castiel just groaned, causing Dean to laugh. “I’ll change the plan every day. No push-ups tomorrow, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo...today is NOT Saturday that is true but here I am posting yet another chapter :D  
> Well I asked my lovely beta reader whether it was okay if I started posting two chapters a week or not and the awesome girl she is she said yes (THANK YOU AGAIN MY LOVE <3 )  
> Anyway that means there will be a chapter every tuesday (hopefully) aaaaand every Saturday (definitely!!)  
> Hope you enjoy the plot so far and yes...LOVE YOU ALL :D


	7. It's a Long Way to the Top

After, Dean wrote out an eating plan for Cas, stating what and when he could eat. It was crazy what was necessary to be done for a  _healthy_ body. The young Novak never did understand why people would go out of their way worrying about their figure. He considered a witty mind, sharp tongue, and a sense of humor most important when considering someone to be an interest, not what their body looked like. It had made him furious a few years ago when he had first come out being gay and a boy had asked if he was gay because there were only “fat chicks” around. Castiel had pitied the boy and the girl that would be his soul mate in the future. Luckily, the boy soon moved away, ridding Cas of his ignorance. Yet now Cas was going through extensive training, following a diet plan, and doing everything in order to perfect his body for a boy, something he had so adamantly been against. Well wasn’t that just great!

 Dean sent him home after that first morning allowing him to prepare for school. For the following two weeks Dean would skip school. It would be a living hell for both him and Cas. There would be the never ending pain that came with separation from your soul mate. Due to the distance the glow was at least at a minimal, something a few layers of clothing could hide. Each second the boys were separated would bring seconds of near unbearable pain. Castiel did his best to ignore the pain, distract himself with the work given. However, it wasn’t enough and he would instead find himself clutching his chest, trying to diminish the pain somehow. It was moments like this, as he clutched his heart, that he was glad he was invisible and didn’t raise any suspicions among his classmates.

 Even though Dean was a no show for school, he would be there everyday in the morning for training and in the afternoon for a description of his eating habits that day. It had been a shock to see Dean that fist Monday afternoon. Not seeing him in school Cas had suspected he had fallen ill. However, seeing him healthily leaning against his car with his arms crossed he knew he was only avoiding school because of their hearts. A routine would soon follow: early morning training, a report of food eaten (including the calories), a lecture about whether he had eaten well or not, and the training plan for the next morning. The lectures were the worst. They would range from Dean angrily explaining that he needed to cut back on his calories or Dean angrily telling him he needed more protein in his body than the carbohydrates he ate. Cas soon grew to despise biology and health.

 He was sick of the counting, sick of the food restrictions, and sick of the sweets ban. Instead of his chocolate corn flakes Castiel usually enjoyed in the mornings he was now restricted to only eating a salad every morning. It was torture getting up every morning. Not only would he have the impending training, but also had an unsatisfying breakfast, lettuce. What was worse was that he knew others could enjoy their sugary breakfasts while he had no choice. At lunch during the week a student named Jeremy had made a big show of swallowing down a bottle of mayo just to get a laugh from his friends. Cas had been disgusted at first, but he soon grew to envy Jeremy. Jeremy was know as the “fat kid” in their grade. He may not have been the most lean or buff of the boys in neither grade, but he was comfortable in his own body. It was a disappointment to see so many worry over their bodies, even thought hey looked more than healthy.   

 He could see it most clear in his health classes.  While the boys laughed an enjoyed themselves, the girls could be seen covering their stomachs. The boys could have cared less about what they ate or didn’t eat, they ate all the junk they wanted. It was the girls that counted ever calorie they ate, making sure everything was carb free. He kept wondering why this would be such a huge deal until the answer became obvious: men! How was a girl able to find her self suitable with her natural curves and body when media emphasized it that being thin like a stick was exactly what men looked for. Castiel wished he could tell these girls that they were perfect as they were, beautiful with what they had, but he was just the gay guy, no one would care about what he said. What was worse though, was that Castiel was in the same boat as these girls, having to have that specific body that would suit a boy.

As the days passed, Cas became more frustrated. Having to eat whatever Dean told him, having to participate in every sport, having to keep himself fit was aggravating Cas, turning him tense and aggressive. His whole body ached, the sports and training wearing him out, his head exploding with the amount of work that was necessary of him  coming from Dean. Cas understood that these two weeks were compared to nothing if he thought of the many years Dean had taken sports, pushing himself physically. Even though Castiel was beginning to understand the boy, he still had anger for the Winchester for forcing him into this new life of training and diets. What angered Cas most was knowing Dean was perfectly fine yet couldn’t show up for school. Cas had promised himself he wouldn’t question Dean, but after two weeks he couldn’t help it.

 “So why are you not going to school? Is it because of us?”

 “Cas, no offense but there is no ‘us’, there is just you and me having the same problem. I don’t work as ‘us’.”

 “We could talk about the fact that you are part of a relationship, whether it be wanted or not, and start working on the ‘us’, but that can wait for another time. Why are you keeping away from school when its obvious you are perfectly healthy?”

 “Because I am not ‘perfectly healthy’. My damn heart is glowing like a freakin’ lantern because of another dude…how is that healthy?”

 Dean may had seemed much more calm and relaxed abut the situation then when he first found out about the news, but he was no where near accepting it. Surprisingly, Castiel was the last one to judge.

 “Well…when are you coming back? This glowing won’t be stopping soon and you cant quit school.”

 “Yeah, I know. I’ll come back either Monday or the Monday after that,” Dean spoke shrugging.

 Castiel didn’t understand how easily Dean could skip class, not worrying about his grades.

 “Don’t worry, my grades cant possibly get any worse than they are. Plus…,” Dean opened the door to his car, reaching in to take out  stack of papers, “I did a bit of research on that Louis guy we’re writing about. Pretty messed up guy, but fun to read about, actually. I wrote my part and put sources at the end but it might not be all that good so if you want to go over it I’d be pretty thankful.”

 Castiel was surprised. He hadn’t expected for Dean to be working on the project while he skipped school, yet here he was, handing him over the work he had written himself. Another thought came to mind, Winchester knew he was worrying about this project without Cas even mentioning it, leaving Castiel a bit flustered for no apparent reason. There must have been more to the glowing hearts than their glow. He reached over to take a hold of the papers and began to scan them. The Novak boy found that it was a bit rough but you could see it was well researched. A smirk soon came over Castiel’s face.

 “This is good, very good. I mean we just need to polish it up a bit, but besides that I can see you put a lot of effort in this. Thank you Dean.” Castiel spoke kindly.

 Although Dean’s face didn’t show anything, instead having its usual calm and self-confidant look, Castiel could feel how ashy and proud was about the praise he had just received.

 “Yeah, well my little brother helped me a lot, actually he wrote it so thank him,” Dean said, trying to lie.

 “Dean I know you wrote this. You don’t have to hide your cleverness, especially in front  of me. I wont judge you, but rather respect you.” 

 “Yeah well…,” Dean tried to give a an answer, but he found he couldn’t. He scratched the back of his neck, looking down before hiding behind his ‘too cool’ façade. “Whatever. What are you doing today?”

 “Nothing really. I mean we have a bit homework, but that can be done in an hour at most. Basically I’m free this weekend.”

 “You do your homework on the first day? Why? You have the whole weekend,” Dean asked shocked.

 “Precisely. This way I don’t have to worry about it he whole weekend, but rather enjoy myself. This is really not of import however, is it?”

 “No, not really. It’s good you have a weekend free because we’re going to spend a lot of time together.”

 “What do you have planned?”

 Castiel acted as if this was the most usual thing to be discussing. He was shocked how calm he took the situation, how didn’t run from it, and how he hadn’t turned it down. Castiel could feel the shock from Dean as well, but neither boy said a word knowing that this was all due to their new bond.

 “Well first of all we are going to my barber. He’s cheap, quick, and does a hell of a job. Then you’re gonna be trying some f my clothes that dint fit me, see if they fit you. If they do fit, which I’m sure they will, I’ll help in showing you how to mix and match your outfits. The brown shows, black belt, khaki trousers, nad white button burn my eyes, you need some style. And your geek hoodies, yea their going in the trash. After that we’re heading to the mall to get you some more clothes and some contacts. It’s about time you get rid of these big ass glasses. Then, maybe if you’re hungry, we can grab a bite.”

 Castiel was a bit overwhelmed with the amount of plans Dean had planned for this weekend. Knowing that Dean had been thinking about it made Castiel feel flustered. He soon laughed. Dean was only doing this to save his own ass, he didn’t care about Cas. After a moment he finally responded.

 “Sure, sounds good to me, but…”

 “We can do homework and work on the project at my place afterwards. My dad’s not home so it wont be a problem. Seriously though, we should get everything done at the stores before they close.”

 For a moment Castiel didn't say anything, just stared at Dean. How did the older Winchester know, what Cas was thinking about? Being soulmates didn't include reading the others mind, as far as the younger Novak knew. He most certainly didn't know what was going on in the school kings mind. In fact, as much as he tried to, he couldn't even begin to understand the young man standing in front of him. Was he that transparent, that even such a shallow person as Dean could read him so easily? Was he that obvious? That boring? In that moment Castiel realized that he was staring at Dean the whole time without knowing so he cleared his throat and stared at the ground instead. 

"I am perfectly fine with everything you are saying but how are we supposed to handle our little problem", Castiel answered looking down at his and then at the others glowing chest.   
  
"Well in the car it's pretty easy. You can just hold my hand or something like that, that should work. As for the city...", Dean murmured thinking. "Your shoulders or your back should be a good start otherwise I will try to find a way somehow."   
  
"As long as you keep close I am fine with it but the pain...", the blue eyed student spoke closing his eyes at the thought.  
  
"I know...I felt it too and I am sorry but there is no other way at the moment", the Winchester explained, looking pained as well.   
  
“There is, actually. You could have come to school”, Cas snapped without wanting to. He was tired and hungry and exhausted. It wasn't his intention to be mean. The nerd closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself down and prepare for Dean to shout at him, punch him even, but nothing came. As he opened them again, his blue eyes found Deans somewhat warm looking green eyes. Warm? That was a first time.  
  
“I am sorry, Cas. You have to believe me I am but I simply can't...there is no chance I ever could...”, Dean tried to find the right words, sounding somewhat like he was wounded.   
  
Cas sighed and shook his head to stop Dean from speaking: "I understand. Let's get going then, before somebody sees us.” He quickly answered getting a pitiful smile in return. Dean opened the door for his soulmate and closed it quickly, looking around a last time before he got in himself. Sitting next to each other made the pain go away completely, but the glowing was worse than ever. That was until Dean started the car and stretched out one of his hands for Cas to take. The moment the blue eyed student placed his hand in Deans the glowing stopped instantly. 

It was a strange feeling, sitting their inside a Chevy Impala made in the year 1967, as Dean proudly explained, holding his bullies hand, listening to what seemed to be AC/DC. Slowly but gradually Castiel started to make a list in his mind, started to gasp a bit of what and who Dean Winchester really was and although he would never admit or even accept it, not even to himself, he started to like it

"We'll find a way. I always do", Dean spoke quietly, their eyes locked, and Castiel nodded in return. They would, somehow, find a way. 


	8. Get it Hot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo it's Tuesday my lovely people and here is the next chapter ^^ I hope you guys like it and great thanks to my second beta reader since my lovely first beta reader is occupied with Gishwhes at the moment! Talking of which if anybody does it as well I wish you good luck ^^

When Dean spoke about his hairdresser, saying that he was cheap and fast, he didn't lie at all. It didn't cost Castiel more than ten dollars and the middle aged man was done with everything in less than twenty minutes, doing a rather good job. The Novak’s dark, shaggy mane had always been hard to handle, especially when it got as long as it was now. What the Italian did to the shy boy’s hair surprised even him, making Cas look less like a wild animal and more like an actual high-school Senior. The sides were cut shorter, leaving only a couple of centimetres behind, and so was the back of his head. Only in the middle part of the front, the hair was a little longer, exactly long enough to brush it to the back slightly making it look the perfect amount of messy.

When Dean’s face turned up next to Castiel’s in the mirror, a wide grin was on the Winchester’s face as Cas stared at himself in awe. Dean’s hands rested on Cas' shoulders to prevent their hearts from glowing. So far everything worked just fine. In the car they were holding hands the whole time, parking directly in front of the tiny saloon. As they had to leave the car the quarterback had just rested his hand around the nerds shoulder and during the cutting on his knee. This way their hearts didn't glow for one second in front of the stylist.

"Now we get rid of your glasses and... you’ll actually look human", Dean quickly added, saving himself from complimenting his new soulmate. Castiel grinned before nodding.

"Let's do it then", he said jumping up. 

He paid the friendly stylist, giving him a little extra, then left the saloon, pulling Dean along by the wrist. He didn't fight it, knowing it was part of the plan. Thankfully the next stop was something Castiel was able to do on his own. He never thought about getting contacts before. Glasses were comfortable enough and the thought of sticking something inside his eyes made Castiel feel rather uncomfortable. Yet, he was sitting at the optician telling him exactly what he needed. The pain in his chest was noticeable but manageable, the glowing a bit harder to hide. The young Novak could constantly feel the stares and smirks the young man opposite gave him, knowing what the glowing meant.

"So did your girlfriend force you to get contacts", the man asked as he handed them to Castiel. The student wanted to put them in right then but after hearing that moment his fingers froze around the round little cans. 

"Yes more or less", he quickly answered before opening them with shaking fingers. This wasn't good at all, he sucked at lying. 

"Where is she then? Your glowing is pretty strong so she has to be somewhere near", he main said again, the grin stretching even wider now. 

Cas knew that the man didn't mean to make him feel uncomfortable or offend him with those questions, but he simply couldn't help feeling vulnerable. Everything he wanted in that moment was to put those strange things in and leave quickly.

"Eh... yeah... she is waiting outside. She wanted to be surprised", he lied quietly as he managed to put the first lens in. Castiel had to get used to the feeling, blinking a couple of times, before he started to put the second one in as well. It was far less painful than he expected it to be. Castiel thanked the optician as he put his glasses into his pocket and gave him the money.

He earned another friendly smiled before he left quickly, head down, staring at his feet. The first moment he dared to relax was when he was finally sitting next to Dean again, holding his hand and driving to his safe home. Although it was far more comfortable in the car, feeling Dean’s eyes on him made him blush as well. 

"What is it?" Castiel asked into the silence after a couple of minutes, causing Dean to quickly stare back at the road.

"Nothing, man. Just wanted to see what you look like now. It's... new", Dean said clearing his throat and licked his dry lips.

After that neither of them spoke again for the entire ride. The atmosphere was suddenly so tense and heavy that neither of them dared to speak until they stopped at the Winchester house. As Castiel quickly glanced over to his soulmate, his saw him stare up and take a strangely deep breath. He wondered why Dean seemed to feel so uncomfortable about coming home. Then again, Castiel felt the same way about his own, but his situation was a bit different than Dean’s.

The older Winchester got out and walked around the car to open it for Castiel. He took his hand and almost ran towards the door, pulling Cas along. He fiddled for the key and opened the door, shutting it behind them as quickly as possible, while Cas’ brain was still sitting in the car. What was he so afraid of? Dean quickly walked into the kitchen and living room to come back with a note in his hand, looking far more relaxed. 

“Dad is out until tomorrow, and Sammy is on a playdate again”, he spoke with a smirk on his lips. He put the note on a little table with keys and similar stuff next to the door before grinning at Cas. “Let's go then. My room is upstairs.”

The older Winchester turned around quickly and hurried upstairs, taking two, sometimes three, steps at a time. For Castiel, everything moved too quickly, making him feel rather dizzy for a moment. Dean’s sudden mood swings and quick movements were impossible to grasp for the socially awkward young man, and being in somebody else's home didn't make it any better. Suddenly he saw Dean’s head, staring down at him from above.

“You coming or what?”

Castiel just nodded, holding his bag tightly against his chest, as he slowly walked towards the stairs and climbed them. The second floor was another new experience Cas needed to take in. There was a huge looking bedroom right ahead of him, but he saw Dean disappear around the corner so that couldn't be his. Instead he turned around to find another couple of bedrooms right next to each other. Both doors were opened just a slit so the younger Novak couldn't say which one belonged to which brother. Something told him to try the one at the end of the hall so he did. Castiel approached the door slowly and opened it to find Dean lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. 

“There you are”, he grinned jumping up. 

Dean’s room was more than just a surprise. It was big, clean and, although the furniture was made of dark wood, light. He had a huge window and another glass door that lead to a nice porch. An old looking, solid wood desk was situated under the window so Dean had the most amount of light possible when working. Next to it, a high bookshelf made of the same dark wood, which was in fact filled with a lot of good books. Was is possible that Dean was reading those? He didn't seem to be the type of guy who read Dickens, Doyle, Fitzgerald or... was that a John Green novel in between some Stephen King books? He quickly turned around as he felt Dean’s hand on his shoulder, almost bumping into the closet on the left side of the room. 

“Why is everything made of the same wood?” Castiel asked as he stared at the closet that was far bigger than he expected it to be. He quickly glanced over the room, trying his best to avoid Dean’s eyes. He saw the big bed, with clean, white sheets, made of the very same wood. Everything in this room just seemed to magically fit, not only the material but also the style and Castiel was impressed that Dean had found all those things to fill his room with.

Dean stared at him, eyebrow raised and a wistful smile on his lips. “Maybe because I built them myself? Well...a family friend helped but we chose the same wood and style for everything so that’s why all of the furniture fits. I hate it when furniture doesn’t match... feels uncomfortable, you know?”

It was just one more of those small details that helped him understand Dean better. Even the band posters on his walls were perfectly ordered and neatly hung there. So Dean was far more tidy and organized and even educated than Castiel had expected. All those things he seemed to be didn't fit into Cas' head. How did AC/DC and John Green fit together? Especially into the room of a football star? How did Stephen King and Doyle fit together with Led Zeppelin in the room of the most well-known school bully? Nothing made sense to the older student anymore, and he asked himself how much of the Dean he met in school seemed to be the Dean he was at home, the real Dean.

“That is... impressive. I... I mean not only what you did to your furniture but everything in here. I...I don't know what to think to be quite honest with you”, Castiel admitted which only caused Dean to laugh. 

“I think you'll figure it out pretty soon. My room is like my own little world so everything you want to know about me is inside of these simple four walls.”

“Even the books?” Castiel asked with an raised eyebrow. When he saw that Dean wanted to say something, he quickly continued speaking so the older Winchester couldn't. “And don't even try to say they are your brother’s or father’s. I think both of them have rooms of their own that are big enough to contain their own books.”

Dean gave in with a sigh, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah well don't tell anyone, okay? I stumbled over Moby Dick when I was around ten years old and I loved it. I am into that sort of stuff, but that hasn’t been cool since elementary school, so no chance I will admit liking that kind of stuff in front of anybody.”  
 

Castiel was surprised. That Dean could and would be that honest with the younger Novak was unexpected. However, Dean’s answer annoyed him a little for some reason. Why was he so desperate to hide his intelligence from the world? Even in front of his so called 'friends' he had to act like someone else, and Castiel simply couldn't understand why. Why be friends with somebody who doesn't really know you or accept you? Although that was rich coming from somebody without any friends.

“But staring at my furniture isn't why you are here. It's those”, Dean changed the topic by reaching for his chair, revealing an awfully high stack of different clothing. Everything from pants, shirts and jackets was to be found there.

“Am... am I supposed to try all of that on?” Castiel asked.

Dean nodded. “Yes, you are. One simple rule: If it fits, it's yours!”

So Castiel obeyed. Piece by piece he tried on all the clean and nice smelling clothes, starting with the shirts. The stare he got from Dean when he took his hoody off for the first time was strange. He could have sworn he saw Dean lick his lips, but it was too fast to be sure and Dean did that quite often, so that might have been a hallucination. On the other hand Castiel really did look better after those two weeks of training. It wasn't some grant six pack or anything, but it was quite a good start for the usually skinny guy. Cas felt good in his body and surprisingly feeling Dean’s eyes on his torso made him feel even better.

“The... the shirts fit.” Dean spoke, clearing his throat. Castiel and tried each and every one of them on, and even liked a lot of them. Most of them were simple one-coloured things. Black, white, grey, and some dark blue ones that complimented his eyes. Dean seemed to like those ones the best as well; the V-necks seemed to catch his attention. The looks Castiel got from the boy sitting on the bed made him smirk a little. However, the tight simple shirts quickly changed into geeky stuff like a Game of Thrones shirts, Doctor Who and even Star Trek. Those weren't as tight as the other ones either, which made him wonder if they were really as old as Dean told him they were. Cas swore he saw a light blush on the Winchester’s cheek as he walked towards the mirror, wearing the Star Trek shirt with a happy grin on his lips.

“Why don't we continue with the pants, then? Those were more of a problem than the shirts.”

Castiel froze. The idea of taking his pants off was uncomfortable, especially since his boxers were a bit too short this time. Usually he could wear long boxers when he had to change for Gym, but today he didn't expect this kind of stuff to happen.

“D-do you mind if I change in the bathroom and come back in to show you?” Castiel asked taking the pants into his arms, staring at the floor.

“Why?”

“I... I don't like showing my legs, that's all”, Castiel tried to bend the truth a bit.

“Why?” Dean asked again.

“Nothing special just...don't like the idea of it.” He knew very well why he didn't want anybody to see his legs, especially the upper part of them.

“Yeah, okay, fine”, Dean said with a shrug before lying back on his bed.

Castiel quickly disappeared into the bathroom and removed his pants, exposing the scars around his crotch. His thigh was covered with thin, bloody cuts that were in a constant state of healing. Over and over again he would cut the same ones to go deeper, but it was never quite enough. He never let it go too far. He brushed his fingers gently over the newest one; not even three weeks old. It was healing better than expected so he let go of it. Cas didn't do it for attention, not even to kill himself. It was simply the only thing that calmed him down when he got those terrible mental breakdowns that sometimes overtook him. Losing a bit of blood made him feel tired and calm instead of hating himself and being tense and sad. Cas would only do it on the worst days, the days when Dean would punch him a bit too hard or when his insults hurt particularly badly. Now, however, he was fine and just wanted to try those pants on.


	9. Burning Alive

Sadly some of them were a bit too short or too tight for Castiel, but most of the clothes fit. He was glad that he finally had some clothes that actually seemed to be acceptable for the majority of the social classes. Also, Castiel had to admit that he liked what he saw when he now looked into the mirror after Dean had put together an outfit for him. He was wearing one of those white V-necks, tight black jeans that, in his opinion, were a bit low but Dean said it looked good, and a black leather jacket. With the new messy haircut that Dean called “after-sex-hair”, and without his glasses, Cas really looked like one of them. He looked like someone who could hang out with the “cool kids” for the first time in his life. But something, this little voice in the back of his head, kept telling him that he didn't need any of them, that he needed just that one.

He buried his hands in the pockets of his new pants, only to feel something metallic between his fingers. He took out whatever it was and opened his right hand to look at it. 'It' was a tiny silver necklace with two angel wings. He stared at the object for a long time, stroking over it lightly with his fingertips. He turned around to Dean, stretching out his hand to show the Winchester what he had found only to earn a somewhat gentle smile.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

Castiel just nodded, staring at the wings again. He never considered himself to be a religious person but Cas had always loved the idea of angels. Maybe it was because he too would have loved to grow pair of wings to fly away from everything, leaving everything behind with a couple of beats of his wings. Suddenly he felt Dean’s fingers stroke his palm as he took the necklace away from him, only to walk around Castiel and put it around his neck. After the necklace was closed, Cas could feel Dean’s hands rest on his shoulders, gently pushing him towards the mirror. The smile he could see in the reflection hit him by surprise, made his heart clench.

“It’s yours then.” Castiel heard the others deep voice next to his ear.

It was inexplicable to him, but these little gestures made him rethink everything he knew about Dean; everything he felt about him. Their hearts did glow for each other so maybe they really were meant to be... somehow. Maybe everything that happened did so for a reason, and maybe all of it was their chance for happiness. However, his thought was stopped when Dean let go of his shoulders and the reflection of his heart’s strong light blinded him for a moment.

“Should we go then? I mean you need more clothes than that.”

Castiel felt his cheeks start to burn a bit, the blood boiling under his thin skin. “I... eh... I am sorry, but I don't really have the possibility to pay for so many new clothes”, he confessed.

For a moment Dean looked surprised but then he just shrugged. “I do. I could pay if you want. I mean, at the end of the day, I am the one forcing you through this make-over, no matter how amazing the results are.”

“No”, the answer came far too quick and loud. “No, please don't. I would feel worse if I knew you spent any money on me. I mean those clothes are alright, those are too small for you anyway but new ones... please don't, Dean.”

He stared at Dean, studied his every movement, his face, his body. Castiel could see him frown, quite possibly thinking about why Cas wouldn't agree to it. He scratched the back of his neck before he shrugged again and looked directly into the blue of Castiel’s wide eyes.

“Okay... Let's work on the project then. I can imagine you’re pretty eager to finish that damn thing since we lost two weeks because of me.”

“I would be delighted to…” Castiel began to answer before a rumble suddenly stopped him from finishing. His hands immediately covered his stomach as if to stop the sounds, realizing that he hadn't eating anything since lunch hours ago. He felt his cheeks heat up a bit again when Dean’s laughter started to fill the silence, relaxed and free. As Cas finally managed to look up at him, seeing little tears of joy fill his green eyes, see him laugh so happily, the older students could feel his heart warm up for his tormenter. Maybe he was suffering from Stockholm-Syndrome?

“Let's get you something to eat first. Do you like burgers?”

“I do”, Castiel quickly answered, still feeling rather shy about asking for anything.

Suddenly he could feel Dean’s hands on his shoulders, gently pushing him out of the room and back downstairs. Castiel was glad that Dean did what he was doing, because he was more than certain he wouldn't have been able to move on his own in that moment. His thoughts were swirling around in his head far too fast for him to grasp any of them, making him feel paralyzed. He was pushed by the dining room and directly into the rather practical looking kitchen. Castiel’s eyes started to focus on everything again, started to concentrate on analyzing everything inside this very room.

Everything seemed dark, and rather rustic. The counters and cabinets were all made of another dark wood while the countertops were black stone. There was nothing, not one plant or curtain, that made this kitchen look the slightest bit cheerful. Although everything looked rather useful and modern, from pans to oven, Castiel would never enjoy cooking in such a place. His mother’s kitchen had looked far more inviting and, although years had passed since he last saw that room, he remembered every single detail, from the daisies on the table to the orange tulips on the curtains. It was a rather painful memory.

Castiel was surprised as he was ripped out of his thoughts when Dean started to get out fresh ingredients. Minced meat, salad, tomatoes and burger buns. Did he plan on doing them himself? The older Winchester started to clean his hands, carefully but quickly, before putting all kinds of spices into the meat before kneading it. Unexpectedly, Cas found he enjoyed watching Dean cook. His movements seemed so fast and precise as if he had done them a thousand times. Also, he seemed rather confident and relaxed about working in the kitchen and it instantly made feel Castiel feel better as well.

“How come you can cook, Dean?” he asked as his soulmate started to make the burgers.

“I’ve always taken care of Sammy, as long as I can remember, and that boy was a damn hungry child, so I had to learn how to cook”, Dean answered while cutting the tomatoes into slices for the burgers.

“What is about your parents? Isn't it usually the mother who cooks?”

That seemed to be the wrong question to ask, Castiel figured, as Deans fingers cramped around the knife. Maybe things in the Winchester family worked differently and he just insulted Dean by asking something like that. Cas felt awful about his soul mate’s reaction but, as he started to apologize, Dean began to speak.

“My eh... my mother died when I was four. So she was never really there to cook, you know?” he explained with a short laugh. But although Dean had a smile on his lips, his green eyes seemed empty and sad, and Castiel could feel his pain inside his own chest.

“I am sorry, I did not expect that. Please forgive me my thoughtless speaking”, Cas said quietly.

“No, no man, don't worry about it. I mean, it's been almost fourteen years since that damn night. I think I’m over it by now.”

Castiel knew Dean was lying. He knew very well that no matter how many years passed, one never forgot the death of a parent. “How did it happen? If I may ask.”

“Our house burned down. The police never found out how it started, but my mother died in the flames. Because I was always a light sleeper, I woke up first and then ran into my father who told me to get Sammy, while he would take care of Mom. So I did. I ran into my brother’s room and got him out of his crib. He was still fast asleep as I took him and ran downstairs and out of the house. It basically exploded in front of my eyes, and I would have died as well with Sam in my arms, if my Dad hadn’t grabbed both of us and carried us away from the house. I can still see his face sometimes, when I asked him what happened to Mom. For years he wasn't able to talk about it, but one time he told me that the fire had started in their bedroom so she was already dead when he went to get her. She died of the smoke in her lungs or something. The only reason he survived was because they had a fight the night before, so he had to sleep on the couch.”

 

Castiel just sat there, not knowing what to say or do. He was so overwhelmed by the amount of information he actually got from Dean. The Novak boy didn't even expect him to answer the question, and now he had gotten the whole story. The problem was that he didn't know what to do with the newly acquired information. Talking about it never helped, and neither did saying that everything would be fine, because everybody knew it was nothing more than a dirty lie. So Cas decided to do the only thing he could think of, the one thing his heart told him to do. He stood up, walked towards Dean and hugged him from behind. Castiel’s arms wrapped around Dean just above his hips and he hid his face between Dean’s shoulder blades.

The reaction he got surprised him as much as it did the Winchester. Because the young man didn't tense up or push him away, but rather relaxed into the warm and gently touch, resting his free hand on Castiel’s. He could feel how hard it was to show his vulnerable side to anybody, especially his male soul mate, but that was exactly what he needed to find the right words to say. “It is okay to be sad, Dean. It is okay to not get over it and it is okay to cry... even for a man.” he whispered against Dean’s neck. Castiel could feel the quick shiver that ran through Dean’s body, before he relaxed again and a single warm tear landed on their hands.

For a couple of minutes the two young men just stood there, wrapped up in each other, before the burgers were finished and Dean had to take care of them. Castiel instantly let go of him so the Winchester could start his work again, being completely lost in it. He made four burgers and put one of them on each of their plates waiting for Cas to eat first. Slowly he put the food to his lips and bit into it before moaning quietly. This thing was so much better than he expected it to be. It was delicious, and he couldn't believe that Dean was able to cook that well. When he finally opened his eyes he saw Dean’s slightly blushed cheeks and a satisfied grin curling up on his lips, as he bit into his own burger, not realizing Castiel was watching him.

It was interesting to see that even the most popular and beautiful people seemed to need a bit of reassurance from time to time. Dean was the most wanted guy in school, simply because he looked like one of those Adonis statues that were carved into marble, so he didn't need to be smart or cook to get whoever he wanted, having both of those qualities anyway. Yet, despite all of his confidence, he was blushing about the simple fact that Castiel loved his home-made burger. The feeling of having such an effect on Dean made Castiel blush himself, as they silently ate their meal.

After they finished, Castiel saw Dean carefully wrap the other two burgers into aluminum foil and put them in the fridge. Even without Sam being around, he was always taking care of his little brother and it warmed Cas' heart to see him being that gentle and careful about something, or in this case, someone. He also felt the sudden urge to call his own big brother, maybe even thank him for doing the very same.

As the soul mates walked upstairs again to work on their project, Castiel kept standing in the middle of the room while Dean tossed himself onto his bed. “Would you mind if I called my brother for a moment? I know we should be working on the project, especially because of the lost time, but I just...feel the urge to talk to him”, Cas asked, slightly abashed. Dean jumped up the second he had finished the question, and handed him the telephone.

“Sure thing, man. Send that son of a bitch my regards, would you?” he added with a grin on his lips, before lying down again. Castiel returned his grim with a friendly smile of his own, before he left the room. He leaned against the wall in the hall, and called his brother.

“Winchester? What do you want from me”, Balthazar’s voice snapped, as he finally picked up, causing Castiel to freeze for a moment.

“I-It's me Balthazar, Castiel.”

“Cassy? What are you doing at Dean’s place? Did he do something to you? That dick didn't kidnap you or something, did he?” the older brother asked, sounding like an angry predator ready to attack.

“No, no, no, Dean didn't do anything to me. In fact, everything is fine between us. No fights, no bullying. Everything is peaceful. We are working on a school project together, so I am at his place.” Castiel explained.

“Well that’s... Cas just watch out for yourself, okay? He’s a dick, and he could be plotting something. And don't do all the work for his lazy ass.”

“I won't, I promise. Actually I called to tell you, that I miss you and I understand what you said about Bela.”

“I miss you too, little brother. Speaking of Bela, I have to leave. You mind if I call you later?”

“No, not at all. Have fun”, Castiel smiled into the phone, a little disappointed, before hanging up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so again great thanks to my second beta reader LexaPheonix who corrected my stuff ALTHOUGH she was participating that crazy Gishwhes thing :D


	10. Damned

When Castiel returned to the bedroom he was surprised to see Dean waiting for him, a strange kind of sadness in his eyes. “That was quick.” he said.

  
Castiel nodded. “Yes, it's always like that. He has his school stuff to do at University and of course his lovely soulmate, Bela. He always talks about her no matter how often I groan into the phone. But I mean as long as they are happy, I am happy for him.”  
  
“Balthazar found his soulmate as well?”  
  
As well? Did Dean finally accept Castiel as his soulmate? That was a rather big surprise. “Yes, he did. The second he walked on campus he ran into her and, well… the glowing started. They have been together ever since, and happy as well it seems.”  
  
“So, it's a she?”  
  
“Yes, of course it is. I am the only one of my siblings that is in any way homosexual.”  
  
“Siblings?”

“Sibling. I used the wrong word, sorry”, Castiel said quietly, again lying. This time, however, it didn't seem as if Dean really believed him. Castiel could feel Dean’s eyes burn into him while they worked, while he corrected Dean’s work, while he was translating the French texts into English so they could use them, and also while he played with his new necklace. Castiel felt that at some point he would have to explain his situation to Dean, would have to talk about everything the way Dean did. But in that moment, as lost as he felt, he knew he wouldn't be able to.

Castiel was knocked out of his thoughts when Dean suddenly looked at his watch, and realized it was already midnight. “Damn it! I didn't realize it was that late.”

Castiel felt like cursing as well. He couldn't go home so late, but he also didn't want to explain his situation to Dean. Thankfully, Dean proposed for him to stay the night, joking that he was too lazy to drive Castiel home, and not wanting to let him wander around by himself. Castiel couldn't have been more grateful at that moment.

  
Dean walked towards his bed and pulled out the rollaway from underneath. Even though he hadn’t used it in weeks, it was neatly made and, besides missing a pillow, it had everything Castiel needed to sleep comfortably.

The Winchester took one of his pillows, placing it on the other bed and then stared at Castiel standing uncomfortably in the middle of the room. “Do you need something to sleep it? Yeah, of course you do, you haven't been home.” Dean spoke more to himself than Castiel as he walked towards his closet and opened it. What Castiel saw didn't surprise him in any way. The jeans were all sorted into one corner, the shirts into the other folded and stacked, sorted by color like every other piece of clothing.  
  
Castiel smiled to himself when Dean handed him a pair of pants and a warm looking hoodie. “Here you go. That should keep you warm. Might be a bit big for you, but better than nothing.”

Castiel thanked him, then disappeared into the bathroom with the pyjamas. The pants did, in fact, turn out to be a bit too big for him, but he loved the hoodie. It was the perfect amount of too big. Boyfriend too big. And smelled so… what was he thinking? Why did he care that Dean’s hoodie smelled nice? Why was he thinking about Dean’s smell anyway? Or how well his clothes fit him? Oh, that felt like an awful lot of problems coming up.  
  
When Castiel walked back into the room, Dean was already lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. For a moment, he thought he might be asleep so he moved quietly as he put his clothes on one of the chairs before lying down on the rollaway next to Dean’s bed. It was strange to sleep so close to him. Although he was lying a bit lower, so he couldn't see Dean, it felt strangely intimate, especially since neither of them seemed to mind sleeping in the same room.

“How did you know what to say?” Dean’s deep voice was quiet, but ripped Castiel out of his own thoughts.  
  
“I don’t understand... what are you referring to, Dean?”  
  
“When I told you about my mother. Everybody always goes for the same bullshit about how everything gets better and that time heals all wounds. But you...you didn't. So, how did you know?”

“In all honesty? It was what I wanted to hear when it happened but never got to. I guess I at least wanted to say the right words to someone else.” Castiel whispered the answer.  
  
“You mean...?”  
  
“Yes, I lost both of them when I was eight”, he explained as if it was the most usual thing. He told that exact same story to so many people, so many therapists, that he was almost sick of even saying it. But although he managed to say it as often as he did, the pain never really went away. “It was my birthday, and you know Christmas, so they hurried to get back home but so did a lot of other people. The streets were icy and it happened how it had to. Somebody crashed into them and all people involved… they died. It's almost ironic, you know. I mean on Christmas, their son's birthday, in a car crash and everything… But, in the end, most of people’s lives seem to live of up to the stereotypes. I mean they wouldn't exist if not, right?”

  
  
The silence lasted for far too long, gave Castiel far too much time to think about what he had just told his soulmate. He tried to cover his mouth but it didn't help. A quiet sob left his mouth, and he instantly heard Dean shift in his bed, and his face suddenly appeared above Castiel’ own.

Dean’s green eyes were so full of sadness and pity, which made Castiel feel even worse. Castiel’ first tears fell from his eyes and rolled down his cheek. Why on earth did that have to happen now, in that particular moment? Usually he could control himself around people, why not around Dean?  


Castiel forced himself to stop, wipe away the tears and close his eyes, hoping it would somehow make the situation less awkward. He was glad to hear Dean shift away again, only to hear words spoken so softly he wondered whether he was meant to hear them or not. “I never realized you were so strong.”

It felt like everything came crashing down for a moment before it started to build up again. Castiel never considered himself to be strong in anyway. He was weak for crying and weak for all the other things he did, although he knew he would be hurting the few people he loved by doing it anyway. But hearing that from Dean made him feel strong, if only for a moment. Maybe being strong didn't mean always doing the right things, the best things, but to keep on going, keep on fighting, no matter how hard it might be. So in this sense, he was strong.  
  
“I can't sleep with those lights on.” Dean groaned into the silence again.  
  
Castiel chuckled at that. Being so close made the glowing worse, but since he was used to worse sleeping conditions, it wasn't a problem for him. That Dean didn't seem to be able to handle, made the situation funny.  
  
“Take my hand then.” Castiel suggested.  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yes, I don't see why not. The glowing will stop, right?”  
  
“Yeah I... I guess. Are you sure, man? Keeping your arm like that could be uncomfortable.”  
  
“Being pushed inside a locker was uncomfortable, Dean. Holding your hand shouldn't be as bad as that.”  
  
“Well... eh... sorry.”  
  
“Just take my hand, Dean.”

  
  
And so he did. The second Castiel reached out for Dean’s hand, he could feel the other boy’s fingers curl around his. Castiel’ eyes widened in surprise at the tender touch, but then his lips curled into a gentle smile. He closed his eyes and slowly drifted into his own thoughts again. Suddenly they were not sad or lonely anymore. Now they were warm and gently and pulled him into a deep sleep faster than he expected. Unfortunately, he was also woken earlier than expected by loud, angry shouting.  
  
“What the hell is happening here!” A male voice thrust the boys into consciousness.  
  
Castiel let go of Dean’s hand, feeling strange after holding it the whole night, and rubbed his still sleepy eyes, while Dean seemed to be awake right away. When Castiel finally managed to open his eyes properly and look up, he saw that Dean had already jumped out of his bed, quickly walking towards the intruder, trying to nudge him out of the room.  
  
“Dad, I can explain really!” Dean tried, but it was obvious that it wouldn't help. The hatred with which the older Winchester stared at his son and Castiel was overwhelming as the smell of alcohol filled the room. He was at an unhealthy level of drunk, and seeing his son holding hands with another man was clearly something he didn’t want to see while in that state. But it was to get even worse when he looked down at his son’s chest to find it was glowing, just like the other boy’s.

“You little faggot! You, out of all people, are one of those disgusting cocksuckers! I thought you were my son, Dean!” the man shouted, the disgust burning in his eyes.  
  
“But Dad, I am your son. I’m not gay! I swear I am not! Really Dad. You have to believe me! I didn't choose...” Dean tried desperately to explain, the tears flowing freely from his eyes. But he never got to finish the sentence before John’s fist found his son’s nose and then his stomach, causing Dean to fall to his knees.

Instantly Castiel jumped up to help his soulmate, only to find John glaring at him as he knelt next to Dean’s prone body. But Castiel’ wouldn't give in. He wouldn't leave Dean alone in this situation. So he glared back. He saw John’s hands clench, and prepared for the blow. He kept his eyes open, watching as Dean stood up in front of him, shielding him from the punch, landing on the floor again.  
  
“Just go… Castiel. As fast... as you can”, he managed to breathe out between moans. His father had gotten him pretty hard, his nose bleeding and his eye already swelling shut.  
  
“But I can't leave you alone here.” Castiel whispered back in shock.

“You have to! Go!”

And because he didn't know what else to do, Castiel did. He felt that staying would only make the situation worse, so he grabbed all of his clothes, the bags Dean had given him as well, and sprinted downstairs, running out of the house as fast as he could. His feet moved fast; faster than ever before, as he ran down the streets at six in the morning, back to his own house. He ran and ran and ran. Even the ten miles he usually ran during training were nothing compared to how fast and how far he ran, only to collapse in his room. He was pretty sure that he had woken a couple of people in the dorm after slamming the door, but he just needed to be alone, needed to shut down the thoughts racing through his mind like he shut the door.  
  
All he could think of was how bad John would beat up his son. Even the way he looked at him made Castiel’s stomach turn. His head seemed to be exploding with the questions swirling around his head. How long has that been happening? How often did he get beaten up like that? What else would John do to his son, since he already beat him bloody even with Castiel there? Now that they were alone, god knows what would happen to Dean. The thought pained him enough already, but no matter what he tried he couldn't stop thinking about it.  
  
His heart was barely glowing but the pain was almost killing him. Castiel’ eyes were burning from the tears and his heart felt like it was exploding, taking his breath away as he collapsed on the floor. When he woke up again he didn't know how much time had passed, everything looked the same but the light seemed to be different. He slowly got up and stared at the clock, realizing that over twelve hours had passed since he lost consciousness. Castiel quickly jumped up, feeling the room spin for a couple of minutes. When he felt able to, he unlocked the door only to find that nobody had even noticed his entrance. Maybe it was a good thing that he was invisible to most people. This way, he at least wouldn't have to explain everything that happened.  
  
The worst thing, however, was the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about what had happened last night, so he decided to do what Dean told him. He ran. He changed into sweats and started his training routine, switching from running, to excessive muscle training, and back again. He did it for hours and hours, forcing his body to continue, even though he felt like collapsing all over again. Except that it was the only thing that could keep his mind occupied, and made him forget about what he had seen and what he had found out about Dean’s life in the Winchester house.  
  
At some point Castiel’ feet started to lead him back to that damned house, but he forced himself to turn around again, forced himself to flee like Dean wanted him to. It didn't work for long. The second Castiel was back home, he locked himself inside his room and reached for his cell-phone to try and text Dean. Over and over again he typed the messages, not once getting a single reply back. Castiel thought he must have called a thousand times, but Dean didn’t pick up either. Castiel’s heart started to hurt again, but it wasn't the same pain as before. It wasn't because he knew that Dean was hurt, it wasn't because he felt Dean’s pain, nor was it the distance between them that hurt. What hurt this time was the fact that he didn't know where Dean was. He didn't know if Dean was alright or not. The guilt and self-hate making it the worst pain Castiel had ever felt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back in Berlin and the posting and hopefully finally writing goes on :)


	11. All Screwed up

Another week passed and nothing happened. Dean didn't appear at school and neither did he answer any of Castiel’s messages or calls. The only sign Castiel got that reassured him that Dean was indeed still alive, were the E-Mails he received, but were never allowed to answer. They were simply the things for the project, neatly typed and formulated, including the sources. Castiel always tried to correct them, but there was barely a mistake in them and what he really wanted to do didn't work. Whenever he sent a message back, every single time he tried, it would come back directly and unread. He didn't understand why Dean wouldn't reply. Why he wouldn't even bother to read them.  
  
Although he neither saw nor heard from Dean, the Winchester was constantly around him. Castiel’s thoughts wouldn't stop swirling around Dean’s name and, whatever Castiel tried, he couldn't stop thinking about the look on John’s and Dean’s faces. Whenever he ate that damn salad in the morning instead of his chocolate cornflakes, he thought of Dean. Whenever he was running, twenty miles instead of ten, he was thinking of Dean. Whenever Luc forced them to play that godforsaken game and he actually caught a ball, he was thinking of Dean.  
  
It was the day their projects were due that he saw Dean again for the first time. At this point, after a whole month, the pain in his chest was something he easily ignored. Castiel even began to ask himself whether he would have to live near Dean in the future, since the pain was now at an acceptable level and the glowing would actually lessen the further he moved away. So maybe, if Dean would agree (and he was pretty sure that Dean would), Castiel could move to Massachusetts and study at Harvard the way he planned to before the whole thing with Dean happened. He could ignore that pathetic glow in his chest that would barely even exist at such a distance, and find somebody else, start a life and maybe even a family. Those were things Dean Winchester simply wasn't made for and Castiel began to ask himself in what way those two were even made for each other. They lacked the most simple similarities or even common interests.  
  
The younger Novak could leave everything behind, his whole past, and never look back. He could forget about his parents, forget about all the pain, and forget about the bullying. And maybe, if he was lucky enough, he could forget about Dean. Since the day he disappeared things had actually started to look up for Castiel. Due to his new look and body people started to notice him, both genders the same way. He could have sworn that one of the guys flirted with him and he was very much aware that the girls did. After one week he had even stopped trying to message Dean, didn't call him or write him anymore. So if he didn't want to come back to school or talk to him about the situation he shouldn't.

When he left the building after the lessons ended, being the last again because he cleaned the room out of habit, he was surprised to find a black car in the parking lot, Dean leaning against it like he used to. Castiel’s first thought was to run towards him, check how he was, maybe even hug him. But the wind shifted and he could smell the intense sting of alcohol. So that was what he had been up to. That wasn't even worth his attention. So Castiel decided to straighten his back, lift his chin and strut past Dean without looking at him a second time. It didn't work quite the way he wanted it to. For one, the second he had a chance to, he stared at Dean and their eyes met instantly. Secondly, the moment he moved too far out of reach, Castiel felt a strong hand grip him tightly around his wrist.  
  
He tried to fight it off, tried to push him away, but although Dean was obviously drunk, Castiel couldn’t manage to escape. What was all this training useful for, if it didn't help him when he needed it to? So instead of freeing himself, he got pushed against the hood of Dean’s Chevy, his back resting on the black painted metal and his fists pinned either side of his head. Dean’s face was inches away from his own and Castiel could feel the Winchester’s warm breath on his cheeks. He turned his head away so he wouldn't have to look at Dean. So that was it? The project was over so now it was time for the payback? Now it was time to beat the living hell out of the gay nerd again? Well this time he wouldn't even flinch. Dean should enjoy himself as much as he wanted to. It would only make everything easier for Castiel, easier to move on, and away, forever.   
  
But Dean didn't punch him. Minutes passed, and Dean did nothing but stare at Castiel. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough and deep and the words were nothing more than a drunken babble, but Castiel understood them anyway.  
  
“You flirted with them,” he mumbled. “All of them.”  
  
The second he realized what Dean had just said, he moved his head again and stared up at his soulmate. For a second he wasn't able to answer, he couldn’t think straight. Castiel just stared at Dean. He stared at his eyes, the bruises surrounding them still fading, and the patch on his nose. He stared at those sad and empty green eyes, and for the first time noticed those freckles that spread all over his face and made him look his actual age for a moment. But then the illusion was gone and all Cas saw was a drunken bully pinning him up against a car.  
  
“I don't know what you mean,” Castiel snapped, still struggling to fight Dean off.  
  
“I mean,” Dean growled. “That you flirted with all the girls. I thought you were gay? I thought you wanted me and not them!”  
  
“What? What the fucking hell are you talking about?” Castiel snapped.  
  
Dean froze, surprised at the reaction and curse coming from Castiel. His grip relaxed for a moment, his eyes widened in shock.  
  
“I saw you, you know. There is no need to lie. I saw them crowd around you like the stupid chickens they are.”  
  
“Stop calling them that! You’ve practically banged 50% of them, and yet you treat them like worthless garbage. No wonder a guy is your soulmate because no woman would put up with your shit!” Castiel said loudly. “In fact, neither will I. My life is none of your goddamn business, and I most certainly do not belong to you! You said it yourself: These hearts are nothing but a mistake. Plus, you are the one with a girlfriend here so why should I be ashamed to flirt?”  
  
“Because you’re gay!” Dean shouted, causing Castiel to flinch. “You shouldn't flirt with women, especially those who ignored you for years and made fun of you! And as for my girlfriend, we broke up. Thanks for asking!”  
  
Castiel scoffed. “Is that all? Dean you brutally punched me throughout my school life. How dare you think you have the right to judge them for making fun of me! What is going on with you? Did you drink away the last bit of brain that was floating around in your head?” Castiel shouted back. For some reason he felt dirty for saying something like that, but this time he wouldn't hold back. It was his chance to say everything he wanted to for the first time.  
  
“Yes but I am at least sorry.” Dean answered quietly.  
  
“Are you really?”  
  
“Yes! I couldn't stop thinking about it! Those whole two weeks I was lying in bed thinking about you, thinking about what I did to you. It wouldn't stop no matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn't stop. Everything, every single thought, was about your red eyes when you cried, or the bruises on your body I gave you. But it got even worse when I thought about your wide eyes staring at me when my father started to beat the shit out of me again. They were so caring and… full of pity. You wanted to help the person that tortured you for years because you’re actually a good person and I’m a dirty piece of garbage. I am poison and I poisoned you, or at least I thought I did, but then I saw you look at me and I realized that I didn't. That you were the first thing, the first person, I didn't fuck up and I...”  
  
Castiel stared at him with wide eyes. It was simply impossible for him to understand how that even happened? How did Dean manage to go from a mean bully to something like this? Those words were so honest. Dean Winchester was officially apologizing for everything and, even though he was drunk, the thought meant everything to Castiel.

“You what…?” Castiel asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.  
  
“I need you.” Dean answered before his lips were pressed against Castiel’s.  
  
The kiss took Castiel by surprise, causing him to freeze instantly. It was neither gentle nor romantic in any way. It was simply a drunk Dean pressing his lips to Castiel’s, hard and cold. But the blue eyed teenager still wasn't able to move. It wasn’t because Dean was still pinning him against the car, but because he simply couldn't fight the urge to kiss Dean back. So he did the only thing that came to his mind and deepened the kiss before the Winchester broke it.  
  
“What was that for?” Castiel asked, out of breath.  
  
“I told you... I need you. I need you to be the one that saves me. I mean you are my soulmate after all, so I thought why not make the best of the situation.”  
  
“Make... make the beat out of the situation…” Castiel asked blinking, feeling hurt.  
  
“Yeah, sort of like 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade', or somethin' like that kind of bullshit.” Dean answered.  
  
“So I am nothing more than a lemon and you, you thirsty dick, want to make lemonade out of me?” Castiel asked with anger in his eyes. His voice was high, sounded almost broken, but then he took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. “Let. Go. Of. Me.” he pressed out every single word, still fighting against Dean without success.  
  
“Castiel that isn't how I-” With one quick movement Castiel pulled up his leg and kneed the Winchester between the legs, effectively cutting him of. Dean let go of Castiel’s wrists, and fell to his knees with a groan.  
  
“I am not your damn lemon, do you hear me?! There are people out there... people out there who,” Castiel sobbed, the tears staring to fill his eyes. “Who actually want to be with me! That actually love me for who I am. Just because I haven't found them yet, doesn't mean that they are not there and you… you mean, ungrateful creature won't take this chance away from me! I have one chance. One chance for a happy life! I don't care about this glowing thing, when I move away I won't even see it anymore, and I can live with the pain. I've felt worse! I will never see you again Dean Winchester and neither will you see me again. I will be the happiest person alive as far away from you as I can with a person that will see me, and love me, for who I am and not a damn fruit!”  
  
Dean looked up, still holding his crotch, whining quietly in pain. As he tried to reach for Castiel’s hand, the other man slapped it away, turned around and left. Castiel didn't run or storm away, instead he walked quickly, with his hands buried in his pockets and his head down. In the end, it always ended the way it started.  
  
Once back in his room, Castiel tossed himself on his bed, crossing his arms behind his head, and stared at the ceiling for hours. He didn't understand the world anymore. He didn't understand what he felt or didn't feel. He didn't even understand what he was thinking. All he knew for sure was the fact that he had just kicked Dean between his legs, purposely aiming to hurt him. Castiel’s head was spinning again, and once more humanity and its shades were confusing him. It was like he was torn in two, and he didn't know which side was winning.

Castiel spent the whole night just staring at the ceiling without coming to any real conclusion. He didn't sleep - hell he didn’t even try to. In fact, he didn't feel like sleeping at all, knowing he would just suffer from nightmares again. From time to time his fingers found their way to his lip, brushing them slightly as he was thinking about the strange kiss. Dean had said that he needed him and, although Castiel knew that Dean had been completely drunk, he couldn’t understand why Dean had said it. Even when drunk, people didn't make things up like that… or did they? There was no reason for Dean to make such a thing up, was there? The older Winchester had never showed even the slightest amount of sexual interest in Castiel, so it couldn't be one of those tricks to, as Dean would say, ‘get into his pants'.

After his alarm clock went off at six in the morning as usual, Castiel got up. He took off his clothes from the day before and tossed them into the laundry basket, his reflection in the mirror catching his eye. Castiel knew he was looking at himself, but he didn't recognize his own reflection anymore. There was barely anything left of the boy he was not even a month earlier. Glasses were swapped for beanies, khakis turned into low-slung jeans and his comfortable Star Wars hoodies turned into shirts and leather jackets. Even his body and hair didn't seem to be his anymore. The blue of his eyes seemed too intense without the glasses, his hair looked far too neat, and his body slowly started to turn fat into muscles. He even had the makings of a decent six-pack. But what was even worse, was the simple fact that Dean was right. Not only had his style changed, but also his personality. Castiel wasn't the person to kick a drunk guy for no reason, and he had enough pride to send those girls, who had treated him like dirt, away, instead of enjoy their attention. Castiel had turned into something he never wanted to be, and he determined that it had to stop right now.


	12. The Razors Edge

He stared at the silver wings around his neck and knew exactly where he had to start with his change. But first he would go for a run, do his exercise and clear his head. What he had to do, and what he had to say, needed to be well prepared. So as he was going through his usual morning routine he sorted out all his thoughts and wrote a little speech inside his head. Usually the speeches people planned never really went the way they planned. This time Castiel would make sure the message was received. He told himself that no matter what, he would go and visit Dean, even fight off his father if necessary, and tell him everything he needed to. But, as usual, destiny had other plans.  
  
It was during lunch time, while he was hurrying towards the exit trying to hide from some girls, that he ran into someone’s solid frame. He stumbled a little, but quickly found his balance as he raised his head to apologize. However, the words got stuck in his throat as the familiar shade of green stared down at him, eyes wide and mouth opened in surprise.  
  
“Castiel,” Dean whispered as he stepped closer but stopped again. Castiel assumed it was because of what happened the day before. “I... I came to,” Dean stuttered briefly, before being interrupted by another boy’s shouting.  
  
“What the fuck?! Look at them, people. We have a pair of faggots here,” Nate shouted and slowly the people started to surround the soulmates. Both of them had completely forgotten about their glowing chests. They had been staring at each other and now the game seemed to be over for both of them. The whispers started, then the laughter, and then the glares.

Castiel was used to them, knew the feeling of humiliation all too well, but he was afraid Dean wouldn't be able to take it. Dean didn't look away; he didn't even blink. His bright green eyes were locked to Castiel’s and, no matter what anybody whispered or shouted Dean didn’t look away. That was until Nate just had to open his mouth again.  
  
“Did he blow you already? The little faggot always begs for it.”  
  
Dean’s eyes moved away from Castiel’s and glared at Nate. All shock or softness was gone and turned into pure and utter hatred.  
  
“What did you just say?” Dean hissed.

  
“Didn't he tell you? Oh I can tell your relationship is built on honesty,” Nate laughed devilishly. “Your sissy over there had a huge crush on me for years. Didn't you, Cassy? Or was it more of an obsession? I mean the way you begged to suck my cock was sort of sick, wasn't it?”  
  
All eyes stared at Castiel, only Dean didn't. He grabbed Nate by the collar and shoved him against the lockers.  
  
“What did you just say, you fucking dick?”  
  
“Oh you heard me, Winchester,” Nate answered with a grin. “Your boyfriend had a major crush on me and I broke his pathetic little heart. On purpose. I am such a bad person,” he laughed. What an ugly laugh it was. “Why don't you ask him yourself? Ask him about us, and about what he carved into his skin after the game was over.”  
  
That was the moment Dean let go and turned around to look at Castiel, see whether that idiot was lying or not. The pain Castiel saw in Dean’s eyes when he realized that Nathan was telling the truth almost broke him more than the memory itself. He gulped, feeling suddenly afraid.

Castiel could feel his heart race, his blood boiling as he returned the sad gaze. He was having a panic attack, he was sure, and the people surrounding him made it even worse. He had to get out and he had to do it fast, otherwise he would break down in front of all these people. So he ran, pushing his way through the masses and into the first boy’s toilet he could find. Castiel locked himself in and quickly opened his bag.  
  
His hands were shaking as he desperately started to throw everything out of his bag to find one particular object. Castiels pulse was too high, he could feel it. His heart was beating so hard against his chest that it hurt, and his breathing was a fast rasping. Finally the flat piece of metal landed on the floor with a clink, and Castiel leaned down to grab it. Cas always carried it around with him. The simple knowledge of having it with him usually satisfied him enough, keeping him calm enough not to need to use it. At this moment however, it wasn't enough anymore. He needed it to calm himself down. But most of all, he wanted to get rid of something on his leg, wanted to cut it out of his flesh were he once, purposefully, put it.  
  
The toilet was dirty, and nobody usually came here beside the kids that did some kind of drugs. Some of the needles were lying on the floor around him, but Castiel felt no shame at that moment as he pulled down his pants and sat on the floor, staring at his scars. They were ugly and deep; healed well enough, but would never really disappear.

But then… There was one - that one ugly scar – that Castiel wanted to cut out of his flesh like he wanted to cut the memory out of his mind. The name 'Nate' adorned his thigh, still legible and clearly seen. Castiel hated that name, hated the memories and hated Nathan after what he had done to him.  
  
Five years ago he fell in love with Nate; they even dated for a while.He hadn't outed himself back then, but the two of them had lived next to each other since their earliest childhood. His best friend knew everything about him, so obviously he was the first person Castiel told about his sexuality. Nathan had kept it a secret, and didn't push Castiel away, instead he was always there to help Castiel when he needed support. One day, Nate visited him and told Castiel about his feelings, and they found out that both boys felt the same for each other. They started dating and Castiel could not have been happier.  
  
However, Castiel’s fear of being left alone made him do whatever Nathan wanted him to. They never talked in public, never touched or kissed. In school they didn't even spend their breaks together. But Castiel loved Nathan, and so he got used to only seeing him on the weekends, only doing what his boyfriend wanted to do. Being thirteen years old had some side effects that were new to Castiel and, while Nathan seemed to know very well how to handle them, Castiel felt very uncomfortable. Everything they talked about was sex, sex, sex, and the shy nerd simply couldn't hear it anymore. He was too afraid to have sex already, so he asked Nathan to do the only thing with him he knew he could do; oral sex

After the first, very degrading, time, their relationship got even worse. Not only weren't they allowed to talk in public, but their dates got rarer and Nathan got more and more hateful. Every time they met it was only to pleasure Nate, but Castiel simply couldn't let go of the relationship, so he pleased him as best as he could. At some point, when Nathan started to keep his distance even more, he begged him to come back, begged him for the opportunity to please him, because he simply couldn't handle losing another person. It was too much for him to survive so he begged the way Nate always wanted him to. After that, Nathan broke up with him. But not only was their relationship broken, but also Castiel’s heart.

Nathan laughed about him as he told his 'best friend' about the girlfriend he got that wouldn't sleep with him. Told him how he needed the sex so he used the first person that came to his mind; Castiel. Told him about how disgusting homosexuality was, and that Castiel needed serious help and ended the relationship by explaining that he now was allowed to fuck the brain out of his 'bitch' and therefor didn't need his fake boyfriend anymore. After that, Castiel had left, and locked himself in his own bathroom. He had cried and cried for hours, the panic attacks overwhelming him, until he had reached for the razor and cut Nathan’s name into his skin.  
  
Now Castiel’s fingers were brushing over the four letter name again, hate and disgust and pain burning his eyes. His shaking hands moved closer to the marks on his skin and cut into it, deep and fast. One clean, straight cut through the name. Castiel stared at his thick, dark blood pouring out of his leg, but none of it was enough. Not the pain, not the blood, not the way the name looked. So he cut again and again, crossed it out like a word spelled incorrectly in an essay. Dozens of sloppy cuts on the same spot until the name was barely there anymore.

The pain was unbelievable, but Castiel knew that he wouldn't have to suffer it for much longer. Soon he would lose so much blood, that he would black out from lack of blood. And then… then he might die. He would if no one found him, and why should they? Nobody would search for him, and since the teachers patrolled this toilet once a week, nobody dared to come here. At least not during the lunch break.  
  
Yet, as Castiel was losing more and more blood, he could have sworn that he heard the door open. Heavy footsteps came closer, and Castiel heard someone opening the wooden doors to each stall in turn. That was, until the person seemed to notice the spreading pool of blood seeping under one of the doors, and ran towards the stall Castiel was sitting in.

Hard, fast knocks reached Castiel’s ears, but he didn't want to answer and wasn't able to move anyway, not in this state. Then the shouts started. Dean’s voice yelled his name, over and over again, until he announced he would kick the door in if Castiel didn’t open it. He didn't, and suddenly the door was kicked once, which loosened it enough that Dean could rip it off its hinges. He threw it away like it was made of paper, and Cas would have giggled at the sight, if he didn’t feel so tired and weak.  
  
Dean stared down at Castiel’s bloodied form and instantly fell to his knees.

“Damn it, Cas,” he cursed as he took of his Football jacket, then ripped his shirt into ribbons. Castiel didn't understand what he was trying to do, but staring at Dean’s bare upper body wasn't the worst thing he could see in his last moments. He smirked at the thought, then suddenly there was a strong pull around his thigh, above and below the wound. “This will slow the bleeding down. I already called an ambulance. I am not gonna let you die here, man.”  
  
Castiel’s breathing was flat and dry, and his face was pale. He tried to lick his lips to moisten them enough so he could speak.

“Maybe... maybe I want... want to,” Castiel croaked with a weak smile. “I can't handle it anymore, Dean. There is so much... so much... pain inside me. So many... memories.”

The worst part of this was that Castiel was smiling, even as more and more blood was leaving his body, driving him closer to the edge of consciousness. He was smiling while Dean sat down next to him, pulled him in his arms and started to rock his weakened body. Castiel had never seen Dean so lost and afraid in his whole life.  
  
“Why did you do this, man? Why? I mean I've been low but never that low… What happened to you?” Castiel stared up at Dean, every movement lazy and slow.  
  
“My parents death, the orphanage, my sister killed herself, Nathan broke my heart, Balthazar left and moved away… and you,” Castiel answered honestly.  
  
“What?” Dean asked in shock.  
  
“Didn't expect that, huh?” Castiel laughed before he coughed. “I am so lonely, Dean. I didn't even expect anybody to find me here because that would mean that somebody was searching for me. And they have no reason to.”  
  
Dean closed his eyes, his lips started to quiver as he pulled Castiel closer, buried his face in the dark mass of his hair.

“I searched for you. I searched the whole school for you, but I couldn't find you. I’m sorry it took me so long, I’m sorry that I did this to you. I’m so, so sorry Cas, you have to believe me man.”  
  
Castiel lifted his arm and rested his hand on Dean’s cheek, caressing it gently. “I forgive you, Dean. In fact, I've never been angry with you. I figured if I have a backstory than so do you and when I saw those poisonous eyes turn sad I knew that you are broken as well and I could never hurt somebody like that,” he explained with a soft smile on his pale lips.   
  
Castiel could feel a warm tear fall on his head. “But I did all those horrible things to you. I treated you like a piece of shit for years how can you not hate me? How can you forgive me?”

“You see… when I was younger I went to church, and was very religious. I guess that’s why I love that necklace you gave me so much - it reminds me of that time. I prayed a lot, sang a lot of the songs, and read the bible. Those stories taught me well. They taught me that fighting fire with fire ends in nothing but pain, but if you love and forgive those people, they might find some peace for themselves. I lost my faith long ago – I don’t believe in a greater good or a god anymore - but I do believe in some of the things that old book taught me.”

After that, everything slowly started to blur, and then everything went black. The last things that Castiel heard were Dean shouting his name over and over again, a door being shoved open, and people shouting and running. 


	13. Anything goes

Castiel didn't believe in second chances, he didn't even believe he deserved one, but in the end he got. He felt a strong but gentle hand around his own and his eyes flew open. Castiel turned his head to see that Dean was sitting next to him.

 

“Dean,” he croaked. His throat was strangely dry and Castiel still felt dizzy. Dean instantly sat up and handed him a glass of cold water. Castiel thanked him and took a mouthful, before returning the glass to Dean with trembling hands. Castiel felt weak, but he simply couldn't think of a reason why. It wasn't the first time he cut himself that deep, but he never felt this way afterwards. It wasn't his first time in the hospital either, but this room looked different. “Where...where am I?”

“Intensive care unit,” Dean answered. “You cut too deep and on top of that gave yourself blood poisoning. They said that whatever you cut yourself with must have been dirty or something. At least I think that is what the nurse chick was talking about, because I didn't understand half of it. They don't speak normal English here, man.”

Castiel giggled. He could tell that Dean felt uncomfortable and slightly nervous about this situation and Castiel had to admit that he liked the way the Winchester was stumbling over the right words to say. “How long have I been out?”

“A couple of hours but they said that you can't leave this time because of the blood problem and... and... ,” Dean thought but couldn't think of what the nurses had told him. Castiel rested his hand on Dean’s which seemed to calm him a little. “And that they are calling your therapist, I think.”

He nodded. “I see. I assume he’s not coming today? Because I really don't feel like talking to him at the moment. Could you tell the nurses that?”

Dean looked as if he was about to stand up, but then decided against it. Instead he sat on the bed next to Castiel, still holding his hand. “Why did you do it? What happened to you? And I mean everything, not just today, but everything. The whole story. I want to hear it.” Their eyes locked again and Castiel simply couldn't look away. The green was gentle, but curious and persistent. So Castiel gave in and sighed.

“It's a long story, Dean. But if you are willing to listen I shall tell you everything,” Castiel spoke quietly as he thought. “It started all on my eighth birthday. My family is from Serbia originally, so we never really get to see them and don’t really know them. All I had where my siblings and my parents. They were on a business trip shortly before my birthday so I wailed a lot about it. I didn't want them to leave and celebrate my birthday alone with my siblings, but it looked an awful lot like I would have to. I called them on that day and lied about Anna crying the whole time, and me not knowing what to do about it. She did cry, because Balthazar took away her toy, but she stopped as soon as she got it back. I knew they would come as soon as possible when they heard, but I didn't think that they would die on the way. I’ve felt guilty ever since.”

Dean was silent, watching Castiel and listened carefully. “Anna is?”

“Was. Anna was my little sister. We both shared the feeling of guilt over the years so we bonded. I loved her more than anything, and yet I couldn't save her. She was very depressed, but because she laughed a lot I never realized. While I’ve gone to therapy twice a week since I was nine years old, she stayed at home... alone.” Castiel paused and took a breath. “She killed herself a couple of years later. I didn't even see it coming. I mean… she was my twelve year old little sister, and I spend hours and hours with her but didn't see something like that coming? I was a bad brother and she paid the price for it while I have to stay alive knowing that it was all my fault.”

“But it-” Dean started, but Castiel interrupted him.

“It wasn't my fault? I maybe didn't kill her, but my lie was the reason my parents died and why she got depressed. I had one job, Dean… the job of a bigger brother, a protector. And I failed it. She died and I couldn't stop it, so being the teenager I was I buried myself in grief and depression. It was around the same time I was dating Nathan, and carved his name into my leg after he broke up with me.”

“So...it's true what he said?”

“Yes but he didn't tell you the whole story. Neither will I, but I’ll explain a bit more. I’ve known him since I was three years old. We spent our whole life together. He was my best friend and the first person to know about me being homosexual. We started dating when we were thirteen going on fourteen, and the hormones were killing us. He wanted sex, but I wasn't prepared to give my virginity to him. I simply couldn't, because it felt wrong, and I wasn't ready. But he said he needed it, so we had a lot of oral sex. Well...I say we but it was always me who did it. I couldn't handle the idea of another person leaving me, no matter how much he disrespected me. He abused me, blackmailed me and sometimes, when it got bad, he beat me up. But I loved him, and I couldn't let go. So yes... he was right. I begged him to let me give him the only thing I could so he would stop beating me up an shouting at me or insulting me with words I didn't even understand. Thinking back on it I was an idiot for staying with him, but after losing three people in such a short amount of time I didn't want to lose him,” Castiel exhaled loudly. This memory was rather painful and he didn't like taking about it.

“What happened? Did you break up with him?”

“No, he broke up with me. It was all a trick because his girlfriend wouldn't do the same things I did for him, but he claimed he needed them. He just used me. After that my depression got worse and as a result I cut his name into my thigh to always remember the pain, as a punishment. Today I wanted to cut it out. I never wanted to see it again when I get undressed. He wasn't worth the pain and I finally understood that, so I wanted to get rid of that stupid name on my leg.”

“And I didn't make it better. On top of all that, I made your life a living hell. Castiel, I am so sorry.”

“I know, Dean, and it is alright. I told you already I’m not mad at you. In fact I wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday out in the parking lot.”

“You are really not the one to apologize for that. I was drunk, and not thinking straight, and I said some stupid stuff. I didn't mean any of it... or at least not the lemon part.”

“But you meant the part where you said you needed me?”

Dean blushed and cleared his throat. The grip around Castiel’s hand got a bit tighter as he looked everywhere but at Castiel. Castiel enjoyed seeing Dean flustered; especially knowing that he was the reason why.

“This is such a chick flick moment but...but yeah I meant it. You and a couple of other people are the only good and pure things in my life, and even I need some good stuff from time to time. But you said that you’re leaving after school, so I guess that we forget everything I said and just... I don't know… ignore the heart business.”

“Dean would you help me sit up?” Dean immediately reacted to his plea, supporting Castiel. The second Castiel was able to sit up straight without support he buried his fingers in Dean’s hair and pulled him in for a kiss. The Winchester froze in shock for a moment, but quickly relaxed. He closed his eyes and returning the kiss with a quiet sigh. His big warm hands moved to Castiel’s cheeks. Castiel opened his mouth slightly so Dean could slip his tongue in side, swirling it with Castiel’s softly, until they both ran out of air and had to part again. Both of them were breathless as Dean leaned his forehead against Castiel’s, smiling.

“I didn't expect that to happen.” Dean smirked.

“Well me neither, but I guess our hearts knew something we didn't,” Castiel answered with a shrug. “But I’m perfectly fine with the result.”

“Does that mean we are... I thought you were leaving!”

“Do you really think I would leave you after that?”

“Well...”

“The answer is no, Dean. I am here to stay... if you want me to…” Castiel said shyly.

“I do! I mean...that would be cool...I guess,” Dean blurted out to quick and tried to play it down.

“Do you want me to keep it a secret?”

“No, absolutely not. I mean… I don't think we would be able to after today anyway, but I wouldn’t want to either. I mean it, Cas. I am not like that son of a bitch.”

“I never thought you were, Dean,” Castiel said gently slowly lying down again as his boyfriend supported him again. “You are not a bad person. He was.”

The couple was interrupted by a knock on the open door. A tall, dark skinned figure was standing in the frame, leaning against it with a friendly smile on his lips. “Castiel, I see you are awake,” the man said not stepping closer. Castiel returned the smile. “Hello Doctor Uriel. I am sorry that I didn't come in for our therapy session today, but as you can see I was not in the right state to do so. In fact, I still don’t feel well enough. Please forgive the inconvenience, Sir.” Castiel spoke.

“Don't worry, Castiel. I came to see how you’re doing after what happened; not for a session. What I would like to do however, is borrow this friend of yours for a quick chat. Mister Winchester, would you mind joining me for a short walk?”

Dean frowned at the man, almost clenching his hand around Castiel’s. “How do you know my name?”

“Well you sit in front of a patient I’ve worked with for almost ten years. You can assume that he told me a couple of things about you.”

Dean looked between the man and Castiel who gave him a small nod. He stood up and walked towards the therapist, nodding with a blank expression. “You have my undivided attention.”

The two men left, the therapist leading Dean out of the hospital and into the small park near it. They sat down on a bench and stared at the people and their dogs for a while. Neither of them said a word until Dean broke the silence. “So, what do you want from me, Doc?”

“That you think twice before you act around Castiel.”

“Come again?

“You heard me, Dean. He is fragile and as today proved, emotionally unstable. After what he told me about you, you are the very last person he should have a relationship with. Although he likes you”

“I don't know anything about you man, so don't take it personally, but I don't give a rat’s ass who you think Cas should have relationship with. The two of us are meant to be, and I think that happened for a reason. This glowing business is my second chance, and I intend to use it. Sir.”


	14. Cas I sit next to you...boy?

Because Dean reacted so quickly, and instantly called the ambulance, they were able to prevent the worst. They gave Castiel vaccinations and kept him in the hospital for another two days just to make sure everything worked fine and he didn't have any other problems. Everything else, Dean took care of. Since the food they brought Castiel tasted like crap, and Dean wouldn’t leave the bed to get something to eat for himself either, he ordered a pizza for the two of them and they ate together. The other patients in the room just stared and glared at the couple, but it didn't bother either of the boys. They ate, they talked, they laughed and, despite the strange atmosphere of a hospital, they were happy.

The day Castiel was allowed to leave the hospital Dean was already waiting outside for him, leaning against his Chevy Impala, and sporting his cocky grin as usual. The happiness Castiel felt in that moment overwhelmed him for a moment, but he managed to swallow it down and walk towards Dean. He took his seat next to his boyfriend and Dean drove him to his place, holding his hand the whole time. Both felt a bit uneasy when they stepped into the Winchester house, especially after what happened the last time they did together, but John wasn't at home. When Sam came running down the stairs with a wide grin on his lips, greeting the couple, neither of them went on feeling unwelcome.

“So you’re alright, Castiel?”

“Yes, I am. Thank you for your concern, Sam.”

“Not a thing,” Sam answered nodding and grinning. “Can I call you Cas as well?”

The questions surprised Castiel but he nodded smiling. “Of course, if you like.”

For a moment an awkward silence fell. Both boys were rather shy, so nobody knew what to say, while Dean was leaning against the wall, watching his boyfriend and brother interact again. He didn't think about interfering or helping the conversation. It was far too amusing for him to see how the two would get along. In his mind the older Winchester imagined what they would talk about next, but what came next wasn't what he had expected.

“So you are my brother’s soulmate, right? Like you and him are actually together?”

Castiel blushed slightly, not knowing exactly how to answer. 

“Well...yeah I... I guess so.”

“That’s cool. I mean I knew my brother way gay since a couple of years ago, but I never thought he would actually out himself,” Sam said with a shrug. “Or have a male soulmate.”

“Sam!”

“What? It's true and you know it. I know it and so should you. You two should build your relationship on honesty otherwise the other people will crush it between their fingers.”

The couple just stared at the fourteen year old. Both were speechless until Dean punched his brother in the shoulder.

“I am the gay one? You've been reading those chick magazines again, haven't you?”

Castiel was shocked at how brutal those two seemed to act around each other when he saw the way Dean was trying to suppress a smirk and the challenge gleaming in the younger brothers eyes. The Winchesters had a different relationship than Balthazar and Castiel but it wasn't worse or better. Castiel found that he loved to watch them together.

“Actually they were lying around at Jess' place and while I was waiting for her I read them. Because I actually want to understand how my girlfriend works, and those magazines are more helpful than you think.”

“Dude you are such a little bitch.”

“And you are a huge jerk. I pity Cas already.”

Castiel started to laugh at that comment, the brothers giving him a strange look before they joined in. It was a rather strange meeting, but in the end, that was exactly how the relationship between Dean and Castiel was: strange. The only homosexual couple where one bullied the other, before they slowly fell in love with each other. Yet, neither of them could have been happier in that moment.

***  
The next day Dean picked Castiel up from his house. Castiel felt a bit uncomfortable that Dean now knew that he lived in an orphanage, and even in which one, so he made sure to wait downstairs until Dean came, so he wouldn't have to show him his room. He didn't understand why his new boyfriend insisted on picking him up when he usually walked to school. The only answer he got from Dean was that he did it because he could. Dean would never admit that it was actually because he was afraid of Castiel getting hurt, or hurting himself, on the way.

When the couple walked into the halls, far later then Castiel usually would, a lot of people stared at the two of them. Everybody knew what happened three days ago and, since neither of the two appeared in school to answer questions, rumors had started to make their rounds. There were innocent stories, like the soulmates had taken a bit of time for themselves, crazier stories about them running away together to get married in Las Vegas, and the absolutely crazy stuff, where Dean had killed Castiel and was now on the run from the cops. People never failed to surprise and confuse Castiel.

Since it was a Thursday, the couple had only two of six lessons together, so they were barely seen together. While Dean had Spanish, which he was quite possibly failing after not being in school for a month, Castiel was sitting in French, trying his best to understand what he missed.

In the first break the couple didn't manage to find each other, since everybody seemed to have thousands of questions. Especially Castiel, who found himself surrounded by what seemed like a hundred girls. Most of them talked about how concerned they were, and how sorry they felt. A couple of them mentioned what a dick Nathan was and that he was now ignored by everybody as a punishment, but one of them brought up something that Castiel didn't even notice.

“Hey Clarence,” Meg greeted as she pushed her way through the mass of girls. He gaze wandered to Castiel’s chest. “So it's not true? You and Dean aren’t soulmates. I mean… your chest isn't glowing at all, although he can't be all that far. That means everything was just made up. I knew I shouldn't believe stupid rumors like that.”

Castiel instantly stared down at his chest to see it for himself. It wasn't glowing anymore, not the slightest bit. There was no pain either. It was all gone, and for a moment he feared that Dean was right after all; that their being soulmates was just one huge mistake. He rested his hand on his chest, felt his normal heartbeat under it, and brushed over the two silver wings he was still wearing. The older student didn't understand what all of that meant but he had to talk to Dean about it as soon as possible. Sadly, that didn't work out as well as he planned to.

Although the two of them had a double lesson of physics together, they were not able to talk at all. Meg sat next to Castiel before Dean could even try to, so he had to move to his usual place in the back. From time to time, Castiel would try to turn around and speak to Dean by signing with his hands, but Meg would hit him to force him to pay attention instead, and the teacher wouldn't turn around to the blackboard for long enough. So Castiel spent the whole lesson being freaked out all by himself.

The first thing he did when the break started was to rush out of the room. Meg had flirted with him the whole lesson and he was feeling more than uncomfortable about it. She was pretty, she really was, with her long brown hair and those big eyes. She even had that sweet round face and an innocent smile that Castiel liked. But Castiel couldn’t find the courage to tell her that, although a lot of the rumors about him were not true, that one about being homosexual was. So he quickly ran into the cafeteria, collected his meal and tried to find a place somewhere in the corner where nobody would find him. Castiel was gulping down his food, when a heavy hand suddenly rested on his shoulder, making him jump in his seat.

“Hey, woah, Castiel! Calm your horses, it's just me,” Dean said, grinning widely.

Castiel exhaled loudly in relief, relaxing when Dean sat down opposite him. “I thought you were Meg or one of the others. She makes me feel uncomfortable.”

The Winchester laughed. “Yeah, I can tell. She was flirting pretty bad with you.”

“So I wasn't just imagining it? Good, because sometimes I tend to.”

“No, no you didn’t,” dean started with a laugh, but stopped suddenly when a red haired girl bounced up next to Castiel and sat down.

“Hey there,” she said with a wide grin. “Are the rumors true?” she asked looking between the two, seeming happy and calm.

“Hey, Charlie,” dean greeted the girl a bit perplexed, but was quick to return her smile. “Depends which one you mean… I obviously didn't kill Cas.”

“Ah, yes,” Charlie nodded. “I found that one the most realistic. Have to admit I was a bit disappointed when it wasn't true.” She turned to face Castiel and hugged him. “Don't take it personal, but I always thought Dean was a murderer. I was just waiting for him to break out of his facade.”

Castiel just sat there and listened. Shocked and confused. Charlie was in his grade, but he had never really talked to her at all. She didn't seem like the type of person Dean would usually befriend. Her red hair was in a ponytail, her nose decorated by huge black glasses, and her grey hoodie showed Spock and Captain Kirk in a rather sexual position. Nothing graphic, of course, that would be against the dress code, but it obvious. She was a geek, and Castiel always liked the way she showed that to other people without caring at all.

“I’m Charlie, by the way and you don't have to fear any kind of sexual attack from me,” she grinned widely. “I am as gay as the rainbow itself.”

Dean grinned at her and Castiel still seemed to be paralyzed for another moment, but then he smiled at her. “I know who you are. We have a couple of classes together. It is nice to know that I’m not alone with that. Are you openly gay?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I’ve had a couple of girlfriends already, so I assume people know. So what about you two? Are you an item now?”

“Yes,” Dean answered instantly, nodding before Castiel could even open his mouth. “We are officially together, and yes the rumors about us being soulmates are true.”

“Then why aren’t your hearts glowing?” she asked staring at their chests.

“Wait, what?” Dean stared down at his chest only to look up in shock. “Cas?”

Castiel shrugged with sad eyes. “I don't know. Meg pointed it out to me. I can't even tell when it stopped.” He was afraid that Dean would break up with him now that they didn't need to touch or be close to each other, but he was proven wrong the next second when Dean reached for his hand and took it.

“This doesn't change anything, Cas.” He said it so easily that it melted Castiel’s heart instantly. “Maybe we should talk to Ellen about it. She has a daughter, so she had a soulmate herself. She has to know.”

“Do you mean Mrs. Harvelle?”

“Oh yeah, right. There are actually people who call her that,” Dean answered in thoughts.

“Yes of course, Dean. She is our teacher and we have to respect those by calling them by their last name.”

“Well I very much respect Ellen, believe me I do, but it feels strange to call her Mrs. Harvelle. I mean that women practically raised me like a mother and could rip me into two if she wanted to.”

“She raised you?” Castiel asked confused. There was so much to know about Dean.

“Yeah, the Harvelle’s, Winchester’s and my family have lived in the same street for a long time. Jo, Sam, Dean and I all grew up together,” Charlie answered instead. “And since John was out a lot, Ellen brought me and Jo over to play and watched over all of us.”

“So that’s how the two of you know each other,” Castiel said with a interested smile.

“She’s like the little sister I never wanted,” Dean answered with a heavy sigh.

“I’m older than you are, Winchester,” Charlie snapped back, flashing a grin.

“And yet you act like a reckless toddler. I mean look at yourself, you can't even dress properly.”

“Hah! Just because you don't accept a bit of gay love in your life! Damn homophobe.”

“Charlie... I am in a homosexual relationship, and my soulmate is a guy… how am I homophobic?” Dean answered with a laugh.

“I was talking about gay ships, you idiot. Kirk and Spock are almost as good as Drarry.”

“You ship Harry and Draco too?” Castiel suddenly burst out before blushing brightly. “Sorry.”

“Am I the only sane one here?” Dean asked but was shushed by Charlie, who was smiling as bright as the sunshine.

“You’re a Drarry shipper?”

“I love the Harry Potter books and movies, and one day I stumbled over Fanfiction and what can I say? Smut makes for some very interesting reading.”

“Ah! I love you, Castiel! Dean you got yourself a good one! Keep, love and cherish him.”

“I was planning to, but thanks for your support anyway,” Dean answered rolling his eyes. “Why are you here again?”

“Ah, right! I actually came to thank you, too,” Charlie said suddenly seeming far more serious than before. “Dean, you know I like girls. I always have and always will, but there was literally no gay couple around. Not a single one. I was getting afraid I would get a male soulmate, and the thought was freaking me out. But then the rumors about you two started and now you’re even openly together... sort of... and I am really glad. I mean… that means I have a chance of a female soulmate; a chance for a happy life. So, thank you, guys.”

After that, Charlie just jumped up again, a wide grin curling up on her lips, and waved goodbye. Castiel liked her. Not only because she was a geek and liked similar stuff like him, but because she had the same fears as him and he actually understood her.


	15. Are you ready?

Castiel waited until Charlie was gone to break the silence. “You planned to?”  
  
“Of course that’s what gets stuck in your head… of all the things she said.”  
  
“Well... I never expected to hear such a thing from your mouth, Dean. I mean you did bully me for most of my school time so...”  
  
“Okay yes, I get it. I was a huge dick and don't deserve you.”  
  
“That is not what I was trying to say, Dean. Actually I wanted to support what Charlie said about you being homophobic and how I am surprised that you ended up being with one. I mean we are... aren't we?” Castiel asked blushing and stumbling over the words.  
  
Dean chuckled rolling his eyes. “Yes we are a couple. You, Castiel Novak, and me, Dean Winchester, are officially dating. We don't have to keep it a secret, you can answer the questions without fear of getting your ass kicked for it, and we are allowed to speak in public as well. Just... maybe keep it down a bit, okay? We don't have to make a show of it.”  
  
“Not that I planned on doing that, but we’re the only homosexual couple around, so our relationship will always be a grand show,” Castiel answered, without any of his usual amusement.  
  
He felt bad for his boyfriend. Dean had never been the type of guy to present his relationships in public, even when the girls desperately wanted to. He was caught making out with some girl or other outside of lessons a couple of times, hidden in some box room while the others were in class, but otherwise he never showed any kind of great affection for his partners. Now, however, he would have to face feeling like the newest hit on broad way with big flashlights over his head, because the manliest of the men in school, the coolest of the cool, was in a relationship with the nerdy school-ghost and favorite bully target. To be honest, even Castiel was a bit shocked and surprised.  
  
“What changed your mind?”  
  
“Hm?” Dean looked up from his food, and it took him a couple of seconds to process Castiel’s questions and a couple more to answer. “It a bit more complicated than you think, Cas. It's always easy to say that because I bullied you I was homophobic when really... can we maybe talk about that somewhere else? I don't like the idea of somebody from this rotten place hearing about our personal lives… Because I actually spend an awful lot of time thinking while I was away, and I think I finally found an answer. I think you deserve to be the first one I share it with.”  
  
Castiel nodded. “Okay,” he said in a quiet, gentle voice so nobody could hear. “But first we should go and talk to Mrs. Harvelle.”  
  
“Good idea,” Dean answered standing up.  
  
They put their tablets away and then pushed their way to the teacher’s lounge. It was strange how suddenly everybody wanted to talk to them. Castiel realized that he felt extremely uncomfortable in the spotlight, and he could tell Dean felt the same way. Castiel had always assumed that people like Dean enjoyed being the center of attention. At the end of the day, he was the most popular guy in school. But looking at him pushing his way through the curious masses, it was more than obvious that Dean was not one of them. Castiel felt pity for his boyfriend for having to handle this kind of stuff every single day, having to be perfect every single day, having to smile every single day, just so he wouldn't have to explain why he wasn't.  
  
When they finally managed to get to the door, it instantly opened and Ellen pulled the two boys into the almost empty room. Only a couple of their teachers were sitting around a huge table, slurping their coffee or tea. It was strange to see Ms Breaden having a chat with Ms Barnes; their, if rumors were to be believed, “psychic” psychology teacher, while Mr Crowley and Ms Asteroth were sitting alone in a corner whispering to each other and laughing occasionally. But the strangest thing for Castiel to see in that room were Ellen Harvelle and Bobby Singer’s reactions.  
  
The woman was standing in front of Dean, arms crossed in front of her chest, and glared up at him. Her eyes were burning and if a facial expression could look like a slap that would have been it. Bobby on the other hand, just sat there in his chair, turned it a little to look at the couple and looked more hurt and sad than angry. Castiel would have expected it to be the other way around but what was even more surprising was Dean’s reaction. Because he didn't glare back, he didn't say a word. He just stood there, hands in his pockets, head lowered, staring at the ground.  
  
“Why am I not surprised that the second you step foot into this school trouble starts everywhere,” Ellen snaps. Usually this woman sounds very friendly and even caring during her lessons but her voice was currently cold as ice.  
  
“You know me, Ellen. I bring trouble wherever I go,” Dean answered with a smirk, but Castiel can see the pain and apology in his eyes.  
  
“Is that the reason you didn't come to school for a month? To keep the trouble away? Because that is no excuse, Dean,” the woman yelled, causing both of boys to flinch and Bobby to stand up. “A month! Do you know what a month feels like, Dean?! Not one single call, not one message or whatever. Bobby and I were worried sick about you! John didn't know where you were. Charlie and Jo didn't know where you were either. Not even Sam knew were you were and you… you damn idiot don't leave a single message!”  
  
Bobby rested a hand on Ellen’s shoulder, trying to comfort her. Her first reaction was to turn around and glare at him too, but then her gaze softens and she let him pull her into a hug. Castiel could have sworn that he heard her whimper into the other man’s shoulders, but he didn't say a word, just stared up at Dean who looked so sad and broke that he wanted to hug him.  
  
“I’m sorry, Ellen,” he whispered. “I just... I needed some time to think. You know I’m not the brightest bulb in the box. I needed time for myself to think through everything that’s happened.”  
  
“Yes but one message...”  
  
“One message would have made me give in, and come back home. But I couldn't Ellen, I just...”  
  
“What happened, boy?” Bobby asked instead of Ellen, still holding her in his arms.  
  
“I eh... you both know Castiel, right?”  
  
“Yes of course we do,” Ellen said with a soft smile towards Castiel. “He is the best student of his whole grade. It's a pleasure to be his teacher.”  
  
“Yeah well he is my soulmate.”  
  
“Wait... what?!” Ellen jumped out of Bobby’s arms as both spoke at the same time, staring between the two boys.

“Yeah that’s one of the reasons I wasn't at school. Our hearts starting glowing like a freakin' inferno, and we didn't know how to hide it since we couldn't constantly touch. So I kept away from school for a couple of days and we met up after school. Only my father found us holding hands and… well… he beat the shit out of me. I had a broken rib and my nose wouldn’t stop bleeding so I lost a bit of blood so the hospital kept me in for a while. It gave me a lot of time to think about everything. I had time to accept the situation -  more or less - and then well... more things came to mind that I needed to think about, and to make a long story short, Cas and I are dating now,” Dean explained gradually getting quicker and quicker until he almost stumbled over his own words, blushing and staring everywhere but the adults.  
  
Castiel could tell that the tension was killing Dean, and he wasn't able to continue explaining, so he picked up where the Winchester left off. Clearing his throat, he began to speak: “As Dean has already said, we handled the situation somehow when in public, but now our hearts stopped glowing when we are close to each other, and we do not need to touch anymore. Although it’s obviously much more practical to be apart now, we’ve been asking ourselves whether it is possible that there was a mistake, and that maybe we’re not meant to be with each other. Anything that would explain the sudden change.”  
  
Bobby and Ellen exchanged looks before smirking at each other. “Well I might be able to comfort you. The two of you are meant to be, there are no mistakes in our biology. But there are a couple of reasons why hearts of soulmates can stop glowing.”  
  
“I just know about the declaration of love, the physical contact and death,” Castiel stated. “But neither of that happened or is happening.”  
  
“Well did the two of you kiss?”  
  
“Oh no! Please don't tell me this is this kind of 'one true loves kiss' bullshit,” Dean groaned rolling his eyes.  
  
“What do you think a kiss is?” Ellen asked in return.  
  
“An act of intimacy,” Dean tried obviously annoyed by the situation.  
  
“Yes and?”  
  
“A form of a love declaration,” Castiel answered.  
  
“Correct. So since you two kissed you declared your feeling for each other, and therefore don't glow anymore. The glow is just a mechanism that shows us that the person we are meant to be with is in fact standing in front of us. Of course we can decide to ignore that, but then the obvious and partially annoying glow won't fade. If we do, however, decide to accept our fate and our partner, the glow will go away and usually never return. The other effects stay forever though, to make it easier for us to keep the relationship going,” Ellen explained with a gentle smile.  
  
“What other effects?” the Winchester asked.  
  
“Ah yes the other effects. Because they are not biologically proven we are not allowed to teach them, but usually everybody experiences them. You feel the urge to be with the person, to touch and protect them. You tend to see the good stuff far more intensely. It's not like you're lovesick, and will only see the good things about your partner, but they stick in mind better than the bad stuff. Usually our brain remembers the bad experiences more vividly, and for longer than the positive ones but with your soulmate it's the other way around. But most of all, you feel a part of your partner’s emotions, and might grasp a bit of their thoughts as well. This way the people understand each other better even without communication, which creates a perfect and lasting relationship.”  
  
Castiel and Dean stared at each other. That seemed to explain so much. Now Castiel understood those feelings of pain and pity, understood the sudden attraction and the warm feeling in his chest when they touched. It explained why he wanted to protect Dean and why he felt so bad every time he saw the slightest bit of sadness in Dean’s eyes.

“So people are, more or less, forced into loving the other? Even if they don't want to?” Castiel asked. He could feel a sting in his heart and knew that he had hurt Dean’s feelings, but he didn't say anything. Dean knew what he had done to Castiel over the span of the years and no matter how forgiving the younger Novak might was, he wouldn't forget it all that soon.

“Well you could of course see it like that as well. I would say it's more of a nudge in the right direction... a unique opportunity,” the middle ages woman answered gently. She knew what the two boys had been through, so she tried to be as gentle as possible. “Nobody forces you to love the other, not even the glowing heart. It just gives you the chance to understand a person as well as you understand yourself. Hate usually has its start in misunderstanding or ignorance. So if you understand a person, it's usually a lot harder to hate them. Knowing their past helps even more so. Right, Dean?”  
  
The older Winchester nodded before he left the room again. The hall was finally empty again, but it wouldn't be for long. After Ellen and Bobby had asked Castiel to help Dean with catching up on his school work, the older student had left as well, catching up to walk with Dean. They walked side-by-side, not saying a word. The silence between them was dry and tense, but broken, thankfully, by Dean.  
  
“I can't go to football because of my rib. Do... do you want to go somewhere for the next two hours? I mean, to talk and stuff?”  
  
“I have French I can't just...” Castiel began, but after seeing that begging look in Dean’s eyes he simply couldn't say no. “Sure. Chuck likes me and I don't think we are doing anything important at the moment. Since we can't leave the school grounds, how about we go into the library? Nobody’s ever there.”  
  
Dean just nodded and quickly walked ahead. Castiel stopped for a moment to reach for his chest. He could feel his heart beat a little bit faster in his chest and he asked himself whether it was because Dean felt that way about him or because he felt that way about Dean. His fingers brushed over the silver necklace, which seemed to calm him as he exhaled, and followed Dean. When he opened the door to the empty library, he found Dean sitting between two bookshelves leaning against one of them, face buried in his hands.  
  
Castiel sat down next to him and stared up the high shelves. He thought about comforting Dean for a moment, before remembering that Dean wasn't the type for that, so he just waited until Dean sat up, rubbing his fingertips down his face and over his neck, swallowing loudly. Neither of them knew what to say or how to start, but Dean and Castiel knew they had to talk. There was so much to say and yet nobody spoke.  
  
“I’m scared,” Dean admitted after a couple of minutes. “Like shithead, crazy scared.”  
  
Castiel nodded. “Me too. But you know what? We only have each other and, surprisingly, I’m ready for that. Are you?”  
  
“God this is such a chick flick moment,” Dean groaned quietly to himself, then louder, “Yes... yes I think I am.”  
  
Castiel smiled at him and he could see the slight blush in Dean’s cheeks, knowing that he must have looked the same. His hand reached out for Dean’s, which was resting on his lap, and threaded their fingers together. Neither of them said anything as Dean’s finger started to brush over Castiel's hand gently, and both of them looked in other directions, not daring to look at the other, their cheeks blood red.

  
  
“Good,” Castiel said gently and for the first time since years he wasn't afraid of his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo I've began to add material like gifs to my work because I always love to have something to look at when I read ^^ I also added stuff like this to older chapters ad will continue to do so until I don't find any fitting gifs anymore :D


	16. Little Lover

What had started as a gentle, quiet and especially shy conversation in the library ended far too soon in breaking possibly every rule Castiel had written down in his mind. Their lips had somehow found their way to each other and then didn't part again for some time. After an hour of making out, pressing against each other in desperation for closeness, twirling tongues and fingers buried in the other’s hair, the two boys were kicked out of the library for making loud and inappropriate noises. The elderly librarian had cursed them, pushing them out of the door forcefully, while they laughed loudly. She had called them annoying brats, and stated that reading the bible would save their souls.

It was the happiest Castiel had been in months, and he felt alive as if Dean was breathing fresh air into his lungs. Yes, he was breaking every rule possible, but he was also feeling young. That was what youth was about, right? It was about doing stupid things, breaking the rules, and enjoying oneself. Because that was exactly what the younger Novak was doing at that moment, as Dean took his hand and started to run towards the exit. Even if he wasn’t being pulled along, Castiel would have followed Dean, oh-so-willingly.  
  
The couple ended up in the backseat of the impala, Dean lying on top of Castiel. His arms were resting on each side of Castiel’s face, so he could support himself and not crush his boyfriend, while their lips and tongues fought against each other. Dean’s hips were resting on top of his soulmate’s as he conquered Castiel’s mouth. He sucked at Castiel's lower lip, biting on it gently, asking permission to enter. Castiel gladly opened his mouth with a quiet moan, and then he could feel Dean’s lips around his tongue. He sucked on it for a moment before his own tongue started to stroke over Dean’s.  
  
Castiel’s right hand was buried in Dean’s dark blonde hair, digging a bit into the skin of his scalp, pushing him down, deeper into the kiss, while his left hand stroke down his boyfriend’s spine, enjoying the feeling of Dean’s muscles under his fingertips. A groan left Castiel’s mouth and was instantly sucked in by Dean, who pushed his hips against Castiel's. He moved them in slow, strong circles; Castiel’s lack of sexual experience forgotten as his pants got instantly tighter.

  
Yet again, the couple was interrupted by their schoolmates, leaving at the end of school. It was unbelievable for Castiel that they had just spend two whole hours making out in the back of Dean’s car, but he wasn’t about to complain. Both of them stared at each other breathlessly, cheeks flushed and obviously horny, but they couldn't just have sex in a car in front of their school. So, they jumped into the front seats and drove to Dean’s place.

His father was at the workshop, and apparently Sam had still two hours of school. The boys tried to find their way to Dean’s bedroom upstairs, but in the end they just ended up kissing and walking straight ahead into the living room, lying down on the couch. Despite the break between their make-out session in front of the school and now, neither of them had a problem jumping in where they left off; hard. The moment Castiel could feel Dean’s erection press against his through their pants, he was glad that he had waited for his first time.

  
He felt Dean’s big, strong hands find their way under his shirt and push it upwards. Castiel sat up and raised his hands so his boyfriend could pull it over his head and toss it to the ground carelessly. Dean bent his head down, licking at Castiel’s nipples, who returned his attention with a moan, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck and playing his fingertips through the soft hair there. He eventually found himself in his boyfriend’s lap. His legs were wrapped around Dean’s waist, head thrown back, moaning Dean’s name quietly.  
  
Dean pulled back from Castiel’s chest, and they both stared at each other for a moment. Their eyes were burning with a mixture of lust and love before Castiel broke eye contact to tug at Dean’s shirt until he lifted his arms and Castiel was able to pull it up and off. Their lips found each other again, hungry and passionate. Castiel started to move his hips against Dean’s, feeling their erections rub against each other through the fabric of their pants. While Dean’s fingers dug into the muscled flesh of his lover’s back, Castiel’s fingers wandering down to the fly of Dean’s jeans and started to unbutton them.  
  
“Cas,” Dean moaned quietly, breaking the kiss. “I don't have a condom.”  
  
Castiel chuckled. “I wasn't planning on doing that with you anyway,” he said with a husky voice. “We don't have enough space… or lube either… so we can’t do that righ now. But there are… uh… others things we can do. Things where a condom is not required. At least… not necessary.”  
  
“What are you...,” Dean began to ask, but stopped short when felt Castiel’s hand find its way into his pants, slowly starting to palm him. “Oh.”

  
What started as quiet moans got more and more intense with every minute. Dean threw his head back and his moans got louder and clearer.

“Castiel!” he moaned loudly. “Shit, Castiel!”

It was the most arousing thing Castiel had ever heard. The way Dean’s voice first dropped a couple of octaves only to end up high pitched motivated him to move his hand faster. That was, until he felt a hand in his own pants gripping his pre-come soaked erection. Dean’s hand started to move, quickly matching Castiel’s pace, until they moved in sync.  
  
It was messy and sticky and uncoordinated, but it felt right. His tongue licked over Dean’s lower lip, before slipping inside and meeting Dean’s tongue in a wet, hungry kiss. They moaned into each other’s mouths as their pace quickened on each other’s erections. Their torsos met and rubbed against each other as Castiel jerked his hips up to push into Dean’s hand quicker. Their kiss broke as Castiel moaned Dean’s name so loud that he was glad no one else was in the house, which only caused Dean to chuckle. His lips found their way to Castiel's neck and slowly started to trail is lips up and down until his teeth found one of Castiel’s sensitive spots, and he bit down on it.  
  
Castiel sucked his breath in as he felt Dean’s teeth bite into the flesh of his neck, and a tongue swirl over the reddened spot, soothing the sweet pain. Castiel didn't know much about kissing, or sex for that matter, but he was quite certain that Dean had just marked him with a love bite; “hickey”, he’d heard it called. Still, he didn't have much time to think about the meaning of it as Dean started to run his lips back up his neck again, reaching the most sensitive spot behind his ear, and kissing it softly. Dean’s lips against his skin caused a wave of pleasure to shoot through Castiel’s entire body. His body shivered, shaking almost violently, and both of them knew Castiel wouldn't last much longer.  
  
“It’s okay, Cas. You can let go,” So he did.  
  
With one last moan of Dean’s name, Castiel came in his pants. His seed spilled out all over Dean’s fingers as he collapsed against the solid chest in front of him. His breath was quick and shallow, his heart was pounding, but he couldn't just stop. He had to take care of Dean first. So he sat up again and reached to pull down Dean’s pants and boxers. He gently pushed Dean down against the pillows before sinking down between his lover’s legs. Castiel kissed the soft flesh of Dean’s inner thigh upwards from his knee, until his lips found their place around the head of Dean’s soaking erection.

  
  
Castiel’s tongue licked over the slit of Dean’s dick, while his hands moved over the rest of Dean’s length. He moved his head and started to take his boyfriend deeper and deeper until he had the fullness of Dean’s cock inside his mouth and throat. As one of Castiel’s hands found and fondled his boyfriend’s sack, he heard Dean suck in a sharp breath, Castiel’s name a harsh moan on his lips. That was motivation enough for Castiel to move quicker and suck a little harder until he felt Dean’s thick, salty seed fill his mouth.  
  
Castiel was used to the feeling, and it was Dean; he had no problem swallowing every last drop. He licked his lips, then trailed his tongue up and down Dean’s length, cleaning him while soothing him through the aftershocks of his heavy orgasm. Castiel had done it before, dozens of times, but this time felt so different, especially when he felt Dean’s hand gently pulling him up to press their lips together. Being pulled into a kiss after oral sex was definitely a new experience for Castiel, and those warm hands on his cheeks, caressing him so gently, was also something he had never felt before.  
  
It was so very different to how Castiel had expected his first time with Dean to be, but only in the best possible way. Dean was so much more gentle and loving than Nathan had ever been; putting Castiel first above himself. Everything from their messiness and clumsy touches to this very gently kiss was perfect in Castiel’s eyes, and he couldn't have felt happier with this new experience. Yes, waiting had been very much worth it. Knowing that he could trust the person he shared himself with, made it even more special.  
  
“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean whispered against the others lips after a while. “I would have warned you, but damn… you took me so deep and then it just came over me before I even realised it. Usually I last much longer but this was... well, different.”  
  
Castiel blinked a couple of times in order to process what Dean had just said. It was so unusual for him to hear an apology for letting someone come in his mouth. Their eyes met and locked, causing a warm feeling to spread through Castiel's gut. Dean just looked at him with those gentle, green eyes. Again, tenderness wasn’t something he had experienced before. Castiel felt unexpectedly secure around Dean, happy and warm, that he slowly started to forget about what came before. It was like all the bad was erased, and replaced by good memories and feelings.  
  
“What is it?” Dean asked with a smirk.  
  
“Nothing I’m just... overwhelmed,” Castiel answered truthfully.  
  
“That good, huh?”

Castiel could feel his heart beat a bit faster in his chest as Dean chuckled. It was a deep and raspy sound, strong and confident, but Castiel could tell that Dean felt shy and insecure as well. The only way Castiel could describe the feelings he got when Dean looked at him that way was love. Out of nowhere it was just there, creeping around his heart, as if it had always been there - waiting. And it wasn't like Castiel had forgotten about the past completely. No, it still lingered in the back of his mind - the pain and anger - but he understood now what Ms. Harvelle had said. There was so much more good than bad, and Castiel couldn't be more thankful for that change in his mind. His teacher was more than right: It wasn't force that brought them together but their choice after having the unique opportunity of seeing the other’s point of view. It truly was a second chance, and Castiel would do everything in his power to make it right.

“Yes,” he answered finally. “It was.”  
  
Dean blushed, and his eyes widened in surprise before his gaze softened again.  
  
“Does this make you my little lover?”  
  
“I am not little!”  
  
“Oh no. You really are everything but little, baby,” Dean said, a dirty grin curling his lips.  
  
“I uh... was that... was that a reference about the length of my… um, penis?” Castiel asked clearing his throat, earning a laugh from Dean.  
  
“Yes, it was. Didn't you mean that?”  
  
“No, I just wanted to state that I am not “little”, as you put it. My height is barely lower than yours.”  
  
After that response Dean was downright bursting out in laughter. “That was what you were talking about?”  
  
“Yes of course. Why should I be talking about the length of my penis in the first place?”  
  
“Most guys do.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I...I guess because you are manlier the longer your dick is.”  
  
“What? Why?”  
  
“Well I guess because the longer you are the better you can satisfy your partner.”

  
“But that’s not true. After a certain length it only hurts the women - or in our case, the man. The thickness is more important than the length, since it makes it easier to hit your partner’s spot.”  
  
“Yeah but... okay I give up. I am too stupid to have that kind of discussion with you.”  
  
“You are not stupid, Dean. You’re just lazy.”  
  
“Thank you for those kind words, Castiel. No sugarcoating please.”  
  
“I’m just being honest. I read what you sent me, and your work was surprisingly well written and researched. Therefore, I happen to know you can do a lot better than you do.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yes, really. Although I would have preferred it if you had answered the E-Mails I sent you.”  
  
Dean gaze turned sad and he looked away. “You heard what I said to Ellen. The same goes for you.”  
  
“Me? How am  _I_  a reminder of home?”  
  
“Believe it or not you remind me more of it than some other people.”  
  
“I mean  _home_  to you?” Castiel asked, while a pinkish blush crept into his cheeks.  
  
“Yes,” Dean answered with a slight groan. “Now change the subject.”  
  
Castiel looked at Dean. He didn't understand why his boyfriend was so shy about his feelings, but he wouldn't ask about it. If Dean wanted to talk about them Castiel would gladly listen, but he wouldn't push him into talking about something he obviously wasn’t ready to.

Castiel wanted to say something else, but the sound of a key being stuck into the keyhole broke the silence in the room, and a door opened.

“Shit.” Dean cursed.


	17. Nervous Shakedown

Dean stared down his own naked body and then at Castiel; half naked on top of him with a very obvious wet patch on his pants. They had about a half minute left before the person who had returned home would walk in and see them. Thankfully, Dean believed it was his little brother, and felt a little less panicked. However, as mature as Sam might have been, he was not prepared to find his older brother naked on the couch with another guy on top of him - especially after he had brought home dozens of girls. Seeing Dean with a guy now would only shock him, and the older Winchester didn't want to risk that happening.

  
“Okay listen”, he whispered. “As much as I love seeing you naked we have to dress now. Quick! I think that’s my little brother and I don't want your first proper meeting to start like that if you don't mind.”  
  
Castiel froze for a moment in shock before he jumped up and reached for their clothes on the floor. He put on his shirt and looked at Dean who hurriedly pulled on underwear and pants, before putting on his shirt as well. It was when Castiel realized that he had cum all over his pants and no idea how to hide that. That was until Dean handed him his football jacket, which turned out to be exactly the right size to hide his crotch. Not even a breath later the younger Winchester walked into the living room, and the couple quickly turned around to greet the boy with a friendly smile.  
  
“Hey Sammy, how was school?”  
  
“Not as good as it was for you, apparently”, Sam answered staring at Castiel with a raised eyebrow. “How are you doing, Cas?”  
  
Castiel nodded quickly giving the younger Winchester a shy smile. His hands were covered by the long sleeves of Dean’s jacket so he had to push them up in order to reach for Sam’s hand to shake. “It is a pleasure to meet you again, Sam.”  
  
“Oh, thank god”, Sam smiled. “You not only have a normal vocabulary, but didn’t call me Sammy like the girls my brother brought home before. It was so annoying to hear that stupid nickname from someone other than Dean.”  
  
Dean chuckled behind Castiel. “Oh come on Sammy, admit that you love your nickname.”  
  
“You know I hate it, Dean. It's for a chubby twelve year old, which I no longer am, by the way.”  
  
“Oh yeah, right, because you want to be respected as an adult now, and not as a child anymore.” Dean countered with a sarcastic tone.  
  
Sam shook his head silently. Instead he changed the topic. “So are you two dating or not?”

  
  
“No”, Castiel answered quick while Dean said “Yes” without hesitation at the same time. Then the two of them exchanged looks. While Dean seemed to be surprised and slightly hurt Castiel looked confused and tried to apologize.  
  
“No?” Dean asked while Castiel simultaneously asked “Yes?”  
  
“Yeah… well, of course. I thought I made that obvious, Cas.”  
  
“I thought you wanted me to keep it a secret from your brother,” Castiel answered instantly.  
  
“Oh for heaven’s sake, just because I didn't want him to walk in on us-” Dean started. “uh, making out, doesn't mean that I want to hide our whole relationship.”  
  
“So for the record: You two are dating?” Sam tried again, arms crossed in front of his chest and a wide grin on his face.  
  
“Apparently,” Castiel answered with a shrug causing the younger Winchester to laugh at him.

Although he didn't quite understand what was so funny about this situation he liked to watch Sam laugh. He had a happier laugh than Dean. It came far more naturally, and yet it sounded an awful lot like the laughs Castiel and Dean had shared. It was nice to see the boy’s whole face light up; his teeth showing, eyes sparkling. Cas tilted his head as he stared at Sam. He didn't look like Dean or their father at all. They had a similar hair color, but that was about it, so he assumed Sam took after his mother.  
  
“I like him. He seems so much more innocent than your previous conquests,” Sam said after some time. He still smiled but it seemed different. It wasn’t an amused smile, but rather kind and friendly, so Castiel had no other choice but to return it. He liked Sam too.  
  
“Yeah I like him too, so piss off! The adults want to do what adults do, and little rugrats like you are not allowed.”  
  
Castiel was shocked by what Dean was saying, but when he turned around he saw him smiling at his little brother, moving closer until he was standing in front of him. He brushed through his brother’s long hair before Sam punched him in the stomach with a snort. They wrestled for a while and, although Castiel was just standing there watching them do their thing, he didn't feel out of place at all. In fact, he felt right at home.  
  
“But Dean,” Sam whined. “I just came home. I don't want to lock myself up in my room so I don't have to hear you two have another make-out session on the couch.

  
“We didn't have-” Dean began, but Sam stopped him.  
  
“Liar, liar pants on fire. I don't believe you whatever you say.”  
  
“But your brother’s right. We didn't have a make-out session. We-” Castiel began before Dean turned around and covered his mouth, his eyes wide, shaking his head.  
  
“Okay okay, you’re right. We were making-out,” Dean lied.

 “Fine. You can stay, but you have to do your homework first,” he added still staring at Castiel, keeping his hand over his boyfriend’s mouth.

“Really? Cool! Can Cas help me with my homework? I sort of… slept through Math class and we started a new subject… And I mean the stuff I am doing he should be able to handle in his sleep.”  
  
Suddenly Dean let go of Castiel, and turned around to face his little brother. “You never ask me to help you with your homework.” He said, sounding hurt.  
  
“Yeah... because you’re an idiot.” Sam said with a straight face, before cracking up and running upstairs giggling, so proud of the way he had insulted his brother.  
  
“Little bitch he is. See why I feel stupid?” Dean spoke in thoughts, staring after his brother.  
  
“Why did you cover my mouth?” Castiel asked.  
  
“Why do you think, man? You don't tell a fourteen year old boy that his big bro just had gay sex on the couch he sits on, plays video games on and occasionally sits on to eat.”  
  
“So you lie?"

“Yes, Cas, I lie.”  
  
“I see. I will do my best to remember.”  
  
“Good. Now shush he’s coming back.”  
  
They could hear heavy footsteps on the stairs until Sam finally swept into the room with a couple of books under his arm and a wide grin on his face. He spread them on the table in the living room and sat down. Dean gave Castiel a reassuring glance, before gently pushing him in Sam’s direction. The younger brother instantly turned around, flashed Castiel another one of his bright, friendly smiles and patted the seat next to him. Cas gulped audibly, before he seated himself on the floor next to Sam and looked at the stuff in front of him. Oh, that was easy.

“Well, that’s just geometry. I can help you with that, no problem at all,” Castiel said with a wide smile on his lips. “I loved Math when I was your age.”

“Yeah, I like Math too. It's either right or it’s wrong; there’s no in between. I like that. But I was so tired today ‘cause I didn't sleep all night and then... well you know the rest of the story,” Sam said shrugging.

“Oh beautiful... now I have two nerds in my life. Thank you, Satan,” Dean groaned.

“I told you not so speak about him. You know I have nightmares about that,” the younger Winchester snapped at his brother.

“Yeah, well, pity little bro. It’s just a saying, and I’ll keep using it. Plus, you’re afraid of everything you see in a horror movie. I thought you learned your lesson after we watched 'It' and you discovered you were terrified of clowns.”

“Dean! How can you say that in front of Castiel? Do you have to embarrass me in front of your boyfriend?”

“You never minded in front of my girlfriends.”

“Yeah well, they were shallow, and I knew they wouldn't last. Cas is here to stay,” he said, very sure of his own words. “So if you don't mind, I don't want him to know the most embarrassing things about me the first time we meet,” Sam snapped.

Castiel blushed a little, but then smiled at Sam. “You don't need to worry. Fears are irrational and nothing to be ashamed of. We can't choose them. In fact, I’m afraid of dogs.”

“Dogs? Why are you afraid of dogs? I mean I heard people being afraid of bugs and bees, but dogs...never,” Sam said, while Dean struggled to suppress his laughter.

“Oh no, I love bees. Bees are my favorite animals, and I don't understand why people don't like them. Cats on the other hand are mean. They’re stubborn and have no use whatsoever.”

“Okay well this conversation just got boring, so I'm just gonna go make us some snacks and stuff. No flirting,” Dean said and left for the kitchen.

Sam and Cas exchanged looks of disgust and incomprehension before they shrugged, laughed and continued to talk.

“Yeah, I get what you mean about cats. I’m not a big fan either, but I do love dogs.”

“Dogs are incredible creatures and so helpful too,” Castiel agreed.

“Dean hates them for some reason. He would kill me if I got a dog anywhere near his car.”

“How can you not like dogs?”

“No idea!” Sam said with a shrug.

Castiel shook his head. “Anyway, back to your stuff. You just have to calculate the volume, scope and area of those, am I right?” he asked, pointing to the paper in front of him.

“Yeah, but there is always one number missing, and we have to use that one to answer the question.”

“You just need a formula for that. Let me show you…”

 

When Dean returned to the room with Burgers Sam was sitting hunched over his homework, while Castiel pointed at specific things on the paper. Both had matching looks of utter concentration on their faces, and when Sam did something right, and of course Sam did something right pretty often, Cas would smile at him, and Sam would return that smile somewhat shyly but with a hint of pride in his eyes. It warmed Dean’s heart to see that. Sometimes he couldn't be there for Sam, especially when it came to school work, and their father was never around, so Cas might be the best thing that happened to both of them.

Dean cleared his throat after realising he’s been standing in the doorway for quite some time. “Food is ready, if you two nerds are ready for burgers,” Dean said with a smirk on his lips.

“Yes! Burgers!” Sam cheered. “Oh man, Cas. You have to try Dean’s burgers. They are the best ever.”

Sam jumped up and quickly walked towards Dean. He almost ripped the plates out of his brother’s hands, and almost instantly return to the table, placing one of them in front of Cas.

Castiel glanced at the burgers suspiciously. He hadn't eaten many of these in his life and since a month he wasn't allowed to eat them anyway.

“I don't think I’m supposed to eat this. I’m on a diet, you see,” he explained and Sam looked rather disappointed.

“Cas, of course you’re allowed to. Don’t worry,” Dean said. “Besides, they’re not as fattening as they are at McDonalds or Burger King. Eat up!”

Sam nodded in agreement and Cas couldn't think of any other reason not to eat it, so he lifted the burger to his mouth. His lips closed around it and – dear god this thing was amazing!

“Oh mih goh! Thi ih amazih”, Castiel groaned with a full mouth.

Both Sam and Dean laughed, while Cas continued to enjoy his meal.

“Are you happy?” Dean asked.

He was still leaning against the door frame, and Cas could tell that he was trying to look cool and smug. He did, but there was also a suspicious blush creeping into his cheeks, and Castiel couldn't hide the smile it was bringing to his lips.

“Yes,” Castiel admitted, after swallowing his first bite. “These make me… very happy,” he said looking at the burgers and then at Dean.

Dean got the message and his blush brightened. He looked a little shocked for a moment, but then grinned like an idiot, feeling rather pleased with himself. Sam ignored everything, just rolled his eyes at the whole lovey-dovey situation and began to eat as well.

Seconds later, Dean seated himself opposite to his brother and boyfriend with his own plate, and everybody ate in silence. Sam constantly stared between the smiling couple, noting the fact that they were both blushing but never actually looked at each other. That was the moment he realized that they were holding hands under the table, and he decided it was time to leave them alone. Not only because he wanted to give them their deserved privacy, but also because he feared to puke if he stayed a moment later.

“Thanks for explaining this stuff to me, Cas. You would be an amazing teacher, you know?”

“You're very welcome,” Cas said with a bright smile.

Although he was a tiny bit disgusted by his brother at the moment, he’d never acted so in-love and sweet and, quite frankly, it was scaring Sam a bit, but he was very happy for the two of them. Cas was a good guy, that much he knew already, and he would be good for his older brother. Dean got a bit off the path but he wasn't a bad person per se. Cas was exactly the right person to help Dean find his way back, and he was finally safe from bullying.

“You will be an amazing soulmate as well, you know. You’ll be his savior,” Sam added quietly so only Cas could hear. He gave them both another nod before he disappeared upstairs with his books, locking himself up in his room, leaving his brother, and  a surprised but happy Cas behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so eh I changed Castiels fear from cats to dogs because of reasons XD


	18. Two's up

When Sam was finally gone, Dean turned towards Cas. “So uh... makes you happy, huh?” he asked.

“Are you referring to yourself or the burgers?” Castiel answered with another question.

“Don't be such a smart ass. You know what I mean.”

Castiel laughed. “Yes Dean, I was referring to you. You do make me happy when you’re not about to throw me into a locker.”

“You’re gonna be mad about that for a long time, aren’t you?” Dean asked, scratching the back of his neck.

“I am not mad. I told you, I forgive. That doesn't mean I’ll forget it all that easily.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right to. How about I make it up to you? Starting right now!”

“What do you mean?”

“Let's go on a date. I mean a real date-date. We can do whatever you want to, and I won't complain.”

“You won’t complain? Wow, I am truly impressed,” Castiel said laughing. “I would very much enjoy going on a date with you.”

“So...what do you want to do?”

“Well since we can't stay here because of your father, going to the movies would be my first choice. I am not fit enough to move that much at the moment, but I’d really enjoy watching a movie with you.”

“Movie? That is a great idea. Perfect, actually!”

“Dean, that doesn’t mean we’re going to make-out the whole time.”

“I didn't mean that,” Dean answered, pouting like an offended toddler. “Whatever movie you pick will tell me a lot about you. It's a good first step, you know, to get to know each other.”

“Oh that… that’s actually rather sweet of you,” Castiel said, surprised.

“Yeah, I have my moments. So, what movie?”

“I um... I was thinking about the new Captain America movie.”

“The Winter Soldier?”

“Yeah, that one!”

“You like Marvel?”

“I love Marvel!”

“Do you like DC?”

“Don't tell me you like DC, Dean.”

“I love Batman.”

“I can live with that.”

***

The night was absolutely perfect. During the ride to the theater Cas and Dean had a huge discussion about whether DC or Marvel was better and, although Dean began with the opinion that DC was better, he changed his mind eventually, thanks to Castiel’s winning arguments. He still loved Batman, of course, and decided that he was the best superhero ever, but all in all he agreed on Marvel being the better brand, and Castiel couldn't have been more thankful.

“You watched the first Captain America movie, didn't you?” Castiel asked as they were buying the tickets.

“Yeah, Sam wanted to watch it. But that is about the only Marvel movie I watched.”

“What? No Spiderman? Thor? Avengers? Hulk? Nothing? Oh I know what our second date will be!”

“Let me guess,” Dean laughed. “You are forcing me to have a Marvel marathon with you?”

“Netflix is my best friend, Dean. Of course I am forcing you to have a Marvel marathon with me. Besides, I won’t have to “force” you to watch them, because you will love Marvel after this movie.”

Dean was a bit suspicious and unsure, but when the movie started he shut up. When the movie was over, his gaze was full of awe, and Castiel was sure that he had recruited yet another Marvel fan. Dean had eaten a whole bucket of popcorn, a share bag of gummy bears and the largest bag of M&M's they could find, during all the fight scenes and the exciting parts; which was basically the whole movie.

At the parts where it got really exciting he would tighten his grip around Castiel’s hand, lifting it to knock it into the arm rest in his excitement. Castiel could only laugh at that, being more than happy that Dean was enjoying himself just as much as Castiel was.

On their way out, Dean talked and talked and talked about how amazing the movie was and Castiel just looked at him and listened. His pupils were still dilated, but the green around them was glistening. He was smiling the whole time and looked genuinely happy.

“Steve is so funny 'cause he is like really confused by our time. Also he is so super loyal - I like that. I mean what he did for Bucky... wow.”

“And what Bucky did for him”, Castiel agreed nodding.

“True, true, true. But the best is that red haired woman. Black Widow... was it?”

“Yes. Her name is Natasha Romanova or actually Natalia Alianovna. Most of the fans call her Natasha Romanoff though.”

“She kicks ass. I mean she is like really amazing.”

“Right? Just you wait until you see the Avengers or Thor. You will love her in every movie.”

“She is exactly what I like about Batman, just in a female body and even better. I mean she doesn't even have money or any of the gadgets he uses and she’s still amazing.”

“So… the Marvel marathon?”

“I can't wait! This weekend?”

“Are you asking me out on a second date, my dear Mister Winchester?”

“It would be my pleasure, my beloved Mister Novak. I do have three years of bullshit to make up for.” Dean said with a wry smile.

“Oh then you can do more than pay for the movie and the popcorn,” Castiel said grinning.

“I intend to, believe me,” Dean said in all honesty as he pulled Castiel into his arms.

It took Castiel by surprise, but he didn't fight it. In fact, he enjoyed the warmth of Dean’s arms wrapped around him. It was still cold outside, especially in the evenings, so being wrapped in someone else’s arms was the perfect way to keep warm. Especially when that person was looking down at you with such warm, gentle eyes.

“Forest,” Castiel whispered quietly.

“What?” Dean asked with a surprised smirk.

“Your eyes. They’re green and warm, like a forest.”

“You sound surprised. They didn't change color.”

Castiel’s right hand reached up towards Dean’s cheek, and he gently brushed over it while their eyes locked together.

“They did to me. From poison to a nice forest, full of life.”

Dean looked sad as he bent down. He did so slowly, so that Castiel had the chance to stop it from happening, if he didn't want to kiss him. But at that moment, it was exactly what Castiel wanted. So he stood up to his tip toes, and closed the gap between them with a happy sigh. They got disgusted looks and stares from a couple of people passing, but neither of them cared at that moment. In fact, they were the happiest two idiots in the whole of Kansas, if not the world.

When Dean broke the kiss he smiled down at Castiel.

“I should drive you home.”

“Are you suggesting something?”

“No?! Why does everybody always think that?”

“Well -”

“Okay, okay I get it. No, I just want to get you home safely… and maybe steal another good bye kiss.”

“Oh, Dean, don't tell me you’re actually that romantic?” Castiel said with a gentle smile.

“No. I’m just… good at goodbyes,” he said, and suddenly the mood felt strangely sad.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he whispered.

“It's okay. Should we go then?”

“Yes,” Castiel said flashing him a bright smile to cheer him up, and took Dean’s hand in his. “But not home yet. I have something I want to show you first.”

Dean didn't know what Castiel was talking about, but feeling his gentle grip around his hand, and the way he smiled at him, made him feel secure and excited. Suddenly Castiel began to run and pulled Dean, who was surprised and off balance at first, along with him. They ran together, laughing, the cold wind was burning in their lungs, but neither of the young men cared. After another five minutes they came to a halt in front of a tiny Cafe called 'Pie Palace.”

“What is that?” asked Dean, his eyes wide as he stared at the name that was hung over the little glass door.

“Sam mentioned you loved pie, and I've been coming to this place for ages. It is the best pie in the world and I wanted to share that with you.”

“Cas,” Dean said his tone serious. “You are the best boyfriend ever and please, never change,” he said resting his hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

Castiel blushed and took his hand again as they walked in. The old lady behind the counter greeted Castiel, hugged him and pinched him on the cheek like a grandmother would. It was usually not pleasant to receive such attention, and Castiel should be embarrassed by it, Dean could see the way Cas' whole face lit up and his eyes sparkled. It made him happy to see his boyfriend like that, but it also hurt to know why it made Cas so happy. The simple fact was that he had no one else. In that moment, Dean swore to himself that he wouldn't just make it up to Cas, but that he would also do everything he could to fill those gaps in his heart.

Castiel talked to the lady for a while before he turned to Dean for a moment and the blushing back to her. He earned a tight hug before the women pushed him away telling him to take a seat. So Castiel and Dean sat down and the women disappeared into a room in the back, leaving the two of them alone.

“She seems… nice.”

“Yeah, she is. She’s wonderful actually. I never had a grandmother really, but I imagine it must be like her,” Castiel replied, smiling to himself.

“So - uh – how’d you find this place?” Dean asked. He wanted to know more about Castiel.

“I work here. Have done for a couple of years now. It's usually quite empty and quiet, but it always smells amazing. I love working here. It will help me pay for college as well so I couldn't be more grateful.”

“College...  right. You never told me what you want to study, just that you want to leave.”

“Dean,” Castiel sighed. “I said that before, when I was mad. I don't want to leave per se. Although seeing a bit of the world - or at least more than Kansas - would be nice. But since you asked, I planned on studying a couple of languages and becoming a teacher. I mean, Mr. Shurley is such an amazing German and French teacher, and Miss Braeden is the kindest Latin teacher I ever had. That plus me speaking Serbian and Spanish is a wonderful basis, and I always loved to work with children.”

Dean wanted to say that Castiel was beautiful. Because in that moment, talking about their teachers and how they inspired him, and about his future and the way he loved children; he was. But then Dean shook his head, blushing. That was far too cheesy, especially for him.

“Sounds like quite a plan,” he said instead. “I’m sure you can do anything you set your mind to. If you can’t, nobody can.”

He could see Castiel shift in his seat and look away as he blushed; Dean’s face lit up with a smug smirk. He had to admit, that he liked the effect his words had on Cas.

“W-well what about… about you?” Castiel asked after he cleared his throat.

“I want to be a fireman, actually.” He said, a little embarrassed.

“Really? That’s amazing! I mean really you would be a modern hero.”

“Okay, Cas. Don't overdo it,” Dean said, laughing shyly.

“No, but really. You would save lives, Dean. That’s wonderful. When did you decide to become a fireman?”

“When my mother burned to death in a fire,” Dean answered, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Castiel wanted to say something, but then Mrs. Gordon arrived with their pies – one cherry, one apple – interrupting them with a bright smile.

“I am really happy that you’re my boy’s soulmate. He’s been such a wallflower for years, and now that his brother’s left he really needs somebody to take care of him. But I’m not good enough for that job, old bones that I am.”

“Mrs. G. you know you’re doing a great job in taking care of me,” Castiel said instantly, and she brushed through his thick hair.

“Thank you, my boy. Still, I am happy for the two of you,” she said again, before leaving.

“She is so nice,” Dean said staring after her, in a desperate effect to change the topic to something else but his mother. Of course it didn't work.

“Yes, she is. And you know who else was? Your mother.”

“You won't drop the topic.”

“Nope, not a chance. You need to talk this out, Dean.”

“Talking is not really my thing,” Dean said, as he buried his fork into the pie and took a bite.

It was, without a doubt, the best pie he had ever eaten in his life. He moaned happily as he ate another fork full, ignoring the look Castiel gave him.

“Then what is your thing?”

“Sex,” He admitted. “I am good at meaningless sex.” He paused. “That's about it.”

“Okay,” Castiel said thoughtfully. “Then we will have meaningless sex after this.”

He didn't know whether it was _what_ Castiel said or the fact that he said it with such an innocent, straight face, but Dean almost choked on his pie.

“Come again?” Dean coughed.

“If that’s what you _can_ do and _want_ to do, we can have meaningless sex. Maybe that will help you talk.”

“Cas, for god’s sake, no! You’re not just one of my flings, and I don't ever want to start treating you like one. No way on earth is that going to happen, man.”

“Well… do you want to elaborate on your feelings towards your mother, then? Because that is what couples are supposed to do… as far as I know. Talk about feelings and their past.”

“I just want to honor her by taking that job. Save some poor kid from the same fate, you know? More I really don't want to say about it. Plus, I need to pass the damn year first.”

“I could tutor you. If you like, of course.”

“You would do that?”

“Yes, of course. We can do homework together, and I can explain you the stuff you don't understand. Plus, I am partially the reason you have to catch up in school and as your boyfriend and soulmate it is my duty to defend the honor of your brain.”

“You’re an idiot, Cas,” Dean said grinning.

“Tough, cause I am your idiot and you won't get rid of me.”

“Believe it or not...I don't want to get rid of you at all.


	19. Playing with Girls

A couple of months had passed, and before Dean and Castiel knew where the time had gone, it was the middle of June and their time at high-school was coming to an end. Both Castiel and Dean got into their first pick colleges, and got full scholarships. Castiel, of course, for his extraordinary grades, while Dean got it for his achievements in sports. Thanks to Castiel, Dean also passed the year with surprisingly good grades too.

Unfortunately, many of the teachers were suspicious of how well Dean was doing, which lead to an awful lot of problems for the couple. A week or two after Castiel and Dean's first official date, they had to sit a chemistry exam. For the first time in a long time Dean was actually confident about it. When he got it back, however, it was marked with a big, red 'F', and he couldn't understand why. Everything was right, and even Castiel checked it. So they went to the teacher, Mrs. Asteroth, only to be told that Dean had cheated and deserved what he got

They had to go to the principle to solve the problem. It took several hours of heated discussion, coupled with venomous glares from their teacher for the rest of the year, to get Dean the 'A' he deserved. Then Miss Barnes suggested to Castiel that Dean would end up in an intimate situation with his Spanish teacher; Which of course ended in drama when Castiel found Mrs. Braeden hugging Dean for achieving his first A+ in a test. Castiel's jealousy got the better of him, and although Dean tried to explain the situation over and over,  when Cas finally opened the door to his room, they ended up having angry sex. Castiel, of course, was also Dean's Spanish teacher. Ironically, Miss Pamela Barnes was right from the start in her prediction.

Of course, then there was the adventure of Sam and Dean, who followed Castiel around the town as he went shopping with Meg. Sam had tried to tell his brother that what they were doing was ridiculous, and that Castiel was simply trying to spend time with Meg as a friend, but the paranoia wouldn't leave Dean alone. So Sam had had to follow his brother around while Dean followed Castiel around. When the two friends had exchanged a goodbye kiss on the cheek, Dean's chest was burning with rage and jealousy which, once again, ended in a heated discussion, and finally with angry sex.

For the most part, the two boys were happy. They loved each other like idiots, and the angry sex was always amazing. Sex in general was amazing, and they had plenty of it; On the couch, on the floor, in the kitchen and even in the pie store Castiel worked at. Once, when Dean came home sweaty and greasy from his new part-time job at the garage, they had the craziest sex. Dean quickly discovered that Castiel was quite the kinky son-of-a-bitch, that loved Dean all manly and dirty. Needless to say, Dean made sure to see Castiel more often directly after work, neglecting to take a shower beforehand.

Besides a little drama here and a heated argument there, nothing exceptional happened in their lives until the 20th of June, when a girl named Dorothy Baum walked through the halls of their school. She had just moved to town with her father, and wanted to get a first look at the school she would be attending. It would be her senior year and, although she was new and only wanted to look at everything, people had already started to stare after her with respect. No one more than Charlie, whose heart lit up like a Christmas tree.

The boys were standing right next to her when it happened, and Castiel had to pull her into the girls bathroom to splash water into her face as she freaked out. She had been eighteen for almost a year now, and the whole time she had been freaking out about the Soulmate business. But now there was this new, younger girl and that was it. She was it, and Charlie couldn't have been more excited.

“Oh. My. Holy. Cow. It's her! She's my soulmate, Cas,” she said, as her fingers dug into the flesh of his arm. “Uh... you arebuilt, boy,” she noted, before continuing to freak out. “I need her name! I need to meet her! I need to know everything about her!”

“You uh... you might want to go out and actually talk to her. I mean, her heart is glowing too, and she didn't even see you,” Castiel said, calmly.

“Oh my god, you're right! What if she doesn't like me? What if she thinks I'm ugly?”

“Well... Dean and I didn't like each other.”

“Yeah, but you two bitches at least _knew_ each other. And please don't start telling me the story of your magical gay love, or I'm gonna puke,” Charlie bit out, causing Castiel to laugh.

“Fine, I won't tell you the beautiful story of how we found our magical gay love. But I will push you out of this bathroom now, and force you to talk to that Soulmate of yours.”

Before Charlie could snap back an answer or a sarcastic comment like she wanted to, Castiel grabbed her shoulders, turned her towards the door, and pushed her out, where she almost ran into the new girl.

“Hey”, she said with a smirk.

“H-Hello there,” Charlie stuttered, looking up. “You're pretty tall for a Junior.”

“Soon to be Senior, if you please,” the girl answered, still smiling, her gaze on Charlie's chest. “It's funny, you're my Soulmate, but I don't even know your name.”

“Charlie. Charlie Bradbury.”

“Pleasure. My name is Dorothy Baum.”

“Dorothy? Like from Oz?”

The girl laughed. “My father loved the books.”

“I can tell.”

“Well, Charlie. I am very happy to meet you. I mean, it's only been five days since my eighteenth birthday, and I was really afraid I would get some stupid boy.”

Charlie laughed. “No, nope, no boy here. Actually quite fond of my breasts.”

“Mhm... me too,” the girl answered with a wink before she turned waving them goodbye over her shoulder. “See you guys.”

Castiel and Dean exchanged looks while Charlie stared after her. Suddenly she turned towards the couple, smiling as bright as the sunshine itself.

“She's perfect! I mean she is tough and witty and cool and... I can't wait to get to know her!”

“We're... happy for you,” Dean said, as he gave Castiel a questioning look.

Castiel nodded, smiling to reassure Dean that he had said the right thing. He was still a little rusty with his social skills, especially concerning his emotions, but he was getting there, and Castiel was a great teacher.

“Wait did you just say 'we'?” Charlie asked, raising an eyebrow. “Are you two a 'we' now?”

“Charlie we've been a 'we' for over four months now.”

“Don't give me that stupid face of yours, Winchester. I am talking about 'WE'. That state that old married couples fall into when they've been together for a long time. No longer individuals, but a 'we'; where one person always answers for both of them.” She said, giving Dean a sideways look.

Castiel was the first one to crack up and laugh, followed closely by Dean. They _were_ a 'we', apparently, but neither of them seemed to mind. If laughing when the other laughed and being happy when the other was happy made them some sort of cheesy, old married couple, they were more than happy to be one.

“God help me, you two are disgusting,” Charlie said rolling her eyes, but then laughed too.

 

***

Graduation was the most exciting day of their lives, for more than just the life that was waiting for them in the outside world. So many things happened and, besides the morning before the ceremony, there was not a single calm moment during the whole day.

While Dean was preparing breakfast for himself and Sam, his brother gave him bright, proud smiles and spent the morning making stupid jokes about what a miracle it was that he actually managed to graduate. Meanwhile, Castiel was putting on his long, blue gown. He stared at himself in the mirror for a long time, feeling suddenly nostalgic. His time at high-school pretty much sucked for the most part, but the past five months had been the best of his life; all thanks to his former bully, and now boyfriend, Dean.

He had changed so much, especially his physical appearance. The robe was wide, but his newly gained muscles could be seen under it, and his hair looked good, even under his graduation cap. But what caught his eye the most, were the silver wings he purposefully wore around his neck over his gown. He loved them, and never took them off. They were a symbol of the relationship he and Dean had built.

Speaking of which, he was disappointed in his boyfriend that morning. After Castiel had gotten used to the fact that Dean saw his room, his boyfriend had often slept over. For the last month, Dean had stayed with him almost every night, but the day before graduation Dean had left Castiel to sleep alone, knowing that he slept so much better with Dean by his side. The worst part was that Castiel didn't even know why. Dean had simply told him that it was really important, and that Castiel would have to forgive him. Castiel knew he would, but in that moment he was angry about the fact that Dean had left him to practice his speech all by himself, and hadn't even listened to it once. But there was no time left to bother about it though. The speech was written and memorized, and Castiel had to get to school.

Dean's car was parked in front of the orphanage, with Sam sitting in the back smiling up at Castiel, who was standing in his window. The Valedictorian hurried down the stairs and into the car, where he refused to give Dean a kiss as punishment for leaving him alone all night.

“Oh come on," Dean whined, pouting. "I told you it was important. Don't be mad at me.”

“Forget it, Dean. That... this... that face won't work. You know what was important to _me_? My speech. I practiced by myself, and you didn't even hear it once. I also slept terribly without you, thank you very much. So no, you are not getting a kiss.”

Castiel heard Sam's snickering in the back seat before Dean turned and smacked him on the back of the head, causing the younger Winchester to shut up.

When they arrived, Charlie and Dorothy were already waiting, holding hands and laughing together. They had started dating two weeks before, a short time after their first meeting, and they were very smitten with each other. Jess, who was there to watch the ceremony, was pulled into a tight hug and kissed sweetly by Sam, who jumped out of the car before it had stopped completely, causing Dean to roll his eyes. He still didn't like their relationship, and Castiel didn't like the way Dean was thinking about it, so he nudged him in his side and they left to find their seats.

The ceremony was long and was mostly boring, until Castiel's speech. The whole time Dean stared up at his Soulmate, a bright smile on his lips and eyes filled with pride and, when it was finished, he was the first to stand up to applaud, followed quickly by everyone else.

After everybody had congratulated Castiel on his exceptional grades and wonderful speech, the first thing he did was to walk towards Dean who was waiting for him with open arms. They hid under the bleachers, hugging and kissing. Both of them were afraid for the future, especially since they were going to different places for college. This kiss was everything that was holding them together, until Dean suddenly broke it and left Castiel standing there, flushed and breathless. Castiel wanted to protest and pull him close again, but Dean removed his eager hands, and dropped onto one knee, pulling out a silver ring.

“Will you marry me?” he asked, his shining green eyes wide as he looked up at Castiel.

“Dean?! What are you doing?”

“Proposing. What does it look like I'm doing?”

“Well, I can see that... but same sex marriage is illegal in Kansas.”

“Yeah, it is. But it's not in Iowa, and in Colorado we could get a civil union if you don't want to drive too far.”

“Dean you _do_ realize that this is an awful lot of responsibility and obligation you're getting yourself into. I never thought you were ready for such a big step. I mean it's only been five months.”

“I know. _I know._ I wasn't...  maybe I'm still not really. But I owe it to you. Not because I bullied you or made your life hell, but because you deserve all the love in the world, and I owe you my full devotion. You're the love of my life; our glowing hearts were poof of that. And even if that wasn't proof of our bond, I would still want to spend the rest of my life with you. That glow was the best thing that ever happened to me. They opened my eyes to so many things, including you and I couldn't be more thankful for that. I'm not just doin this for you, though. Of course I have selfish reasons. Yes we've only been together a short while, but these past five months have been the best of my life. Cas, if there is even the slightest chance that my life could be like this forever? Then I want to take that chance. I want you to wear this ring forever, and I want everybody to see that you're taken; that you're mine, the same as I'm yours. I want to start forever here, today.”

“Oh my – maybe you should have written the speech,” Castiel said, tears filling his blue eyes. “'Damn it, Dean! I swore to myself I wouldn't cry.”

“Will you do me the honor, then? Will you marry me?”

“Of course. Yes, Dean I will marry you.”

“I love you, Cas.”

“You've never said that before.”

“Neither have you.”

“I wanted to... but you never did.”

“Okay, let me say it again: I love you, Cas.”

“I love you too. I love you so much, you cheesy idiot.”

“I consider myself more of a romantic than cheesy, really.”

“You wish.”

“Anyway, I'm _your_ cheesy idiot.”

“Yes, yes you are,” Castiel said with a soft smile before he kissed Dean, and they laughed against each others lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's a bot late but enjoy the new chapter :D


	20. Mistress for Christmas

Everybody who complained about High-school had no idea what College was like; if High-school was torture, College was hell. Both Dean and Castiel were exhausted, moody and tired. Planning a wedding around lectures, comparing time tables so they could meet as often as possible, while attempting to start and cultivate friendships, was not easy. Throwing general everyday life onto the mound made it even worse. So, when the Harvelle’s invited the couple over for Christmas, Castiel and Dean gratefully accepted.

The day before they left for the Harvelle house, they had celebrated Castiel’s nineteenth birthday by going out. It was a lovely evening as they found time to enjoy themselves. The food was delicious and the shared kisses in the car were sweet. The excitement built over the course of the evening. It seemed like an eternity since they had slept together. When they finally returned home and went upstairs into Castiel’s room, however, his roommate was waiting for him. Dean and Castiel were too polite to say anything, so spent just over two hours talking to him until he left. Unfortunately, they were too exhausted to do much more than sleep.

Christmas at the Harvelle’s was wonderful, and surprisingly relaxing. Charlie was also visiting, bringing along Dorothy. Ellen, Bobby, Dean and Castiel had gotten used to her over the months since she and Charlie got together, but Jo hadn’t met her. Charlie was nervous to introduce her soulmate to the girl she watched grow up, especially after she saw the poisonous glares the blonde was throwing Cas. Charlie didn't know how Jo would react to Dorothy. However, when the two finally met, it seemed that Dorothy’s honest and tough personality complimented Jo's perfectly, and the two became instant friends.

Another surprise was the announcement that Bobby and Ellen were officially dating. Of course everybody had expected it to happen sooner or later, and they suspected that the two had been dating for months anyway, but their relationship finally being official cheered everyone greatly.

“So how does that work, exactly? I mean, Bobby lost his wife, and you lost your husband. Was there another glow or…” Charlie had asked carefully during dinner.

Bobby and Ellen exchanged looks before Ellen decided to answer. “No. Every person has only one true soulmate, and there was no second glow. But, there was definitely a spark. We can't feel each other emotions or anything like you do with your soulmate, but just because we don't have the helpful magic we can still love each other.”

The subject soon changed to school and college, and everything but glowing hearts, when Jo suddenly announced that she didn’t want anyone to talk about it anymore. She also didn't want to hear anything about Castiel and Dean’s engagement, pouting silently for the rest of the meal like a petulant child until she was distracted by her gifts under the tree.

Since the drive to their dorms was long and it was getting late, Ellen insisted the couple stayed overnight. Both Dean and Cas were tired so they were grateful again for the guest room, which now had a king-size bed in the center of it.

“Do you think they...” Castiel began, staring at the bed.

Dean shrugged. “They shouldn't have given us a bed this big if they didn't want us to.”

“You have a point.” Castiel said, with a smirk. “So, am I your Mistress on Christmas then?” Castiel asked, a grin playing around his lips, when suddenly Dean pushed him against the door and pinned his arms above his head.

His lips found Castiel’s, who instantly opened his mouth with a long, quiet moan and allowed Dean to enter and claim his mouth with his tongue. His hips pinned Castiel’s and he could feel the erection press against his crotch through the unreasonable fabric barrier. Castiel’s dick slowly started to harden as Dean began to roll his hips, drawing circles against Castiel’s. Then Dean’s hands were gripping his ass, lifting Castiel so that he could wrap his legs around Dean’s hips, his arms around his neck, their lips never parting.

Dean carried his boyfriend to the bed, tossing him onto the mattress. Usually that wasn't Dean’s style, he was usually gentle and sweet, but Castiel had to admit that he liked that animalistic side of his fiancé. Two weeks had simply been too long, and the couple couldn't wait to let it all out, not caring if the walls were thin.

While Dean tossed his shirt carelessly to the floor and worked quickly to rid himself of his jeans, Castiel simply looked at him. Although high-school was over, and Dean was neither on the football or the wrestling team, he was still unbelievably well built, and Castiel loved to trace his fingertips over the muscles of his torso. Dean sighed at the gentle touch before bending down and unbuttoning Castiel’s shirt, kissing a trail down his lover’s neck and chest as the skin was exposed.

Dean’s hands were shaking in anticipation, and Castiel grew impatient, so once his shirt was off, he ripped his pants from his legs, dug his fingers into Dean’s back, and pulled him down into a passionate kiss. He nibbled at Dean’s full, lower lip, tracing it with his tongue. It still tasted like the pecan pie he had eaten half an hour ago, and Castiel had to chuckle.

“Mrs. Harvelle bakes amazing pie,” he said while Dean sucked at the flesh of his neck.

“Jo baked it,” he simply stated between two gentle nips, causing Cas to shiver and moan quietly.

“Speaking of which… why does Jo dislike me so much?”

“She doesn't dislike you,” Dean said, trying to keep his answers short.

“I got the feeling she did,” Castiel continued.

“Do you really want to talk about that? Right _Now_?”

“I would like to know. We _are_ about to have sex in their guest room…”

Dean sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Long story short, Jo’s had a crush on me since she was six,” he said, rolling off Castiel with another sigh.

Castiel lounged back, leaning on his arm and staring down at Dean with wide eyes.

“She’s twelve,” he said simply.

“I know.”

“You could have told me.”

“It wouldn't have changed anything.”

“Thank you for being the worst boyfriend ever,” Castiel groaned, covering his face with his hands as he let himself fall back onto the mattress.

“Fiancé.”

“You’re still proud of that, aren't you?”

“Yes, of course. Aren't you?”

“Yes, I am. I just hate how smug you are about it.”

Dean rose onto his elbow and grinned down at Castiel, leaning in for a kiss. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about it?” Castiel blinked. “Who are you and what did you do with my Dean?”

“So, I’m your Dean?”

“Of course you are. I love you and you know that.”

“Mhm, I do. So, do you?”

“Want to talk about it? No. I love you, you love me and we’re meant to be.”

“That was a rhyme,” Dean said playfully.

“I know… I am a true poet. Now, can we please stop talking and go back to where we were? I need you. Right now.”

Dean was more than happy to accommodate the demands coming from his boyfriend. He rose his body above Castiel’s until they were chest to chest, skin on skin, and began grinding his hips into Castiel’s, holding himself up with his arms either side of Castiel’s head. Castiel tugged Dean’s head back, and gently bit into the soft, sensitive flesh there.

“I want you... Now,” Dean growled hungrily, sending warm shivers down Castiel’s body. “But, we don’t have lube, or condoms.”

“I got my results two days ago. I’m clean. And I know you are, so let's forget about the condom,” Castiel whispered as he moved lower, closing his lips around one of Dean’s nipples. His tongue twirled around it as he sucked gently. It hardened between his lips and Dean groaned quietly. He hated that they had to keep quiet, especially since he loved the fact that Castiel was a screamer.

“Still no lube.”

“Check the bathroom.”

Dean quickly jumped up and Castiel stared after him. Dean had such a fine ass, and it completely belonged to Castiel, who was smirking like an idiot when Dean appeared in the doorway suddenly, ripping him out of his thoughts by waving a small tube in the air.

“Either Bobby and Ellen are far more active than I’m comfortable knowing, or they really wanted us to have sex,” Dean said, grinning as he positioned himself above his lover again.

“Either way I’m thankful to have it. Now take me.” Castiel commanded, as he turned and lifted his hips. He circled them over Dean’s erection, provoking delicious sounds from the back of Dean’s throat, turning Castiel on even more. He groaned when Dean moved away, but then he felt Dean’s tongue on the flesh around his hole, gently pushing into him he cried out his name.

“Shhh…” Dean hushed. “They could hear.”

“Th-th-then st-stop it!” Castiel said, only spurring Dean on to push his tongue even deeper than before.

Dean continued tormenting Castiel, knowing how shy his fiancé was, but knowing how much he enjoyed it, while he opened the lube and spread some over his fingers. He rubbed them against each other, warming the thick liquid before he removed his tongue. Castiel winced at the loss, but soon moaned again when Dean pushed two fingers into him at once. Dean didn't know how, but Castiel always seemed to be prepared for his fingers. Either because he used to do it to himself so often, or because he was built for it, neither of them knew, but it was something both of them were thankful for.

“Ready as ever,” Dean whispered, placing a soft kiss on Castiel’s ass cheek.

“For you, always,” Castiel breathed out in reply.

Dean could hear the smirk in Castiel’s voice before he crooked his fingers and hit his lover’s prostate. The smile was gone instantly, replaced by a sharp intake of breath and strangled moan. It was beautiful how responsive Castiel was to whatever Dean had to offer. They had done it so often over the past months that Dean knew exactly what Castiel liked or disliked, how he liked it the best, where to push and press, so he spread his fingers inside of Castiel and began circling them, pulling out and pushing in slowly with each rotation.

Castiel’s fingers dug into the sheets, and he hid his face in the pillow to dim the sweet sounds that were leaving his mouth.

“I wish I could hear you. I love those filthy sounds you make,” Dean whispered.

His voice was deep and husky and it was yet another thing he knew Castiel loved. Proof of that came when Castiel’s hips jerked back, meeting Dean’s fingers and his body shivered. Oh, so responsive. Usually Dean would have taken his time to prepare Castiel even more, torturing his lover with his fingers or his tongue for a while, sometimes pushing four fingers in while licking him as well, but not this time. Both of their cocks were already leaking, and both of them needed it too badly for any kind of extended foreplay.

Dean pulled his fingers out, and gripped the lube again. His hand closed around his erection as he rubbed the lube all over it carefully. He circled the tip of his head around Castiel’s entrance a few time before he pushed in, making them groan in unison. Dean remained still for a moment, enjoying the feel of Castiel. He rested his hands on either side of Castiel’s ass, giving it a gentle squeeze, before he finally began to thrust into him. First his movements were slow and deep as he bit on his lower lip to keep the moans inside. Sadly, Castiel didn't manage to do so, shuddering out Dean’s name, moaning it like a prayer. Dean tried to make it last, he really did, but Castiel simply made it impossible for him.

It was bad enough that Dean had his fiancé in front of him, on his knees, pushing his ass up so he could thrust into him more easily, but the sounds killed every last bit of Dean’s self-control. So the gentle, slow thrusts gradually became faster and harder. He pushed deeper and deeper, burying himself completely in Castiel until he was pounding into him. He could hear the sheets give in under Castiel’s fingers and, although his lover tried to bury his face in a pillow, Dean could hear the struggled moans, and the begging, coming from Castiel. He watched as Castiel’s back arched and the movements of his hips.

Dean bent over Castiel, his naked flesh rubbing against Castiel’s back as he pounded into him, his lips kissing between his fiancé’s shoulder blades. A deep growl formed in the back of his throat as his fingers began to dig into Castiel’s skin and he felt himself getting closer. But he didn't want to come alone; he wanted to hear Cas come first. He moved his right hand to Castiel’s thick, dripping erection, his fingers closing around it. Castiel lifted his head in surprise and that damn shudder almost made Dean come there and then. He jerked Castiel quickly, using the same rhythm as he was thrusting into him, his thumb circling over the head of Castiel’s cock.

It wasn't long until Castiel’s whole body tensed up, a strangled, high pitched moan left his mouth, and his cum spread all over the white sheets. He tightened around Dean in the moment of his climax, and it was that delicious tightness in combination with those porn worthy moans that caused Dean to fall over the edge, releasing himself into his boyfriend as he moaned Castiel’s name loudly. He rode him through the aftershocks, jerking Castiel gently, before he pulled out and collapsed next to him on the bed with a long, satisfied sigh.

“I hate that we barely have time for that anymore,” Castiel mumbled into the pillow.

“Mhm, me too. But I think that's gonna' change after College,” Dean replied yawning.

“You think?”

“Yeah, sure… When we’re moved in together, and there are no roommates to bother us or homework to do. No tests we have to study for or any surprises with the lectures. When it’s just you and me and our jobs.”

“Sound amazing to me. Merry Christmas, Dean,” Castiel said.

He planted a gentle kiss on Dean’s chest before resting his head on it, drifting off. Dean stroked his fingers through Castiel’s thick, dark hair, and listened to his breathing until it was even and he knew that Castiel was fast asleep. He kissed him on the forehead and closed his own eyes.

“Merry Christmas, my angel.”


	21. Breaking the Rules

A month later, and it was time to celebrate Dean’s birthday. Dean and Castiel had actually planned to go out for dinner alone, but family and friends had other plans for the two of them. Since they couldn't celebrate in their dorm, and neither Dean nor Castiel wanted to go back to the Harvelle’s house after the mess they made at Christmas, Charlie invited everybody over to her family house. Her father was out of town on a business trip, so they had the house to themselves, giving them time to plan a big party. Not only was it his nineteenth birthday, but it had also been exactly a year since he and Castiel had found out that they were meant for each other - so two reasons to celebrate.

Dean himself wasn't all that fond of the idea. Not only because he wasn't used to birthday parties and saw no point in celebrating them, but also because he was yet another year older and closer to responsibilities. He also didn't want the drama of New Year’s Eve to repeat itself. He and Sam had had a huge fight concerning Jess and, unfortunately, the two of them were coming to his birthday as well. It was not that he didn't like Jess. He liked Jess actually, which made the situation even worse for him. Dean was happy for his brother, really. The problem was he wasn't fond of how long lasting their relationship was already. Usually, telling Cas everything and having him holding Dean’s hand tight to keep him calm helped, but this time he drank a bit too much and it ended how it had to.

“What if she is not your soulmate, Sam? What are you going to do then? What will you do when she turns eighteen and your hearts don't glow for each other? Will you break up with her after six and a half years of a ‘perfect relationship’?” Dean had shouted, obviously drunk.

“No, of course not! I love Jess and I know that we are meant to be.”

“Oh, yeah, because every fourteen year old knows that! For fuck’s sake, Sammy, when I was fourteen I thought my Spanish teacher, Lisa Braeden, was my soulmate. Turns out it's actually Cas.”

Everybody was listening to the fight, everybody heard every single word and everybody heard that flinch of regret in Dean’s voice when he said the last words. Everybody saw the pain in Castiel’s eyes he tried to hide by staring at the ground, and everybody saw how Sam looked at Cas, feeling so sorry for his new friend and tutor, and the anger he felt for Dean in that moment.

“You sound like you regret that.”

“Well, of course I was sorry for myself when it first happened. Castiel wasn't exactly what I expected or wanted,” Dean shouted back and Cas could feel all the eyes resting on him. He hated it and he hated that burning in his eyes Deans words caused. “But we managed. We’re still together and we’re _happy_ , because we are meant to be, Sam! You can't change nature, and one day you might have to face the simple fact that the two of you are _not_ meant to be and that you wasted six years of your life on a relationship that’s going to end! You’ll get too attached and it will only hurt you to let go.”

“I wouldn't _want_ to let go! I want to be with Jess - hearts or not.”

“You do realize what would happen if you did that, Sammy?! Your social status wouldn’t be zero, it would be minus a hundred. The people hate rule breakers like you. Lawyer? Yeah, I don't think so. Not to mention that you would break your and Jess' heart _and_ the hearts of your soulmates. For once, Sammy, it’s not all about _you_ and what _you_ want!”

“For once not only about me? When has it _ever_ been about me, Dean? It was always about Dad, never about me,” Sam had shouted in response and stormed out upstairs into his room, followed by Jess.

Bobby and Ellen had taken Jo home, saying that Jo needed to get to bed. Of course Jo didn't, but they knew it was best not to linger too long. Charlie and Dorothy also left early saying that Dorothy’s father had returned from out of town, and she wanted him to officially meet her girlfriend. Which left Dean and Castiel. Alone. Castiel had taken Dean upstairs into Dena’s old bedroom, tugging him into the room. Dean had fallen asleep as soon as his body hit the bed, and his fiancé had simply left. Castiel had returned to his dorm and stayed awake the whole night, thinking about what Dean had said.

After Dean’s birthday, Castiel had ignored every one of his attempts to make contact. He ignored the calls and voice messages, the E-Mails and even his texts remained unanswered. For a whole week they didn't speak, and even when Dean came to visit Castiel was apparently never in his room.

Castiel had made sure that there was always somebody to contact him when Dean was on campus, so he could disappear through another door. He really didn't want to see him for a while, and the people that knew what had happened understood his pain and anger. The only person that seemed to be completely on Dean’s side, and possibly a little _too_ happy about their 'problem', was Jo.

The couple didn't see each other until the 10th of February, when Dean was sat on Castiel’s bed when he returned, surprising his fiancé. Castiel’s first emotion was anger towards his roommate, who really should have warned him. So the first thing he did was to dig his cell phone out of his pocket. He started to type, but apparently his roommate was faster than him, because he received a message almost immediately.

_‘He made a mistake, he is sorry...at least listen to him. XOXO’_

Castiel sighed and leaned against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest as he looked at Dean. He had to admit that his fiancé looked amazing. He was wearing a well-fitting black suit and the red silk tie Castiel had given to him for Christmas. His green eyes locked with Castiel’s and he didn't look away for a single second. He looked sincere and sad. Castiel forgave him immediately; he didn't even have to say anything, really. The problem was just that though. Castiel hated the fact that he forgave him so easily. He hated the fact that Dean merely had to look at him, with those gorgeous green eyes, and he would forgive him everything.  
  
But Dean didn't just sit there. He stood and walked towards Castiel, slowly so his fiancé had the chance to move away if he didn't want to be touched, and it broke Cas' heart how afraid Dean was of his reaction. Of course he felt sorry for what he said. Of course he was, despite everything he might say, afraid to lose Castiel, and of course he had to look so lost and in love with him in that moment.

Castiel expected Dean to kiss him, but he didn't. Instead he reached for Castiel’s hand and gently took it in his. The touch was so light, almost feathery, as he lifted their hands up and planted a kiss on the back of Castiel’s hand. That was something Castiel hadn't been prepared for, but Dean apparently wasn't done yet. He let go, walked to the stereo, and turned on some music. What came out of the speakers was not his usual AC/DC, nor Metallica or Blue Oyster Cult; instead, it was Carl Michael Ziehrer’s 'Love waltz'.

Castiel didn't even have the time to react to the lovely music when Dean was in front of him again, taking his hand and lifting it in the air while placing the other on his hip. Cas didn't know that Dean could dance, but he was amazing. Swirling around the room with Castiel like he was born to and all Castiel could do was blush and stare at him.  
  
“I know you always wanted to go dancing,” Dean began to explain, dancing around the small room with Castiel. “And I figured since we can't go out, I should bring the dance to you.”

Castiel felt the tear burn in his eyes as Dean spoke. He and Dean had to hide a lot, that was true. The people here were homophobic, and their relationship was the last thing they wanted to see. So going on real dates was complicated for the two of them and dancing had never been an option. There was a ballroom they could have gone to, but without a partner there was no entry and turning up as a gay couple was not an option either, so Castiel never had the chance to dance like he wanted to. Dean, however, knew how much it meant to his fiancé. He was doing this for Castiel.

“I am sorry,” Castiel sobbed quietly, as he leaned his head against Dean’s shoulder.

“You have no reason to be sorry, Cas. I said those stupid things without thinking, and I hurt not only your feelings but also Sam's. I basically ruined Christmas. The worst part is that I didn't even mean them, really. I love you and I am happy to be with you. There is no regret about that and I wouldn't want to exchange you for anything.”

As usual, they quickly made up, had sex, and Dean had stayed over. Thankfully, Castiel’s roommate didn't return so they could sleep in peace. Not that the guy minded, he really didn't care much about their relationship, but he didn't have to see them snuggled up and wrapped around each other, obviously naked beneath the sheets.

Eventually, they stood in Charlie’s big living room, staring at a huge banner  hanging above their heads. It had the colors of the rainbow and huge lettering that read ‘Happy Birthday, Dean’. Needless to say that Dean did not look amused, and Castiel opened his mouth in shock before bursting into laughter. Of _course_ Charlie would make a big deal out of the fact that Dean didn't only turn eighteen but also found out he was gay on this day a year ago. Everyone was laughing at Dean’s face, it was precious, and enjoyed the little joke. Everyone, except Dean. It was not that he minded being in a homosexual relationship or anything, but he didn't like making a big deal out of it, or the problems that came along with it.

So instead of staying there, staring at the colorful banner, they moved into the kitchen to eat. Dorothy and Charlie had prepared a wonderful dinner, and on top of that, thousands upon thousands of snacks. Everything from apple rings to Zours. Ellen and Jo had baked multiple pies, knowing that Dean loved all of them, and Sam had brought all of Dean’s cassettes along, playing his favorite music. They ate and enjoyed themselves, even Dean relaxed after a while, and having his arm around Castiel’s shoulders made it a lot easier to stay calm. They even got him to play some of the stupid party games, which ended in a lot of laughter, and some embarrassing pictures Castiel refused to delete.

Everything was going well, then Charlie cleared her throat as she stood up to announce something. Dorothy was standing next to her, arm wrapped around the redhead’s waist, giving her girlfriend a nod and a reassuring smile. It was obvious that whatever Charlie had to say wasn't easy for her, so everyone else sat or stood in silence and listened.

“So eh... guys,” Charlie began a bit shy. “As you might know, I took a year off instead of going directly into University to work and get some experience. Of course, I also wanted some time with my girlfriend and soulmate, who I couldn't be happier with! But in about half a year I will be turning twenty, and I realized that it is about time I started to face reality. So I applied to a couple of Colleges and what can I say... I got accepted!”

“Really?! That is amazing! Where did you get into?” Dean asked, grinning at her.

“S.I.T.” she replied, not looking into his eyes.

“SIT? As in the Singapore Institute of Technology?” Castiel asked, as he suddenly realized why Charlie was so sad.

“Yes... that one. And I will go there next fall. The point is Singapore is obviously a long way away and I... I’ll miss you guys. To be honest it was a hard decision, since I also have to leave Dorothy behind, but she encouraged me to follow my dreams and go. Which leaves you guys. What do you think?”

“My god, Charlie,” Dean breathed.

“That’s wonderful, hon! I think we all agree, and we all wish you the very best of luck, right?” Ellen said, looking around.

“Yes, of course.” said Castiel, still a little dazed. “You will obviously be missed, but who are we to stand between you and your dreams?”

“Thank you, guys,” Charlie said, her eyes watering. “This means a lot to me, and I mean… it's only a couple of years. I’ll come visit every summer, and maybe gay marriage will be legal by the time I get back, I can marry Dorothy like every other couple is allowed to.”

Dorothy looked up at her soulmate with tears in her eyes as well. She stood up to her tiptoes to kiss Charlie gently. It was unexpected and unusual to see the two of them showing affection in public. Usually they were both rather private, but it wasn't awkward at all. Actually, it was the moment Castiel realized that maybe having those glowing hearts, having the universe tell you what is right and what is wrong, made life an awful lot easier. Because you didn't have to think anymore, you were able to trust your feelings, and that was something other generations didn't have. It was a benefit he was thankful for, because he never had to ask himself whether he and Dean would stay together forever. He knew, and so did Charlie and Dorothy. They didn't have to be afraid of a long distance relationship, because they knew.

“Speaking of which,” Dorothy said after a while. “When are you two going to get hitched? You’ve been engaged for a while now.”

Dean and Castiel exchanged looks and shrugged.

“We decided to wait until after College. There is no rush and we want to plan everything through. Get our careers sorted out, and then worry about marriage.”

“Good plan,” Bobby voice. “Very wise, coming from you two. Take your time and don't rush it.”

“Are you trying to tell me something, old man?” Ellen laughed.

“No,” Bobby answered, but even Castiel could see the light blush under Bobby’s beard. Well, that was interesting.


	22. Sink the Pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually my notes are always at the end of the chapter but this time I really want to make sure everybody reads it :3 Sooo my dear fellas and readers and whatever there is a special event next week :D I've been posting two chapters every week but this week or actually this saturday I shall post THREE at a time :D  
> Yes yes yes three chapters all at once   
> Reason for that is the simple fact that the next chapters are all part of the wedding and I didn't want to split them up so enjoy this Tuesdays chapters and read you on saturday :P

“Oh, hell no! You are not, and I repeat not, gonna have a small wedding. You two shits have been planning for this for five goddamn years! I mean… come on, you’ve been engaged for almost six years now, and there is no way on earth I am gonna let you celebrate it alone. Half of Kansas has been waiting for this!” Charlie announced.

Dorothy was sitting next to her, holding her hand and nodding to every single word the red-head spoke. Even Bobby and Ellen, who were exchanging looks the whole time, nodded, giving the young couple their special 'we-told-you-so' couple face. It was still freaking Dean out that his basically-adoptive father and basically-adoptive mother were actually together... together, together... doing god knows what at night.

“Plus, Cas told me he would love to have a big wedding.”

Castiel’s eyes widened in shock as he shook his head, and tried to mouth a ‘shut-up’ to Charlie, which she chose to ignore. Castiel might be her best friend, but he was also a goddamn wallflower that would never ask Dean for anything that could bother him, which bothered Charlie. If he wanted a big wedding after being with that stupid princess face for years, then he should have the guts to ask him.

“Is that true?” Dean asked as he turned to face his now blushing fiancé.

“Well... I wouldn't mind,” Castiel mumbled in response, only to earn a slap on the back of his head.

Castiel made a quick squeak as Sam passed and slapped him, only to sit down next to Jess. The petite blonde smiled up at her boyfriend and gave him a quick kiss, before pulling his arm around her and cuddling up against him. They were cute together - even Dean had to admit that - which made the situation even worse. It was ten days before Christmas, which meant the younger couple only had one month and ten days left together. If it turned out that they were not soulmates.

“Tell him the truth, Cas. Don't be such a baby,” Sam said.

“I am not a baby,” Castiel protested.

“Yes you are. A big baby… in a trench coat.”

“Fine! Okay! Yes, I would enjoy a big wedding. It's not like I have any relatives to invite, but I do have friends, and Dean has even more and I would very much enjoy meeting people from his past. People I don't know. Maybe I could even hear a couple of good stories about him, what do I know? But yes, I would like to invite everybody we know, if possible.”

“Why didn't you tell me that?” Dean asked frowning.

“Because... I don't know. I thought you might not be ready to get married yet, and having some sort of grand party wouldn't be your style, so I sort of… kept quiet.”

“Damn it, Cas! That's not how people do relationships. How often do I have to tell you?” Dean asked, his voice more gentle than his words. “I _need_ you to tell me things like that. If you want a big wedding we will have a big wedding. That’s not something you should just give up.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Looking at Charlie and Dorothy over there I can tell that you already have your gay wedding planner team already figured out. And seeing that stupid, smug smile on Jess' and Sam’s faces I figured they have something planned too. Am I right?”

“Yes!” said everybody at the table, including Ellen and Bobby who nodded their agreement.

“Me and Jess took care of the guest list, Bobby and Ellen took care of the catering, and Charlie and Dorothy found the right church, decorations and pretty much everything else.”  
  
“You are crazy people.”

“Yeah, if you say so, big bro. All I know is that Bobby and Ellen got married for the second time before the two of you made it the first time, and that says something about you.”

“I am twenty-four, not thirty-four. Give me a break, man. I don't have to have my life figured out already.”

“Yeah, except Cas though, right?”

“Well yeah! I want to marry him. I was the one who asked him to marry me. I’m just...”

“Nervous,” Castiel finished for him. “Me too. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Dean gave him a shy smile, thankful yet again for how understanding and patient Castiel was with him. He was aware that being engaged for almost five years was a long time, but he still thought it was the right decision. Both of them had a job now, worked hard and enjoyed it too. Their finances were more or less stable - as stable as a young couple’s finances can be - and they figured everything else out as it came up. No dogs, but maybe cats. Small house, but with a big garden. No second car needed because Dean drives Castiel to the school where he works as a teacher, and picks him up afterwards.  
  
All these small things they talked about and worked on. They had the house, they had the garden, they had their driving routine, and even waking up was something they did every morning together the same way and still enjoyed. It was their little routine, and putting a big ass wedding into it freaked Dean out. After years of College for all of them, being free to do what they wanted was a nice change, and throwing that away for boring wedding planning didn't sound like much fun to Dean. And yet… he was prepared to do that for Castiel, if only he had said something. It was the only thing they never managed to change. Even after years together, Castiel was still shy and quiet, and never spoke up against anybody. Not even Dean.

“Now that that’s settled... what date do you have in mind?” Charlie asked.

Dean and Castiel were surprised to see that Charlie was now holding a huge folder in her hands, filled with a stack of paper. She had her glasses on and a pen in her hand. But what was most surprising of all was the fact that all of these seemed to come out of nowhere.

“Dean’s birthday,” Castiel spoke quietly, blushing at the thought.

“Dean’s... that's in a month and ten days! How do you expect to plan a wedding on such short notice?”

Castiel and Dean wanted to say something, but Charlie just shook her head and raised a hand to tell the two of them to keep quiet.

“I don't want to know. I'll call the church Cas and I picked out and ask if they have a space for that day. Sam you call everybody from Dean’s guest list, Dorothy you take care of Cas' list. Jess, if you could interrogate the two idiots about the color scheme and get details for the decorations I would be more than grateful. Bobby, you will have to go with them when they buy their suits, because I don't have a clue what’s good in men’s wear, and Ellen, you should contact the catering service and tell them what to deliver when and so on.”

Suddenly everybody nodded and stood up to leave, which left Castiel and Dean sitting alone at the table, stunned.

“Wow...they’re eager,” Dean said quietly.

“I guess... though, I have to admit that I’m looking forward to it... too,” Cas mumbled in reply.

Dean shook his head smiling to himself, before he cupped Castiel’s face and pulled him into a gentle kiss. For a moment Castiel didn't react, surprised by the sudden change of mind, but soon his arms were wrapped around Dean’s neck, his body leaning towards him. After all those years, the spark was still there. Actually, it was more of a raging fire than a simple spark. Castiel loved Dean; every little detail from his slightly bent nose to every single freckle on his perfect body. He loved him above all else in the world, and the fact that Dean loved him back was a strange miracle he was happy for.

“Me too,” Dean breathed against Cas' lips as they parted.

Dean didn't let go of Castiel. Instead he pulled him from the chair and on to his lap, Castiel’s back leaning against the table. Castiel wasn't as light as he used to be in high-school. In fact, he was almost as well build as Dean. Since their first months together Castiel had never stopped his excessive training, choosing instead to train with Dean. It was a nice activity for both of them, and the fact that their running session usually ended in their own little corner in the woods near their house, making out and occasionally more, was a memory Dean always smiled about.

“What are you smirking about,” Castiel asked, smirking himself.

Dean’s smile was the most infectious thing Castiel could think of. Although it would be nice to know what his fiancé was smirking about, or what was going on in that dirty mind of his, because _that_ was his dirty-sex-smirk.

“The woods,” Dean admitted, grinning even wider than before, earning a slap on the arm.

“Dean Winchester, you dirty-minded dick,” Castiel laughed. “I’m sitting on your lap… don't remind me of that, otherwise there are no guarantees!”

“Is that so?”

“Dean...”

“Fine, fine. I think I can hear Jess coming down again anyway. You chose a church already?”

“Well...It's ridiculous really, but I always dreamed about my wedding. I guess that’s why my parents knew that I was gay by the age of three. I actually wanted to wear a white dress and a tiara. Because it simply had to be,” Castiel explained, blushing and laughing shyly.

“You’re kidding me, right?” Dean laughed. “My god, I love you. You crazy little princess.”

Dean kissed him again, pulling Castiel as close as possible, laughing into the kiss. Dean knew Castiel from a to z, and Castiel was the person who knew Dean the best. Of course he didn't know everything; Dean wasn't a talker, and he liked to keep his little secrets, mainly so they wouldn't worry or upset Castiel. Yet, sometimes, stories like these were shared, little details from their past that wasn't anything to mention usually, but it happened, and those were the moments Dean enjoyed the most. He loved the fact that Castiel lived up to an awful lot of homosexual stereotypes, since he himself was the complete opposite.  
  
He loved that since he gave Castiel his makeover in high school he fell so much in love with fashion that he was the one picking outfits for Dean now. He loved that whenever something had to be redecorated, the first thing Castiel did was to take out neatly sorted folder after folder, with all kinds of colors and pictures of furniture so they could find stuff that matched. He loved that Castiel loved flowers in their kitchen and living room, loved the flowers in the garden Castiel cherished and took care of. He even loved the fact that his shampoo was always from the females section because he didn't believe in product division, and the smell of strawberries was far more pleasant than musk in his opinion. Yes, Castiel was possibly the gayest person he ever met, the gayest person in the whole of Kansas and that was exactly what Dean loved him for.

“So you two,” Jess said, clipboard in her hands and pen behind her ear. “Any ideas of the flowers you want to use? Or at least the color?”

“Rose,” Dean answered instantly.

“Eh... okay,” Jessica said surprised. “So roses.”

“No, not the flower. The color.”

“Why don't you just say pink?”

“Because, there’s a difference, believe me. Cas taught me so much about flowers and bee's I can tell the difference, and I know Cas prefers rose.”

“Oh wow... okay so rose flowers. You know which by any chance?”

“Carnation. Cas loves carnations.”

“I can't believe you know Castiel’s favorite flower. That’s so cute.”

“ _I_ can't believe he knows my favorite flower. I never told you, Dean. How did you know?”

Dean blushed and tried to brush it off, but Jess and Cas refused to let up until he finally gave in and answered.

“You have two square meters of every flower in the garden. The only flower you fill every free spot with, no matter where, is the carnation. Although the pink color doesn't ‘perfectly’ fit to the living room, it's the flower you chose most often to put on the little table or next to the TV, and you smile even more gently when you take care of them. And I swear by my name if you ever tell Sammy that I said any of this, or that I watch you while you do the gardening, I will deny it and kill both of you in your sleep.”

While Jess was utterly stunned and touched by Dean’s words, Castiel had actual tears in his eyes. Of course he blinked them away because he didn't like to cry, not even because of happiness, but he was touched nevertheless. He would love to share those things with somebody, tell them how sweet and caring and loving Dean was, but there was nobody to tell. Jess, Charlie, Dorothy and, of course, Sam, all knew what a wonderful man Dean was, and he hadn’t spoken to his brother since the phone call during the make-over at Dean’s house back in high school.  
  
Castiel realized that if he didn't call, neither would Balthazar, and that it was simply easier to forgive and forget... completely. Balthazar was his brother, yes, but he wasn't there anymore, and there was no sign of him coming back to Kansas. Why should he cry over the fact that his brother lived a happy life with his soulmate somewhere else? Especially since he was the happiest person alive himself, with Dean? No, he wouldn't bother his brother with things like that, but he _would_ invite him to the wedding. It was the one time he wanted to see his big brother again, more than anything else.

“This might even turn out easier than I expected,” Jess said with a happy smile. “So... which song?”


	23. Baby, please don't go (1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely reader as promised here is part one of the three part wedding special :D  
> Thanks to my beta reader who really had some shit to correct here :D
> 
> ((Sorry forgot the gifs and had to add them :D This is a special so especially a lot gifs!! :D )))

“I think I’m going to throw up,” Castiel admitted.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror. Twenty-four years old, stubble-faced, bright blue eyes and, all of a sudden, pale as a sheet. Even Charlie, who was standing right next to him, looked healthier than he did. It wasn't that he had second thoughts, no, he was more than certain that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Dean. It was the fact that already so much drama had happened, that he was afraid of the actual ceremony.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Charlie said, gently rubbing his back. “Everything will be fine.”

“But John he...”

“He's gone now. He was drunk, he said his part. Sam and Benny kicked him out. Everything will be fine, and anyway what is a wedding without a bit of drama?”

Castiel chuckled and felt a little better. Yes, John had ruined their morning by showing up before their wedding, shouting and screaming at the two of them. Telling them that they were faggots and disgusting. In all honesty, as much as Castiel disliked the man and shouldn't mind his opinion, it hurt. He loved Dean, his past along with him, but being rejected that much by his father was an experience he could have lived without.

“You’re a worthless piece of shit! My son is not a fucking fairy like you. Why are you doing this to him? You pathetic excuse for a man!” John shouted, stumbling towards Castiel. “He’s not like you! Stop pulling my son along in your sick game! People like you belong in prison, you faggot!”

“W-would you get Dean, here? I know its bad luck, but since there is no actual bride I figured...”

“Sure. I'll get him,” Charlie said, planting a quick kiss on Castiel’s cheek, before she disappeared through the door.

While Charlie made her way through the halls, passing and greeting all the guests, Jo snuck into Dean’s room. She wanted to talk to Dean in private one last time before the big event. In her hands she was holding a bouquet of pink and white flowers. She wasn't quite sure what exactly they were, but they smelled and looked really pretty and, since she was the flower girl, she cherished them. Sam was currently standing in front of Dean, pinning to his suit the same pink flower the whole church was decorated with.

“Come on, Dean. It's a wedding not a funeral. Smile a little.”

“As much as I love you Sammy, and you know I do, shut the hell up! I’m nervous enough, and then Dad has to show up and shout at Cas like that… He said all those horrible things to him. Like he is some kind of curse. My god, Sam! He’s my blessing. My cure!”

“Hold your horses, Romeo! Save the cheesy stuff for your vows later,” Sam returned and Dean actually smiled, relaxing a little.

Jo knocked to make herself known and Sam almost jumped away from Dean.

“Ah, hey, Jo. It's only you,” he said before he noticed the look on her face and nodded. “I'll leave you to it.”

Sam left, giving Dean a last brotherly slap on the back, and a polite nod towards Jo. The second he closed the door behind himself Jo relaxed and smelled the flowers she was still holding like a treasure.

“Thank you,” she said after a long silence.

“What for?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you really making me say it? Thank you for not breaking my heart. You know I was in love with you for as long as I can remember, and I know that you've put up with me being less than friendly towards Cas than I should have. So, not only thank you for that, but also for giving me this task. The least I can do to make it up to the both of you is help with the wedding.”

Dean laughed a little, not at her, but with her. “It was my pleasure. After all, you’re like my little sister, just like Charlie.”

Jo flinched at the words she hated most in the world. She was over Dean; at least, she had the feeling she was, but they reminded her of the time she wasn't. Of the time she adored him like her own personal super hero, and the time Castiel came along and somehow, in some way, took him away from her. As a child she used to believe that one day, when she was eighteen and Dean twenty-four, their age difference wouldn't matter anymore, and their hearts would glow for each other. But no, she had little more than two months left until her eighteenth birthday, and the 'love of her life' was getting married to his soulmate after almost six years of a dreamy relationship.

“I’m sorry it never turned out to be more,” Dean added after seeing the pain in her eyes.

“No, no! Don't be! My god, I’m actually grateful. You know, I'll be eighteen soon, so who knows? I might find my soulmate sooner than we think. The point is, I’m so happy for you and Castiel. You... you fit.”

Dean smiled gently, and was about to pull her into a hug when the door flew open and Charlie came in.

“Hey, Winchester! Not to interrupt or anything,” she said, raising an eyebrow at Jo. “But Cas is having a minor panic attack in his room, and he needs to see you.”

“I'll be on my way,” he said as he planted a quick kiss on Jo's forehead. Then he left to see Cas.  
  
He understood what Charlie meant when she said minor panic attack. Castiel was shaking, and looked more than just sick. Cas was pale and green at the same time. The only life he seemed to have left was the intense blue of his eyes. All of that changed the second he saw Dean stand behind him in the mirror. He turned. It almost made Dean’s heart stop to see how the pale disappeared, replaced by Cas' blush, and how his body instantly relaxed. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“Hey, handsome. Looking good,” Dean said, and the smile Castiel gave him caused his heart to melt in his chest.  


“Oh, now I feel so much better. Thank you for coming, Dean.”

“Hey, no problem. It's the least I can do after Dad's show,” Dean began. “I am so sorry about what he said. I don't know how he found out about our wedding. I didn't invite him.”

Castiel came closer and placed his hand on Dean’s cheek, caressing it gently. “It's okay. I’m not mad. Sure, it was a bit nerve wracking but I have you, which means I’m happy. And of course he found out… we’re the first gay couple to legally get married in Kansas. I can't believe they actually made it legal. On the other hand, they can't say anything against our biology. Soulmates are soulmates, and you are mine.”

“See you at the altar then.”

“See you.”  
  


They didn't kiss, both of them knew they wanted to wait until the grand kiss in front of everyone. But that didn't mean that Dean couldn't plan a quick, sweet kiss on Castiel’s forehead before he left. They had ten minutes left until the ceremony, and everyone was there already. Meg and Sam standing at the front, as Best Man and Maid of Honor. Jo and Charlie too, in their beautiful rose dresses. The hall, as tiny as it was, was filled, and Castiel’s heart was beating faster and faster until the moment he was finally holding Deans hands with his, saying their vows.

“Will you, Dean Winchester, take Castiel Novak to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort and keep him, and forsaking all others remain true to him as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

“Will you, Castiel Novak, take Dean Winchester to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort and keep him, and forsaking all others remain true to him as long as you both shall live?”

 “I do.”

“Repeat after me then…”

Dean and Castiel turned to face each other and repeated after the minister, meaning every word.

“I, Dean Winchester, take you, Castiel Novak,”

“I, Castiel Novak, take you, Dean Winchester,”

“To be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part.”

The Minister raised his hands to the congregation and blessed the rings in the name of God. Dean reached for the white gold ring that would seal him to Castiel, legally, forever. His hand was shaking, so was Castiel’s, but he managed to get the ring onto his finger and smiled up at him. “I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage, and with it, I join my life to yours.”

Castiel’s hand and voice shook as he repeated the words. The Minister smiled down at them both.

“You may kiss.”

And so they did. Dean reached for Castiel’s face and pulled him into a gentle, loving, lasting kiss. The whole crowd stood up, cheering and clapping, and crying in joy and delight. Benny was staring at the sight, smiling before he tried his best to stop the tears from coming. Jo looked up at her mother, holding Bobby's hand, as she did her best to suppress the coming tears. Charlie was smiling like the sunshine, and Dorothy gave the couple a little wave and a bright smile too. All in all, it was the best moment of the couple’s lives.  
  
  


Since there was no throwing of a bouquet or rice, everybody, including the newlyweds, left for the big hall, where food and music were waiting. The decorations were magnificent. The same flowers - rose carnations - were used for everything. The big wedding cake, the cards and the table were decorated like the church. Modern, and everything in white and rose. Even Castiel and Dean were left stunned at the beautiful room.  
  


“Oh my god. Jess. We have to thank her. This is beautiful.”

“We'll do that after. Right now it's time for our speeches.”

“Oh my... I’m so nervous. I mean, what if I mess it up? What if the people don't like my speech or I forget the words?”

Dean chuckled. “Cas, you gave two graduation speeches and everybody cheered like we won the world cup or somethin'. Everything will be perfectly fine, and if you want to, I can start?”

“You would do that for me? I know you’re not big on words, Dean.”

“I know, but I’ve had enough time to think and re-think my speech. Write and re-write, and learn them off by heart. So sit down and let me go first.”  
  
Castiel smiled and kissed Dean gently before he did as he was told, and Dean stepped to the front of the little stage to give his speech.

“Hello everyone,” he began, obviously still a little nervous. “Everybody who knows me knows that I’m no good with words, and speeches longer than two sentences used to make me nervous, but I'll still give this one a go, because some things can't remain unsaid.”

Dean took a deep breath and a sip from the glass he was holding before he began to speak again.

“Many of you know our story - Castiel’s and mine - Lived it with the two of us, actually. You know what I did to Cas, at least some of the things, but none of you really know why, I guess. Gabriel, Michael and Raphael are sitting right there. Those three were my best friends at the time, and helped me torment the man I now _proudly_ call my husband. Two of them are now happily married themselves, Michael’s even expecting a child, and all of us have aged and especially matured since the 'good old days'.

“As it is, I turned out to be gay too. They knew about that, and still they never said a word. I was their friend, and the fact that I was suddenly with a man didn't bother them, and that was when I realized… all these years, what I did to Castiel, was fully and completely my choice. They didn't tell me to, they didn't even dislike Cas, but for some reason, I did, and they simply followed me. It was the first time I had to be a leader in my life, and I screwed that up big time. I am not a leader... I am a soldier. I don't give orders, what I learned from my father is to obey them.

“Since my mother died when I was four and a half years old, may she rest in peace, a lot of things have changed in my life. The biggest change was my Dad. The loving man I once knew, the loving man that once used to raise me, was gone. He didn't leave, not physically at least, but I knew that his mind was always somewhere else. I was the one to take care of Sammy - don't get me wrong, I love him more than anything – he’s my little brother, my little pain in the ass, but for a little kid, taking care of a baby isn't an easy task.

“Yet, somehow, I managed. Somehow, I got him to be the amazing man he is today. Clever, brave, honest and, above all, determined. He is all those things I never was. Because when I was seven, all I ever wanted was to be a ballerina. It was my biggest wish to wear these pink shoes and a tutu and dance in front of people. So I took all my money and bought them. Those tiny, pink ballet shoes. But when Dad came home and saw them I panicked. He shouted at me and told me these were for girls. He beat me up and told me he would do so until I was the man he wanted me to be. The man I had to be.

“I hid them, in the darkest corner of my closet and as ironic as that is, I hid there too. I swore to myself that I would never, ever do anything feminine again, that I would hide that side of me away, and be what my father wanted me to be. It was harder than I thought. Things would happen, and I would get beaten, hearing the same speech about those 'damn faggots' every single time. Because I had to use that nail polish, I had to feel the lipstick on my lips and I had to learn how to cook and bake - and I’m not only talking about basic noodles here, but about fancy, glitter cupcakes – those small things that got me the beating of the year.

“Dad soon realized that it wasn't working as well as he wanted it to. So he taught me carving, karate, kickboxing, fist fighting, shooting, knife throwing, and hunting. For somebody who loved Bambi as a child, killing one was the worst experience of my life, but it had its effect. I never wanted to do it again, so I began to bend. I began to be 'straight' for my Dad.

“I hooked up with girls - a lot of them – and I’m only saying that because I know Castiel doesn't mind. He knows most of my life anyway, and he lives with it, even loves it. I did it to convince myself that I was as straight as possible. That was, until I got into high-school and met Castiel. He was, and I am quoting here, 'as gay as a rainbow', and everything I never was. Just like Sam, he had to bravely stand up for himself when I didn't, and I hated him for it. At least, I thought I did, but I actually hated myself for it, and my poor angel had to pay the price for my self-loathing.

“I still hate myself for it. Not for being gay, not for being different and not for wanting to dance ballet. No, what I hate myself for is stealing Cas away. I don't deserve him and I know I never will. I treated him like a piece of shit when he was actually the biggest treasure on this planet. And the craziest part is that he forgave me, and more. He loved me and he gave me the courage I lacked for all those years. He gave me the courage to ask him to marry me, and the courage to stand here and give this speech.

“The thing is, looking down at the ring on my finger that will be there for the rest of my life, I know that as long as I have Castiel, I am finally and truly happy. I can finally be myself, and feel loved like I never have before. This is a story I never shared in my life, not even with Cas. But a few years ago he called me a homophobe. Then he was surprised that I dated him, and I promised I would explain it. I never did, but I decided that today was the right day to do it. Because Castiel deserves to know everything about me and he is the first person in my life I want to know everything.”

Dean turned around to face Castiel. He was crying, his whole face red and puffy. He had his hands clasped over his nose and mouth, sobbing and, although Dean couldn't see much of his face, he knew that it was everything, from happiness and joy, to pain and pity, that made his beloved husband cry. But he wasn't done with his speech and the last part was the most important so he had to make it through that before he could hug him. Dean walked towards the table and reached for a tiny box under it. He opened it, with shaking hands, and got out the pair of pink shoes he once bought.

“A week ago I drove back to my father’s house and snuck in as he was passed out drunk on the couch. I found them in the same corner I hid them all those years ago. It's been almost two decades and I am still not completely free of the fear I felt back then. My hands are still shaking when I see these now. But Castiel took away the worst pain, and with every touch and kiss we share he’s replacing it too. Replacing it with all this love he has to give and I don't deserve,” Dean paused, tears now streaming down his own cheeks too.

“I love you, Castiel. I love you so much I don't even know how to put it into words. You are the one and only love I ever had and ever will have. You are the love of my life and I couldn't be more thankful for those damn glowing hearts. Those stupid lights in our chests that showed me the way like Rudolph's nose. I love you so much and I can't believe - _still_ can't believe - even while I’m standing here, that you love me too. I can't promise that I will be perfect, and I can't promise that I will never say a harsh word, but believe me when I say that no matter what happens, I will always love you.

“These shoes are a symbol for that. I thought about burning them, back then. But something in me told me not to, and I am thankful I listened to that small voice in my head. Because from today, these will be a symbol. One day, and I hope it will be soon, we will have our own family. Maybe we'll find a surrogate, or maybe we will adopt, but we will be a proper family one day. I know you always wanted kids, and thanks to you I am not afraid of being a bad father any more. So one day, no matter if it’s a boy or girl, I will give these to our kid and let them live their life - no matter their sexuality – and let them experience things the way they want to. Because you, Castiel Novak, my angel, showed me the right way and I want to pass on that love. From now on... forever.”


	24. Baby, please don't go (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also I've finished the fic meaning you don't have to worry that I'll stop posting at some point :3
> 
> (same here sorry for forgetting the visual material XD)

By the end of Dean’s speech, there was almost nobody in the room who wasn't crying. Even Balthazar, who was standing in the corner in the back, hiding to surprise his brother, had wet eyes. But no one, not a single person, was more touched than Castiel. He was sobbing and crying, and it was simply impossible for him to remain seated. So he jumped up, walked around the table and threw himself into Dean’s arms. Of course Dean caught him, he always did. Cas hugged him tightly, kissed him and wiped away those tears he knew Dean hated to show. He didn't care about his own but he wanted to shield Dean. His beautiful, sad, vulnerable Dean.

 

Castiel wasn't in the right state to give a speech in that moment, and everybody seemed to accept that. He simply took Dean’s hand and they sat down together again, giving each other comfort and not letting go of the other’s hand. Instead, Sam stood up, and walked towards the microphone to give his speech. It was obvious that he was touched as well, and the younger Winchester had to clear his throat multiple times until he finally managed to smile and speak.

“Well... I feel a little stupid now because, compared to my brother’s speech, I can only suck,” he said and the people laughed. “But as my brother said already, I'll give it a go anyway.”

It was obvious that he was searching for words. Sam hadn't prepared a speech. Not because he was too lazy, but because speeches should come from the heart, and they should be something spontaneous. Now, however, he was shocked by the story Dean had told. Never had he heard something about that, and he felt terrible for not noticing. How was Dean able to hide something like that from him for eighteen years? He knew that sometimes their father would get violent with Dean, but not to that extend. And he was never violent with Sam.

“To be honest, I’m struggling with the right words right now. The story Dean just told you is something I've never heard myself. It’s a shock to realize that the two people closest to you had a very different life than what you saw. Dean always said that I was the smart brother, that I was the little genius with a future, but right now I feel stupid. I always thought that I was the person that knew Dean the best. He’s my big brother and for years he was my idol, my personal hero. He shielded me, saved me from everything I didn't even know about.

“I’ve looked up to him for as long as I can remember, so obviously I knew that he was homosexual. I mean it wasn't obvious at first, but I had my ideas and when he got into high-school I was more than certain. Castiel’s and Dean’s story starts before their senior year. No, their story goes far back to Freshman year when Dean came home, two weeks into the year, green eyes narrowed and lips in a hard line. He looked so angry, even towards me. It was something I wasn't used to, and I didn't understand until he mentioned Castiel.

I don't think that Dean remembers this story the way I do, because I am quite sure that he tried to look angry and disgusted. But when he started to speak about this boy, this stupid gay boy, his whole face lit up. He blushed. His eyes were narrowed, but they had this spark I’d never seen before. I mean, his whole body just relaxed, when he was usually so tense. And in that moment I knew he loved him. I knew it before he did, and it's one of the few things in life I am proud of, because  _damn_  I called it.”

Again the crowd laughed, knowing that Sam was usually far more eloquent. Nevertheless, everybody was quiet, with gentle smiles on their faces.

“The first two times I met Castiel were pretty short, and I didn't have much time to get to know him because I had to stare at my brother. They had to do this school project together, and God, I still thank Bobby every day for what he did, because I’m sure he knew too.”

Everybody looks at Bobby and the man simply nods, causing Ellen to nod and laugh as well. Of course they both knew. They practically raised those boys. They knew it better than Dean did, and knew it better than their glowing hearts, and that was what Dean loved them for.

“As cheesy as this might sound, Dean’s smile was radiant, his aura seemed to be glowing and he looked happier and more relaxed than I had seen him in my whole life. But it wasn't until the day I saw that wing necklace around Castiel’s neck that I realized how much Dean really cared. That necklace belonged to our mother. She gave it to Dean when he was three, telling him that angels were watching over him, and those wings should remind him of that. I wasn't born yet, but Dean told me that story over and over again. He loved our mother and he loved that necklace. Not a day passed that he didn't wear it, the same for the amulet I once gave him for Christmas. So when I saw him put the necklace into the pocket of a pair of jeans he hadn't worn in years because they were too small, I didn't understand, until I saw it around Castiel’s neck, and the way Dean looked at it. Not at the necklace anymore, but rather the necklace around Cas' neck.

“So when I came home one day and those two were getting cozy on the couch, I took my time opening the door loudly, to give them time. I knew that Cas was a good guy, if he deserved Dean he had to be, so I didn't want to freak him out. I went upstairs and laughed, because they actually thought they fooled me, but that’s a different story. After that, Castiel helped me with my homework - not that I actually needed help with it - but it was my own little test. He was patient and kind, clever, and this huge amount of shy I could tell Dean enjoyed, and I knew that those two would work. I didn't know how, or when, but I knew they would, and seeing that I stand here today I was right.

“Cas, you’re the best thing that ever happened to my brother. Not only because you make him smile again, be happy, and relaxed, but also because you kick his ass when it’s needed, in the most gentle way possible, of course. You’re never harsh or mean, not even after what he did to you, and yet you teach him all these things dad never did and mom never had the chance to. I am no longer the person who knows Dean the best in the world, it's you and I couldn't have chosen a better successor myself. Cheers to you two.”

The crowd was clapping and smiling brightly when it was announced that the party could now began, and the food and dancing started. In the background the song 'Love Song' by AC/DC was playing. It was something special. Usually, rock was not really a wedding music, so Dean simply had to laugh, and hug Castiel because of his choice. He knew that Cas wasn't that much into his music, and yet… there is way. Playing just for them. But what really surprised him was the fact that suddenly the words 'Oh Jean' seemed to be sung 'Oh Dean'.

“Cas...”

“Yes, he said 'Dean' and not 'Jean',” he said with a wide grin.

“You're kidding me right? How did you do that?”

“I played around with audio editing and changing one letter – it wasn't that hard after all, and I mean, this is our song. This is the first song -”

“We listened to... I remember it was when you got into my car for the first time and you couldn't stand the music, because it was so loud and I made fun of it.”

“Yes,” Castiel laughed. “And I made fun of you. I simply couldn't resist that.”

“Castiel Winchester,” Dean said, pride and joy obvious in his voice. “You are the cheesiest person I've ever met, and I love you.”

“You better, we'll be married for a long time, you know,” he said with a chuckle, and they kissed.

They danced afterwards with all the other couples. Amongst them, Sam and Jess looked happy as ever. It was her birthday too, but since she was born late at night they had a couple of hours left until they would find out. Those two had been together so long, much longer than Dean and Cas, and at this point Dean wished them all the luck in the world. He wanted them to be soulmates, and he wanted them to be happy. But in this moment, he simply wanted to hold his Castiel and dance with him.

Later on, they talked to Balthazar, who congratulated them and introduced Bela. She was beautiful, Dean had to admit, but clearly not his type. She had this aggressive, dominant aura he really couldn't stand, and somehow she managed to be snooty and condescending at the same time, without saying a single word. But Cas didn't mind, because his big brother was there and he was happy for him, they hugged and talked, and everything was fine. Until, of course, a delicate brunette snuck into the party room, and their personal hell broke loose.  
  


Sam was the first one to spot the girl, and his heart instantly began to glow. Her eyes wandered from his chest to his eyes. She realized that her heart was glowing too, and turned, running away. Because she was holding a paper bag in her hand, Castiel and the Winchester brothers had nothing more to do than follow the sound. The girl disappeared into a woman’s dressing room and, for a moment, they didn't want to go in. It was private, and maybe she really wanted to change. But the girl didn't come out for ten minutes, so Dean and Cas sent Sam away to talk to Jess while they stayed to interrogate the girl. Neither of them knew her so they wanted to know why she was there.

They knocked and then went in without waiting for a reply. The girl was lying on a couch. Her black leather jacket was lying on the floor, and she was now wearing a pink dress and the loose, dark brown curls were now in a neat, fancy bun. The contrast between her light skin, the dark eyes and hair, and the intense dress was stunning, and neither of the young men spoke for a moment.

“You are Dean and Castiel, right?” she asked.

“Yes... the Grooms. Who are you, if we may ask?” Castiel was the first one to find his words.

“My name is Ruby. Ruby Masters. Meg is my sister, and I guess I was her +1.”

“Why did you run away from us?” Dean now asked, his words harsher than Castiel.

“Isn't that obvious?” the girl snapped. “I come in late to a wedding of two men I don't know, not wearing my dress, only to see a guy dancing with his girlfriend before my freakin' heart starts glowing like hell. What was I supposed to do? Go up there and introduce myself? Yeah, hey, hello, my name is Ruby, and I am the one to ruin your relationship forever. Nice to meet you, too!”  
  


Dean blanched. “Shit... Sam!”

“I think you should go and see how he’d doing, Dean,” Castiel said. “I mean after what? Six years?”

“Yeah I'll... I'll go see my brother.”

Castiel stayed behind with the girl, whose name was apparently Ruby, while Dean tried to find his younger brother. That was exactly what he was afraid of, exactly what he didn't want to happen. He and Jess loved each other so much at this point, but they were not meant to be. Dean didn't know what to say or do, and he didn't know what his brother would do. All he knew was that Sam was going to be devastated, as he found him talking to Jess.

“Baby, please, don't go,” he begged, holding the blonde’s hand.

“Sam, please don't make it harder for me. I’m not meant to be with you. It's her, and I am not going to stand in the way of happiness.”

“ _You_  make me happy! Jess, please.”

“I know but...I have to let go.  _We_  have to let go. Dean called it years ago, and he was right. We’re too attached now, and if we make this longer than it needs to be it will only hurt more. Please, just let me go.”  
  


Dean slowly stepped into the room and Jessica looked up at him, eyes swollen and teary, but she didn't cry. The young woman gave him a weak smile and nodded. All these years he was right and, for the first time in his life, he wished he wasn't right about something. But what happened, happened, so he helped Jess by resting a hand on Sam’s shoulder, causing the younger Winchester to let go of Jess. Without another word she was gone, and six years of love and commitment were gone with her.

“I don't even know her!” Sam shouted, suddenly angry.

“I know, man. But you should give her a chance. I mean, accidents don't happen accidentally.”

“Give her a chance? I don't even know her freaking name, Dean.”

“It's Ruby. My name is Ruby,” the younger Masters said as she walked into the room, taking the brothers by surprise.

Castiel was standing behind her, guiding her into the room. He decided that it was the best to let the younger ones handle their little situation themselves, rather than him and Dean interrupting them, or trying to help and end up making it worse. So he took Sean by the hand and lead him out of the room to give Sam and Ruby a moment to talk. After all, they were soulmates.

“Ruby, huh,” Sam said, suddenly calmer and far more gentle than before. “Beautiful gemstone... beautiful girl.”


	25. Baby, please don't go (3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last but not least part three :D  
> This chapter is 99,9% Ruby and Sam so if you don't want that skip but I really owed them a chapter and you would miss a lot of fluff if you skipped it :D
> 
> (and again more gifs :D )

Ruby walked closer, closing the distance between them. She knew that she was standing too close, she knew that feeling his warm breath against her cheeks and his body temperature radiating around him had to mean that she was too close, but she couldn't move away. She told herself to move, to go, to run, but her heart seemed to be stronger than her mind was. So Ruby stood there, inches away from him. _Him_. Who was _he,_ anyway? All she knew was that he had to be around 6'4, because he was a lot taller than she was, even in heels, and in all honesty in this moment she didn't like it. Thankfully, they were at the back of the stage, so there was an elevation she stood on to be almost the same height. And by ‘almost’ she actually meant around three inches shorter.  
  


“Thank you,” she breathed her eyes meeting his. “For the compliment. And for not throwing me out. I hate crashing weddings. So I guess... Thank you for everything.”

“I-It's okay,” Sam answered quietly.

Neither of them knew what to say and neither of them wanted to say anything. They just stared into each other’s eyes for a long time, and then their gazes wandered lower to their lips. Something was there, something neither of them could deny. The glowing was strictly ignored by both of them, although the effects of it hit the couple hard. It was different than what Dean and Castiel had. Those two loved each other deeply. But they also knew each other. Ruby and Sam, on the other hand, had just met, so of course they didn't love each other, but the lust was there.

“So uh... your name is Sam?”

“Mhm,” he said his eyes finding hers again. “Sam Winchester.”

“How old are you?”

“Turned eighteen on the second of May 2019. You?”

“Nineteen on the eight of January this year. You're younger than me.”

“You don't look like it.”

“Neither do you.”

For a moment both were silent again. There were a lot of things they both wanted to say. Ruby wanted to say sorry, wanted to say that she didn't mean to separate them, but what would it help? That blonde girl he danced with was gone, and they were more than obviously meant to be. Sam on the other hand had to fight a couple of inner battles. There was the rage towards her, contradicting the attraction he felt. There was the sadness over his loss, contradicting the lust growing inside of him. Everything was so intense, and he simply didn't know how to handle it.

“Okay, sorry but what are we going to do about this? Because if I stand here for one more second staring at your lips without you reacting I am going to freak out.”

Before she could stop herself, Ruby pushed closer and her lips met his. He tasted of champagne and cake. His lips were so unbelievable soft and, because they were thinner than hers, Ruby could perfectly catch them between her full lips. For a moment he didn't react, but then his mouth finally opened and he buried his long fingers in her hair. Whether she did it because it was more comfortable, but Ruby was glad that she had loosened her bun again before she came into the room, because now he could really grab it. Now he could tug her head back, and open his lips to close them around hers, to taste her, to consume her, and Ruby was lost.  
  


Suddenly she didn't taste the champagne anymore or the cake or anything like that. Instead there was this need, and the taste of letting go after years of holding back, and it felt incredible. Ruby was never the one for hiding anything. She saw no use in waiting for somebody to sweep her off her feet when she could easily have fun without a person she didn't even know. The brunette knew exactly what she wanted and needed, and feeling what Sam now felt topped all her expectations. Not because he was an especially good kisser, but rather because she felt that, after years without knowing, he was finally finding out what he wanted and needed, and that something was her.

“So uh,” she started breathlessly. “Nice to meet you. Sam.”

“Nice to meet you too, Ruby.”

“We should maybe get to know each other now that we’re... you know, sort of meant to spend the rest of our miserable lives together?”

“Oh wow, you sure are an optimist,” Sam said, giving her a bitter laugh.

“I prefer realist, honey,” she answered with a sarcastic smirk. “So... what do you do? As in, what do you study?”

“How do you know I study?”

“You look like it. Your body doesn’t exactly scream 'hard physical work' or even 'exercise', and since you’re barely out of high-school and can't have a well enough paid job, I just assume you study. So?”

“I don't know how to feel about that assessment to be honest. I’m as impressed by your wits as I am insulted by the way you describe my body.”

“Nothing a good work out from time to time couldn't change,” she said with a wide grin on her full lips, and the following giggle somehow made Sam's heart skip a beat in his chest and smile as well.

“I guess, smart ass.”

“A true poet.”

“Sadly, I don't study that. Should have thought twice about it. No I uh... I study law.”

“Wow, that is impressive. Nice. So, at least we’re both ambitious.”

“And you study what, exactly?”

“Politics and management,” Ruby announced proudly.

“I see. Sounds like quite a goal. I wish you all the luck in the world.”

Ruby looked Sam up and down for a moment, raising an eyebrow. He was very different from what she expected of her soulmate. Usually, she always found herself some kind of jerk or tough guy who had maybe two functioning brain cells at the most, but was amazing in bed. She would break up with them when she got tired of the same guy, and find herself yet another brainless ape. Meeting Sam made her rethink a couple of things that happened in her past.

“So, you’re not one of these men that want a housewife that says 'yes' and 'amen' to everything while you’re the man in the house earning the money, are you?”

“What? No! I personally don't believe in God or anything, because of the amen I mean, but whatever floats your boat, and to the other thing a big hell no. In all honesty, and I’m man enough to admit that, I like a bit of dominance in a women. Strong women are sexy in their own way, and they don't need the attention and recognition other women do. And I mean, what bad can it do to have two incomes these days?” he said with a smirk.

“Sam, not to get too personal, but I think you might possibly be the best thing that happened to me for months; years even. You're cool.”

Sam laughed, trying to play it cool, but although Ruby's comment was clearly at least half joking, his cheeks began to heat up.

“Thank you. Although we can't really get ‘too personal’ since we’re sort of soulmates, right?”

“Okay then... tell me about her.”

“What?”

“Tell me about the blonde.”

“What? Why? Jealous?”

“No, not at all. I don't know you well enough to be jealous of her. The thing is, she’s your past. And quite possibly still a bit of your present. And I can tell that you’re worked up about the break up. I saw you dancing. You looked happy, and in love. So I want to know how much of a relationship I fucked up.”

“Oh, no. Please don't think like that. I mean it's not like you chose that.”

“Sam, no offense but shut up, stop being a gentleman and tell me the whole story.”

“Well um... Jess and I met when I was twelve and she was still eleven. Our relationship started one month after we met, although obviously it didn't turn into a real relationship really until I turned fourteen. That was when she gave me my first kiss, and I guess we've been together ever since.”

“Over six years? Almost seven...”

“Yeah...I mean she was everything I wanted, I guess. She was gentle and funny and sweet, and so loving and caring. That she wanted to become a nurse didn't surprise me at all. With her grades, she could have been a doctor, but she said that being a nurse was a more honest job, and this way she would really work with the patients, rather than with clipboards. I fully supported her in her wishes.”

“She sounds wonderful. I’m really sorry I tore that apart,” Ruby apologized quietly.

“In all honesty, me too. But it's really not your fault, and there’s no reason to work yourself up over it. I mean, it's not like she stayed so we could work things out somehow. I swore to myself I would be with her even if we weren’t... you know… 'mean to be', because I never liked the thought of being forced into something with a stranger. But she ran from the consequences of wanting to be with someone you aren't meant to be with, so really it's her fault. I love her and I miss her already, but I can't change my fate.”

“I will do my best to replace her.”

“No,” Sam almost shouted, before he took a couple of calming breaths. “No, don't do that. Listen, I don't know you, and I would lie if I said I loved you, because I’ve never seen you before in my life. But I am most certainly attracted to you. There’s no point in lying, because you’re smart and I know you know that, and I really believe that I can fall in love with you. Not because of the glowing hearts, but because you are person worth being in love with. My relationship with Jess was wonderful, it really was, but it wasn't perfect either, and while I think that ours won't be either, I still believe you can be a lot of things that Jess never could, because she was her and you are you. I loved her, so I never asked her to change for me, I never expected that from her, but you might be all these things she never could have been for me. Otherwise we wouldn't be meant for each other, right?”

“Okay, I see why you want to be a lawyer. You are real good with words and convincing people,” Ruby joked, and Sam laughed. “Thank you. I needed that pep talk.”

“Glad I could provide. Anyway, how about a dance? I mean, I am at my big brother’s wedding. I should at least show myself.”

“You have a point, but I can't dance.”

“You can't... not a problem. Come on,” Sam said, and, before Ruby could even think about protesting, Sam took her hand and pulled her along into the big hall again.

Most of the people were still sitting at their tables, talking and eating. Sam glanced around the room and found Ellen and Bobby on the dance floor. They simply swayed to the music while being in each other’s arms. They were even out of sync with the music, but that didn't matter because they looked happy as ever. Charlie was holding Dorothy's hand as they talked to Jo and Meg sitting opposite them. She raised it to her lips and kissed it gently, and Sam felt a sting to his heart. For one, because he had just lost something like that, but on the other hand he was holding Ruby's hand, his soulmate’s hand, and he would never have to fear being left again. He spotted Bela and Balthazar dancing too. They weren't as close as Bobby and Ellen were, but one could still see that they loved each other in their own, snobby ways.

Last but not least, he found Castiel and Dean. He could see that Dean was worked up about something, that he looked tired all of a sudden, and exhausted while Cas looked a bit lost and sorry for his husband. Dean was babbling on about something, and Sam guessed that it was his new little problem with Jess. After all, it has been something he had been warning Sam about for years. But then suddenly, Castiel took his hand and caressed Dean’s cheek with his free one, and Dean simply melted. He didn't just relax into the touch, he melted into it, closing his eyes with a sigh and leaning into Castiel’s hand. Sam smiled gently. If those two managed to get that far maybe he and Ruby would too. At least he didn't hate her.

“Come on then,” he said with a huge smile, and took those last steps towards the dance floor.

People looked at them. Sam and Ruby could both feel the stares. Mostly because everybody knew Jess, and everything about their 'perfect' relationship, so seeing him with another girl was strange. But Sam ignored them as he pulled Ruby close in front of him. He took her left hand in his right, and raised it, resting his other hand on her waist as she put hers on his shoulder.

“I um... I still can't dance, and especially not a waltz. Maybe something like in a club, yeah but that... not really my area of expertise.”

“But I can. Don't worry,” he said, his smile even wider now.

Ruby didn't understand what Sam was smirking about until his grip suddenly tightened and he lifted her onto his shoes. Since she was tiny compared to him, tiny compared to a lot of people actually, and a rather delicate person, it was no problem for him to lift her up like that. For a moment she was mad at him for doing that, making her feel like a baby lifted by her father, but then his arm was resting around her back, pulling her into a gentle embrace and she blushed. Sam began to dance, and hell, he didn't lie when he said he could dance. They swirled around, and Ruby felt so free and happy in that moment, dancing for the first time, that she laughed happily.


	26. Lets get it up

“Come on, Dean. We have to leave now,” Castiel whispered as he pulled Dean along with him and away from the wedding.

“But-but-but Sam,” Dean said wide-eyed, staring at his brother.

“As you can see, he’s fine. I think he and Ruby might work out just fine,” Castiel reassured him.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Dean asked, as he was pulled out of the building and into the darkness of the night.

“Honeymoon, Dean. Where do newlywed couples go after their wedding?”

“Oh... _oh_! You still didn't tell me where we are going.”

“Yes, and I don't plan on doing so now. Now get in the car. I’ll drive.”

“Ha! Hold on there, big boy! Nobody drives baby; especially when I don't know where we’re going.”

“Dean, come on. We’re married now, and we've been together for years, and you still don't trust me with your car?”

“You know baby is my life.”

“Yeah,” Castiel said rolling his eyes, smirking. “I love you too.”

“That's not what I meant, but I do love her, so no driving. Come on, why don't you just tell me where we’re going?”

“Because it was supposed to be a surprise.”

“I don't like surprises, and you know that.”

“Yeah, but... fine, kill joy. I wanted to take you to California. Can I drive now?”

“Wait, didn't you want to go to France or Italy, or England, or something? I remember you were keen on Europe.”

“Yes, that's true,” Castiel said and, although there was a cold wind, his cheeks began to heat up. “But you’re afraid of flying Dean. I wouldn't put you through hours of it for something as simple as a honeymoon.”

“Cas, you... I am _so_ sorry. I would have done it, for you.”

“I know that, my love,” he said gentle. “I know, and that's why I didn't even ask you to do it. One day I might go and see those countries, but not today. You’re afraid, and that’s completely fine. I won’t force you to face those fears. You’ve never forced me to do something I didn’t want to do. Also, California is nice, and I want to go to the beach with you.”

“You just want to show off your body,” Dean joked.

“Yeah, that too,” Castiel laughed, and kissed Dean. “Now, get in the car and drive. I’ll tell you where our hotel is when we’re there… and then we’ll have sex and go to the beach.”

“Cas, I don't know if you were always this cool or if that changed somewhere during our relationship, but I love you. Never change again.”

“I was always this cool, Dean,” Castiel answered, grinning. “You just didn't see it. Now would you get in the car? I’m horny, and the drive will be long enough, so let’s not delay any further.”

“Shouldn't we, like, say goodbye and let the people throw rice at us or something?”

“Do you want that blow job in the car or not?”

“Damn it Cas. Now you’re making me horny.”

“That's the point, Dean,” Castiel said, with a dark smirk on his lips. He kissed Dean then got into the car. “Come on.”

It would be a lie to say that Dean _didn't_ instantly jump into the driver’s seat and start the engine. He didn't even think about the stuff they actually needed for the trip. For one, Castiel told him they wouldn't need anything at all, even clothes, which made Dean’s cock jump in his pants, and secondly, Cas had actually planned all of it already, and everything was in the back of the car. Seeing Dean’s bright smile, Castiel knew the planning had been absolutely worth it, and he had to smile to himself.

The drive would take them an awful long time, so Castiel decided to sleep for a couple of hours. When he woke up, eight hours had passed, and they still had eight hours to go. He looked over at Dean who, having driven the whole time without a break, looked rather tired. Castiel, who was now fully awake, decided he should help his husband to wake up a little. With a dirty smirk, he rested his hand on Dean’s knee and began to move it up, inch by inch, teasing Dean.

“Cas? What’cha doin’?”

“Waking you up. It's our honeymoon, and I don't want you to sleep.”

“I’m not sleeping, Cas. And that is not – oh, _god_!”

Before he was able to finish speaking, Castiel had opened Dean’s zipper and was now holding his cock in his hand, pumping it the way he knew would get him hard in no time. His grip was light and gentle, like a feather, and he could see Dean shudder out of the corner of his eye. His strokes were slow and long and, as he predicted, not even a minute had passed when he felt Dean begin to harden between his fingers. Three minutes later, his erection was as hard as it could get, and that thick vein was pumping so hard under Castiel’s touch that he couldn't stop himself from bending down and licking over it.

“Fuck, Cas!”

Castiel didn't stop. He didn't even think about stopping. He was having far too much fun teasing Dean, and he liked giving him head. So instead, his lips closed around the head of Dean’s dick while his hand continued pumping his base. Dean thrust up into his mouth, but stopped instantly when he heard Castiel choking.

“Oh, shit – I am so sorry, Cas. I couldn't stop myself.”

Castiel, however, did not remove his lips from Dean’s cock. They were still closed around Dean’s length as he looked up through his thick lashes, blinking innocently as he took him in deeper. Inch by inch he swallowed Dean, and Castiel’s husband was barely holding it together. Not only did the wet warmth of Castiel’s mouth feel amazing around his pre-come soaked cock, but the way he looked up at him with those intense blue eyes, all innocent… it was driving Dean insane.

Castiel, of course, knew that. His every move was deliberate. Bobbing his head quickly, and taking Dean so deep into his mouth that he could feel him at the back of his throat was too. His fingers found their way into Dean’s pants and grazed his balls, massaging them while he continued sucking and licking. Castiel could feel the hot blood pumping through Dean’s cock, and hear the sound of Dean’s grip tightening around the wheel, as he was about to come. But Castiel wasn't done yet. He started moving his tongue as he sucked on Dean, moving his head faster and taking Dean in deeper until his nose brushed through the soft hair of Dean’s happy trail.

Castiel moaned gently and apparently the vibration of it was enough to drive Dean over the edge. His cum began filling Castiel’s mouth and throat as he trembled beneath him. Castiel slowed his movements gradually, sucking gently, until the aftershocks of Dean’s orgasm were over. Then he leaned back, smiling, and used his thumb to wipe a drop from the corner of his mouth only to suck it from his thumb. Dean was worn out. Castiel could tell by the pantin, and how limp he was sitting in his seat, and yet his eyes widened at the teasing gesture.

“You-you’re going to be the freakin' death of me, man,” Dean announced, still slightly out of breath.

“Oh, Dean, don't say that. This drive will be a very, very long one, and I have a couple of ideas about how we can spend those hours without getting bored,” Castiel answered with a filthy smirk.

“You don't... Cas?”

“Surprise, my love. Surprise.”

After that, Castiel simply sat in silence, smirking the entire time. Surprisingly, the silence wasn't in any way unpleasant. Castiel simply laced his fingers with Dean’s, and they drove on. After a while, Castiel decided that, although the silence was relaxing and calming, Dean would have an easier time staying awake with some of his own music. So he turned on a tune from AC/DC which made Dean laugh.

“Let's get it up, huh?” he said with a smirk.

That was the moment Castiel began to ignore the actual melody and listened to the lyrics and understood what Dean meant. He realized how dirty the lyrics actually were, and began to laugh about it too.

“Better than Highway to Hell, at least,” Cas answered.

“Are you trying to tell me something?” Dean chuckled.

“I might be. Depends, how tired are you?”

“I'm okay, I guess. I mean since the streets are kinda empty, and I am driving fast, we might only need fourteen hours total. Meaning there are only six left.”

“Are you sure you don't want me to drive for a while?”

“No, Cas. I’m fine, really. You just go to sleep for a while or something.”

Castiel pouted, but he didn't say anything for another four hours. After that time, he could see the dark circles under Dean’s eyes a little too clearly for his taste, and the yawning came too frequently. So he told Dean they had to stop so he could use the restroom, and asked if it was okay to pull over for a couple of minutes. Dean parked at the next pull-in and told Castiel he could take his time. But Castiel didn't get out. Instead he locked the doors.

Dean raised his eyebrow, not understanding what his husband was doing. For a moment a stupid, small voice in the back of his head told him that this was it, and that Cas was about to kill him, but before he could even finish the thought he was distracted by Castiel’s weight in his lap and his husband’s arms around his neck. Dean wanted to say something, wanted to tell Cas that he didn't have to do this, and that he deserved a lot more luxury for their honeymoon. But before he could voice his thoughts, his lips were locked with Castiel’s, opening up for his lover’s tongue to explore his mouth.

He didn't know how Cas did it, but he always managed to get him into the mood, whenever and wherever they were. Even in that spooky, abandoned pull-in in the front seat of his car, which he kept in pristine condition and actually didn't want to be full of sperm stains. And yet, Dean couldn't find one tiny bit of brain left in his head to care about any of that as Castiel moaned quietly into his mouth as he rolled his hips.

Castiel’s fingers worked quickly but gently, as they opened his own and Dean’s jeans before he managed to stand half-way up, and pulled Dean’s pants and boxers down before ridding himself of his own. Dean was tired and worn out, so it took him a while, but after a couple of minutes he was finally hard enough for Castiel. Thank god Dean kept a bottle of lube in his glove compartment after that one party night in college, when they were both too drunk to drive and too horny to simply sleep in the car. It ended in a rather painful event for both of them.

Years had passed since then and yet their lust and love for each other was still at its highest. Sure, the hormones were under control now, and the glow of their hearts almost forgotten, but the respect for each other and the love were still very much present, and so much more mature than they used to be. Waiting for their wedding turned out to be the best decision the couple ever made together.

Dean groaned as the slicked warmth of Castiel’s ass closed around his erection. As usual, Castiel was gentle with Dean, and he took his time before he started to bounce lightly on his lap, taking Dean in all the way. Considering how long he took to get hard, he was getting very close very soon. Reason being that Castiel did all those things, all those tiny things, that he knew made Dean loose his mind.

He knew that Dean love to do it in the car, despite the stains. He knew that he loved to do it 'in public', meaning somewhere somebody technically _could_ turn up, but usually didn't. He knew that it made Dean’s blood pump faster and the adrenaline kick in, so they were doing it now, and he knew that Dean was still the gentle type, so he circled his hips slowly, rocking back and forth on Dean’s hips, kissing over his neck, jaw and finally his lips again.

Dean was so happy to have Castiel in his life. Not only because of the sex, although it was amazing, but also because he was gentle, kind and so, so thoughtful. He always took care of him, and always caught him when he fell. So when Castiel began lifting himself up only to quickly sink back down onto Dean’s length, moaning his name like a prayer, Dean decided to give all this love he received and all those thoughts back.

So he thrust up into Castiel. In that particular moment, thinking wasn't really working for him, but thrusting and meeting Castiel’s ass was something Dean could do. Especially when Castiel began talking dirty, which he also knew Dean loved.

“Oh, Dean,” He moaned, as he let Dean choose the tempo of his thrusts. “Please… take me harder.”

Dean knew Castiel liked it hard. It was something they discovered a couple of months ago as they watched the last 'Fifty Shades of Grey' movie at the theater. Dean thought the plot sucked, and the sex did too, but he could tell by how dilated Castiel’s pupils were that he either freakin' loved the movie, or the toys they used. Since Castiel, however, mentioned that the book was a pathetic excuse for literature and not even worth the title of 'novel', not to mention 'bestseller', it had to be the toys.

Remembering the face he made during the movie, remembering the wet parted lips and those wide eyes that turned from blue to black in seconds, Dean began pounding into Castiel. His movements were quick and hard, but the sounds his husband made were too delicious to worry about himself. Instead, he buried his fingers in Castiel’s thick hair, tugged his head back, and bit into his neck. In seconds, he felt Castiel’s body spasm and his cum spread all over Dean’s stomach, and smiled when Castiel yelled his name in surprise.

Dean followed a couple of thrusts later, shooting his thick liquid inside of Castiel, who rode him through his aftershocks, and then collapsed, panting, onto Dean’s chest.

“Wh-what was that?” Castiel asked quietly, still panting.

Dean smirked down at him. “Surprise, my love. Surprise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soso so so so soooo sorry for posting late but I've been so busy and my beta was busy too and I am sorry won't happen again


	27. Let me put my love into you (1)

“Wise decision,” Dean said as he followed Castiel’s gaze. “Wonderful view.”

“Right?” Castiel asked, excited. “It looks so beautiful when it reflects the sun like that. I think I could watch the sea all day long.”

“Me too. But I wasn't talking about the ocean, actually.”

Dean voice was so gentle and honest Castiel could feel his heart melt away all over again. He turned in Dean’s arms and wrapped his own around Dean’s neck, kissing him gently. Dean’s hands found their way under Castiel’s shirt and he could feel the warm metal of Dean’s ring against his skin. After all those years, after all the drama, and everything else, they were finally married.

“I still can't believe that we are actually married. I mean, thinking back to Freshmen year, who would have thought?” Cas said, lost in thought.

“I know. Back then I didn't even think about marriage at all. Now look at me. Married - at my age. What a waste,” Dean joked and earned a playful punch in the shoulder.

They kissed again and again and again until Dean began moving backwards into the room, since the hot sun was burning on their skin. While Castiel was lightly tanned anyway, Dean burned easily. Not to mention that his freckles seemed to fucking explode the second the sun hit his cheeks, and he looked like a Dalmatian. The newlyweds ended up on the bed, Castiel on top of Dean, hands buried in his short, dark blonde hair.

“I feel like we’re supposed to have sex 24/7 on our honeymoon. But, honestly, I am way too tired at the moment,” Dean sighed.

Castiel chuckled and shuffled downwards to rest his head on Dean’s chest. “I know what you mean, but I have to agree that I’m too tired for another round. Let's just talk a bit and then sleep for a while. I mean, we have two weeks, right?”

Dean’s eyes were already closed as he nodded and grunted in agreement. After a whole night of driving, it wasn't a surprise that Dean was exhausted. Castiel undressed Dean down to his boxers, doing most of the work himself, before doing the same before lying back down next to Dean. His husband’s heartbeat was slow and steady, and Castiel knew he would be asleep soon. The thing was, he wanted Dean to sleep, he really wanted to let him sleep. But then he heard the high-pitched ring of a bicycle and the mentioning of the pizza man from the beach below, and remembered something that made him laugh so hard that even Dean, who was already half asleep, got curious.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“Hey, Dean?” Castiel said, grinning from ear to ear. “Do you remember our first time?”

“No,” Dean growled loudly, causing his husband to laugh even louder.

Dean turned away to the side, facing the wall to hide the blush creeping into his cheeks. Of course he remembered the first time he and Castiel had sex. It was not only a special event, but also the most embarrassing thing that he ever did in his life, and now the memory was burning into his brain again. Damn you, Cas!

***

“My father won't be home today, so we have the room to ourselves,” Dean announced.

He closed the door behind Castiel and took off his jacket as he walked into the kitchen. Dean opened the fridge and got out a couple of sodas, then went to the cupboard and grabbed some snacks; everything they needed for a 'movie-date-night'. When he walked back into the living room, Castiel was sitting in front of the TV. He looked strange, stiff, with his head tilted to the side, and a confused look on his face like some sort of puppy, as he stared at the screen with narrowed eyes.

“If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why is he slapping her rear?” Castiel asked, obviously confused.

Dean could have killed Sam and himself in that moment. Yes, he had watched that porno the day before, when he was home alone, but he knew for a fact that Sam had watched TV after him. Meaning that Sam had left the video in the player on purpose, knowing that he and Castiel would use the TV, and Castiel would see that damn video when he turned the machine on. Naturally, Dean choked on his own spit, coughing and gasping for air. He ran for the remote and turned the TV off instantly, before putting the snacks and drinks on the table.

“Dean, you’ve gone red. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Cas,” Dean snapped, not really meaning to. “I’m sorry. I uh... I just didn't want you to see that.”

“I thought that was a movie. We wanted to watch a movie.”

“Yeah, but not _that_ kind of movie,” Dean whined.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you serious? You don't know what kind of movie that was?”

“No,” Castiel said, squinting at the black TV screen. “You turned it off barely a minute in… How am I supposed to know?”

“Cas that was... Are you really going to make me say it? Damn it, Cas! That was porn!”

“Porn?”

“Yes, porn.”

For a moment neither of them spoke, so Dean opened a can and drank from it, feeling a little better and especially cooled down. The drink was cold, and he could feel the blush slowly disappearing from his face with every sip he took. That was, until Castiel began to speak again.

“Why are you watching porn when we could have intercourse ourselves?”

Needless to say, Dean spit out his mouthful of coke and almost choked again. How was Castiel able to say things like that with such a straight, innocent face after watching porn for the first time in his life ? Sure, they’d been dating for a while now, and both were now eighteen and in College, so of course he wanted to have sex at some point. However, to date, Dean hadn’t even mentioned sex to Castiel, and he wasn’t going to push Castiel into losing his virginity before he was ready.

“Are you alright, Dean?”

“Ye-yeah. Cas uh... did I understand that right… What you just said?”

“You mean, suggesting we could have sex? Tonight… Now. Yes, you understood correctly.”

Dean stared at him for a long time before he was even able to process what he had just heard. Castiel Novak, the most innocent and sweetest guy on the planet, wanted to have sex with him, lose his virginity to him. Well, if that wasn't a surprise.

“Now?”

“Yes, I don't see why not. We are alone. And it's date night.”

“Okay... then. Uh... let's do it.”

Dean should have stood up, he knew that, but his body was working against him in that moment. How the fuck could Castiel want sex? When? Why? What? What?!

“Should we go upstairs to your bedroom? Or do you want to do it here?”

“Oh, god, no! No, no, no never ever here. No chance we are having sex on the couch. Not for your first time.”

Castiel shrugged. “I don't really mind. I mean as long as it is with you I don't care about the details.”

Now, not only were his cheeks red, Dean’s whole face was burning like an inferno at this point. If this was an anime, he would have a nosebleed at this point, fainting as he shouted kawaii. Thankfully, this wasn't an anime, and his body finally began to react. So, Dean shot up, took Castiel’s hand, and pulled him along into his bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

“So uh... you've never done this before, right?”

“No,” Castiel said, shaking his head.

And yet, without the slightest bit of experience, he didn't seem to feel the slightest bit of shame, as he began taking off one piece of clothing after another, until he was standing in front of Dean with nothing but those damn, tight grey boxers on. Dean couldn't help but stare at Castiel during the whole process, staring at that fine ass and those nicely shaped shoulders and... _fuck_! One glance down revealed that Dean was hard already. What on earth was Castiel _doing_ to him?

On the other hand, Castiel seemed keen and ready enough to be with him, so why hold back? Dean walked towards him and wrapped his arms around Castiel’s hips, pulling him close and kissing him hungrily. He felt Castiel hesitate for a split second before he slowly lifted his hands to Dean’s face, resting those warm fingers on his burning cheeks, kissing him back. Seconds later they were lying on the bed, Dean on top, grinding his hips against Castiel’s in lazy circles.

Fortunately, Dean found out he wasn’t the only one excited by this turn of events, because the dick he was pushing against was anything but soft. It was a nice surprise to see how well his body seemed to react to that kind of sex. Of course, in his mind, Castiel was The One, and he loved him, but Dean had been afraid that his body wouldn't agree, which would have hurt Castiel’s feelings for sure. But, there was obviously no problem as he was hard as a rock already, and couldn't wait to get inside Castiel. He ripped his boxers away, then leaned over Castiel, pushing down the last of the fabric that was parting them.

Dean kissed Castiel’s lips, licked into his mouth and let his hands travel down Castiel’s body, playing with those responsive nipples. His erection rubbed against Castiel’s, both of them dripping pre-come already. Dean would have been embarrassed at how quickly he was getting close to the edge, if it wasn't for the fact that he could feel those neatly cut fingernails dig into his shoulder blades, and those filthy moans that escaped Castiel’s mouth.

Eagerly, Dean spread his lover’s legs, wanting to push in, but Castiel flinched violently, eyes wide in shock, resting his hand on Dean’s chest to stop him.

“Wh-what are you doing, Dean?” he squealed.

“H-Having sex? I thought you wanted that.”

“Y-yes but not without lube!”

“Lube?”

“Yes...lube? That slimy stuff that you use so it doesn't hurt when you push into somebody's anus? Which is quite frankly, not as wet as a vagina, and an awful lot tighter as well. I would be sore for months, and it would hurt you too if we didn’t use it.”

“Damn it! I’ve never been with a guy, how was I supposed to know?” Dean snapped, feeling ashamed.

“I don't know. How do I know without ever having had sex in my life?”

“I don't know, man! I-Isn't there like this licking thing... I mean, what’s it called rumming...”

“Rimming?! For the love of god, Dean Winchester, you will never _ever_ rim me! That’s disgusting, and unhygienic, and I don't want you licking my asshole!”

“The way you say it, it does sound disgusting.”

“Well... it is. So... no lube, then , I assume?”

“I could... I don't know… I could go and check the bathroom?”

“Please do that. We can do without a condom since we know we’re both clean, and we won't have sex with anybody else, but no lube – no sex.”

Dean jumped up right that instant, and ran into his father’s bathroom. He didn't have anything in his and Sammy's bathroom, but maybe, by some miracle, his father did. When Dean found a tiny bottle filled with a think, cherry flavored liquid, he felt like throwing up. Why did his father have something like that? And why did it have to be cherry flavored, of all things? Dean would never be able to eat cherry pie again without the image of his father having sex scorched in his mind.

He shook his head to suppress that thought, and ran back into the room where Castiel was still lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. His erection was still standing strong, and Dean felt his throat go dry as he walked closer to him, kneeling between Castiel’s knees again. He opened the bottle and spread the stuff over his own erection. It was cold, but it didn't help alleviate the burning heat coming from him. Again, he spread Castiel’s legs, only to be stopped again by Castiel’s hands on his chest.

“Dean, come on! It's not that hard,” he sighed. “You have to prepare me first; stretch me.”

“What?”

“Oh my-” Castiel put a hand to his forehead. “You’ve had sex with a girl before, right?”

“Yes!” Dean snapped, his voice more high pitched than expected. Somehow he felt offended.

“Well you prepared her with your fingers, didn't you?”

“What? I never had to do anything with my fingers before.”

The look Castiel gave him instantly killed a big chunk of Dean’s ego. It made him feel insane, like he just told him that he had a pet unicorn hidden in his wardrobe, right next to Aslan and the doorway to Narnia.

“Okay... well you have to use them now. Put lube on one of your fingers and push it in. And please, I beg you, be as gentle as possible because it will hurt me.”

After that everything got more and more embarrassing for Dean. Castiel had to explain every single step to him and it took him what felt like an eternity to find that stupid prostate. When he finally pushed into Castiel and felt that wet warmth tight around his aching cock, he came after not even a dozen thrusts, collapsing on top of Castiel, hiding his face in the mattress.

The worst thing, was that he did so many things wrong. He knew he must have hurt Castiel at some point, and after all of that, he could still feel this gentle hand stroking through his hair, comforting and calming him.

“It will be better and easier the next time,” Castiel said, smiling down at him gently.

Except… _Dean_ was the one with experience. _Dean_ was the one who should have helped Cas through his first time. _Dean_ was the cool, confident one, and now Castiel had to take care of _him_ after what felt like the worst ‘first-time’ experience of all time. Dean felt like crying. What was Castiel _doing_ to him?

***  
“Do not ever mention that awful nightmare ever again,” Dean groaned.

“Oh come on, my love. It wasn't that bad.”

“Never!”


	28. Let me put my love into you (2)

The time passed far too quickly. Before they realized it, the first week of their honeymoon was over. Granted, they really had an awful lot of sex in that time, and yet they always wanted more.

Castiel smirked as he handed Dean a paper bag. It was light and Dean couldn't guess at what might be inside. All Castiel had told him about it was that it was the only thing he wanted Dean to wear when he came out of the bathroom. Dean thought this was fair enough, so he walked into the bathroom and looked into the bag. Then he realized why the damn thing was so light. Inside the bag was nothing but a silk tie and a pair of women’s panties… a bright shade of pink. Needless to say, Dean had expected something different, but he wasn't completely unhappy by what he saw. Although he didn't understand what Castiel was planning, he undressed and put the soft pair of panties on and held the tie in his hand.

Dean honestly couldn’t guess at where his husband got pink silk panties in his size, but he wasn’t about to complain about it. They felt good, and, although he was blushing almost exactly the same shade of pink, he stepped out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom with his head high.

When he saw Castiel standing by the bed, staring down at something lying on it he gulped. Castiel was only wearing his jeans, showing off those nicely formed shoulders of his. Sure, compared to Dean, he was still kind of slim, but to Dean he still looked good shirtless. Especially when his jeans were hanging so dangerously low, showing enough to get Dean interested in more.

Dean watched as his husband lifted something from the bed, turning it in his hands, before he turned to face Dean with a bright, but very wicked, smile. The scene that greeted him was priceless, and Castiel wished he’d thought to bring a camera to film those glorious seconds in which Dean’s persona jumped from light embarrassment to utter shock and then to dark, dirty lust. In his right hand he was holding a nice, black leather crop. His fingers were stroking over the material as he trailed his eyes over Dean from head to feet and back again. He was surprised to discover that seeing Dean in those pink panties made him feel dirty, in a good way, and, god forgive his words, horny. He didn't feel the usual, mature lust or need. No, he felt like a horny teenager who was about to take someone’s virginity… or lose his own.

Not to mention how strange it felt to actually hold such a thing in his hands. Castiel hated violence of any kind, and for him this seemed to be just that. He simply felt wrong even thinking about _BDSM,_ but they had talked about it, and he respected Dean’s wish to at least try it out. Though Castiel hadn't pictured himself as the dominant one in this relationship, this was about exploring, so he argued with himself until he decided to give in and try something new. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on pushing the guilt away and trying his best for his husband.

“Come,” he commands in a voice that doesn't sound like him at all. It’s deeper and harsher than usual and, to his surprise, Dean seems to enjoy it. He seems to like it big time, because not only does he obey, but Castiel can also see the twitches from his dick in those little, pink panties. Well, that was rather interesting.

“Lay on the bed, on your back, with your hands above your head. Put them on the bedframe.”

Dean obeys instantly, and does as he is told. Castiel gulps. This is making him feel things he shouldn't feel. Again, he shakes his head and reaches for the drawer. He takes out a pair of handcuffs, shackling Dean to the bed. Seeing him so motionless and excited makes Castiel’s heart speed up in his chest.

“Okay, umm… short explanation here. You know this isn’t my thing, and I haven't done it ever before… so we really have to communicate with each other. This is of highest importance, Dean. Do you understand?”

For a moment Dean doesn't answer, and Castiel is confused until he remembers one of the rules he once read. The submissive is not allowed to answer the master until he is asked to do so.

“You may speak, Dean.”

“Yes, Master. I understand.”

Castiel had to admit it, although being called ‘Master’ made him feel strange, it’s was also very arousing. Especially the way Dean said it. Like a mixture of prayer and filthy moan.

“Good. The safe-word to make me stop completely is ‘Demon’, okay? We already talked about that… if something is too much say ‘Werewolf’, and if something is good, and you maybe want me to do it again, say ‘Vamp’. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Also I will blind you with this,” he said, holding up the tie. “So you won't be able to see me. And you won’t be able to touch me because of these,” he rattled the handcuffs. “You do understand how important that makes communication?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Okay so umm... Let-let's begin?” Castiel said awkwardly. He should have researched this better.

The thing was, it was an experiment. Castiel didn’t have to be perfect, and Dean didn’t expect him, or _it,_ in general, to be perfect. Dean just smiled so fondly up at his husband, and Castiel knew that everything he had to give Dean would take, because they love each other, and they only need each other. The kink is just some addition they could theoretically live without. And those thoughts are enough to boost Castiel’s confidence up a little and, after an awkward silence, both of them just kind of being there with Dean lying down  and Castiel kneeling between his knees, it finally begins.

Castiel’s lips find their way to Dean’s neck. He kisses it gently, sucking at the sensitive skin, and Dean’s breath hitches. He found it interesting how intense a simply touch could be when the receiver can't return it or see anything, and their other senses take over. Castiel found it the perfect opportunity to explore Dean’s body, kissing it all over. Usually Dean wouldn’t allow that. After only a short time, he would grow ashamed and impatient to give back what he was given, but now Castiel was in charge. So his lips travelled down. He kissed Dean’s jaw, his collar and his torso. His lips closed around one of Dean’s nipples, while his fingers circled over the other. He could feel both of them harden, and compared them. It was amazing to suck at this little nub and feel it harden under his tongue; and even better to then feel the same as he rolled its twin between his fingers. Best of all, was Dean’s reactions, as he sighed loudly, and finally settled down, relaxing into the unseen touch.

Castiel smiled, and began kissing further down, but whenever he got too close to Dean’s happy trail, he would divert his lips into another direction; either Dean’s abs or his hipbones, but never quite where Dean wanted him to.

“I want to kiss every single freckle on your body,” Castiel announced, and looked at Dean blushing. “I want to plant kisses on every last inch of your beautiful skin.”

To emphasize his words, Castiel stroked his hands over Dean’s sides up to his chest again, and he felt Dean’s skin goose bump under his fingertips. He smiled and bent down to kiss Dean on the lips. For a moment, Dean didn’t react. For him, the kiss came by surprise, but then it deepened and Castiel could tell Dean wanted more. With a moan, he invited Castiel in, their tongues meeting in a sloppy caress. Castiel sucked on Dean’s tongue and rolled his still clothed hips against Dean’s. Dean was so sensitive already that he groaned loudly when their erections met through the fabric, and they had to stop the kiss for a moment.

One last nibble on Dean’s full, red, bottom lip, and then Castiel broke the kiss completely. Dean winced, but Castiel knew his husband would be grateful for the short reprieve. He moved lower again, kissing Dean’s inner thigh, causing him to buck his hips up in surprise and arousal. His panties were quickly soaked in pre-come, and Castiel really had to pull all his self-control together to keep himself from taking Dean right there and then.  
  
Instead, he decided to bite into the soft flesh of Dean’s inner thigh. A loud moan escapes Dean’s mouth and a high pitched 'Vamp' too. So Castiel does it again, and Dean’s whole body shudders. Castiel sucks little marks on the sensitive patch of skin at the top of Dean’s thigh, then repeats the process on the other leg, slowly kissing and nibbling his way up. The body beneath him is a moaning, panting mess, and that moment is exactly when Castiel closes his teeth around the satin, pulling the panties down with his mouth. Without a word of warning, he closed his lips around the swollen head of Dean’s cock and began to suck him down.

“Oh god, yes!”

Castiel knew he was supposed to punish Dean for speaking, and he actually considered it for a moment. Pushing the foreplay for so long, and not allowing Dean his release, seemed like it would be fun, but he loved to hear the sounds his husband makes, so he doesn't do it. Maybe another time. Instead, he takes him deeper and deeper until his nose is buried in the hairs trailing down from Dean’s navel, and the whole length of Dean’s cock is in his mouth.

Castiel unzipped his pants and pulls them down one-handed, as he begins to bob his head, sucking Dean quickly. Finally his pants and boxers are gone, and Castiel could finally close his hand around his own erection, jerking himself off while pleasing Dean with his tongue. After a while he can feel both Dean and himself getting closer, feel the blood pump through Dean’s erection as he licks over the thick vein, and lets his tongue swirl over the head. Then he stops. He doesn't want either of them to come like that.

“No,” Dean whines at the loss, panting already.

“Turn around,” Castiel commands without room for negotiation. “On your knees, ass up.”

That seemed to pique Dean’s interest again. He turns around instantly and kneels in front of Castiel, spreading his legs and pushing his ass up high for Castiel to slam into. But he doesn't do it, and Dean gets impatient. He wiggles a little, as much as he can with the cuff around his wrists, and Castiel had to force himself to hold back; not to pound into him like he knows Dean want him to. Instead he reaches for the whip and slams it down on Dean’s ass.

“Don't provoke me,” Castiel says, his voice deeper and rougher than usual.

“Y-yes, Master,” Dean moans, voice and breath shaking in pleasure.

Castiel let the whip travel down Dean’s spine gently, goose bumps popping up everywhere, before he slammed it down onto his ass again, making Dean’s whole body twitch in anticipation. He kissed the reddened skin, and Dean’s moan is strangled and desperate. His fingers were so tight around the bed frame that the skin over his knuckles was white as snow.

“Such a good boy. Takes his punishment without a word.”

Again, Castiel whips Dean’s ass before kissing over the sensitive flesh. It was burning hot under his cold lips, and he could tell that Dean loved it. He repeated the process a couple more times, Dean’s pre come dripping on the sheets, but he neither moved nor begged for more. He was a good boy, and Castiel decided that those should be rewarded.

He reached with one hand for the bottle of lube on the nightstand, while the fingers of his other hand were busy elsewhere. He circled them over Dean’s entrance, causing him to groan loudly. Castiel knew he had to hold back, to not push forward at Dean’s insistence; even though he knew his husband wanted them, desperately, buried deep inside his ass. So Castiel, being the tease he was, gently pushed against Dean’s hole with his thumb, before he removes it again.

Dean was a mess. The playing had been going on for over half an hour and he wanted his release. Sure, he was enjoying the sexual torture Castiel was putting him through, but he wants more. The worst part about the whole thing is that Castiel knew exactly where to push and pull and suck and kiss, and that made the whole thing a thousand times worse. That was, until he suddenly felt Castiel do something he said he never would; pressing his tongue against Dean’s hole, causing Dean to whine in surprise.

“F-fuck, _Cas_!”  
  
Castiel stops.   
  
“S-sorry, Master,” Dean apologizes, panting and Castiel finally continues.

Castiel sucked on the pink flesh around Dean’s entrance until he pushed his tongue in finally, and Dean’s whole body tensed. His lips parted, moaning and wincing loudly for more, Dean held his eyes shut tight in concentration, feeling every bit of pleasure Castiel was giving him. Then, quite suddenly, there were two lubed fingers pushing into Dean, who was barely able to hold himself together. He was about to come undone, and that was not going to happen, especially not without Castiel being in him.

“Master, please.”

“Please what?” Castiel asked, and Dean heard the smirk in his husband’s voice.

“Fuck me,” he pleads. “Fuck me hard, Master. I want you to fill me up and take me fast.”

And then the fingers disappeared and Castiel slammed into Dean without mercy or warning. Casiel’s hands grip Dean’s hips, fingers digging into flesh, as he pounds into his husband’s ass. Dean pushed against the bed frame to keep himself from rocking back against the deep thrusts.

“Fuck, good sub. Such a good boy! Fuck, Dean you’re so warm… and tight.”

Dean threw his head back as Castiel continued to fuck him as hard as he begged for it. He felt his erection filling up more and more and then, finally, Castiel bent over him and his warm hand closes around Dean’s throbbing erection. Dean felt the warm breath on the back of his neck, and moaned in delight when he could finally spill all over the bed with a shout of Castiel’s name. His muscles tightened and then Castiel came too, filling him up with his cum.

He collapsed on top of Dean for a moment, remaining buried deep inside his husband, his lover. After a while, Castiel knew he had to move and eventually pulled out gingerly, leaving Dean feeling empty all of a sudden. The tie covering Dean’s eyes was removed first, then the cuffs. The first thing Castiel did was close his finger gently around Dean’s wrists and kiss the marks left by the cuffs. Then, for a while afterwards, they simply lay together, drifting off into a post-orgasmic coma together.

 


	29. Let's Make It (1)

Something bothered Dean. Something was different. Castiel was there, with him, enjoying their honeymoon, but he was also somewhere else. Especially when they went out in public together. Whenever some baby or small child passed them, Castiel’s gaze would soften and he would watch them for as long as they were nearby. It made Dean suspicious of how honest Castiel had been when they talked about their plans for the future, agreeing that a cat would be responsibility enough.

It wasn’t as if Dean disliked children. He actually loved them very much. So much so, that he actually wanted children himself. Yet, something was holding him back. It was some kind of force, or voice in the back if his mind, that told him to keep quiet, and not share his wish with Castiel. Dean hated that feeling. He shared everything with his husband. For their entire relationship, not one secret had stood between them, but suddenly there was a huge space between them that he didn't know how to fill. Dean tried to ignore it and the thoughts that came with it, and tried to tell himself that he simply didn't want to share his husband with a child. Dean, however, knew full well how stupid those excuses sounded, even to himself. He and Castiel had had enough time to themselves in the past years, learning and exploring every detail of each others body and mind.

The real problem, that Dean would only admit to in his most silent and darkest moments alone, was that he was afraid he would become his father. What if he messed it up just like John did? What if he and Castiel had a son, who turned into the bully Dean had been? And a girl was out of the question. Dean couldn't handle a daughter; they were far too complicated for him, too deep. He would always be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. And god only knew what he would do if one day she came home with a guy or worse; someone tried to hurt her.

No, no, no. Dean wasn't ready to face all of these things. Maybe Castiel was, but Dean couldn't stop his mind from obsessing over all the questions and horrific scenarios of his possible parenting mistakes. He couldn't stop thinking about the problems and the things that could go wrong. Not to mention the fact that he and Castiel were two men; getting a child wouldn't be as easy as it would for hetero couples.

Dean’s mood dropped instantly and, of course, Castiel noticed. For a moment, Castiel was afraid that he had pushed Dean too far with their little sexual 'experiment' a couple of hours ago, and he felt bad for even trying it. However, this time, he made the conscious choice to push that feeling away and simply ask Dean what was wrong.

“Dean? Is everything alright? You seem down, and I’m afraid I might be the reason for that. Is it because I did something wrong?” he asked.

“What? No, god no, Cas! You were amazing. I saw stars! No, it's… it’s not the sex.”

Although Castiel felt good knowing that he got something right the first time and didn't hurt Dean, he was also still bothered by Dean’s mood. He wondered if he should change the topic, because Dean didn't seem to walt to talk about his feelings.

 “I didn't expect you to be such a good Submissive,” Castiel finally said with a smile.

Dean shrugged. “Good little soldier. Always have been, always will be, I guess. Taking orders is easier than giving them.” The corners of Dean’s mouth turned up in a half-smirk. “You did torture me, though. It was really hard to keep still, and even harder to keep quiet. Dammit, Cas, where on earth did you _learn_ that anyway?”

Cas shrugged. “Internet.”

“You... you didn't really... did you?”

“What?”

“Researched this?”

“How else was I supposed to understand that scene?”

Dean burst out laughing, and Castiel felt happiness boil up inside him. Now seemed to be the right moment to ask Dean what was going on with him. So he did, and Dean’s face dropped instantly. There was no anger or pain underneath his frown. Instead, Castiel sensed fear, and a small amount of betrayal, in his husband’s green eyes.

“Dean, please.” He begged. “Communication is not only important in the bedroom.”

 “I am not ready for kids!” he blurted.

Castiel stared at Dean for a moment, blinking rapidly as he tried to understand what exactly just happened.

“What are you talking about? I know you’re not. Neither am I. We decided we wanted to start with a cat… You do remember that I agreed with you on that point?”

“Yes, I remember. That’s why I’m so mad at you.” Dean spoke quickly, cutting Castiel off from interrupting, trying to make him understand, but not quite knowing how. “I trusted you to tell me the truth, Cas. Then I see you stare at ever infant we see like it’s the sun in your sky, and I hate that. I hate that you lied, I hate that I would have to share you, and I hate that I’m not your sun… like you’re mine.”

Dean stumbled over the words a couple of times, and became more upset with every word. It hurt Castiel to see him like that, especially how quiet Dean got at the end of his outburst, as if he was feeling selfish and mean for every word spoken. In a sense, Castiel assumed, he was, but Castiel wasn't mad at him for feeling like that. If anything, it made him love Dean even more. So he stepped closer, resting his hand on Dean’s cheek until he leaned into it. Castiel’s heart broke in that moment, and he kissed Dean gently.

“You _are_ my sun, Dean. I love you more than anything in this world, and knowing that you feel the same about me makes me happy in ways I can’t even begin to describe. You’re right; I _do_ want children. When we made that deal I was sure I wanted to wait, but… We’ve been together for almost a decade, and now we’re married,” he began to explain calmly as he stroked his fingertips through Dean’s hair.

“We have a house, our finances and jobs are wonderful and as stable as they could be, we are happy together, we are a perfect team, we’re the right age and, most importantly, we love each other deeply. I know you love children, and you know I’ve always wanted them, but there’s more to it.” Castiel took a breath. “If I was a girl, wouldn't we have children already? I feel like I’m… incomplete. Like I’m not enough for you. Not that you ever gave me the feeling - it's just that I feel useless if I can't even give you the one thing a family is all about, a baby.”

“Cas,” Dean sighed. “For god’s sake, you’re everything I will ever need. Just… know that.”

“I do, Dean. I do, and I am so thankful for us. The thing is, I love you so much that the idea of not making more of you makes me sad. I want a whole pack of little you's, you know?”

“And a lot of you's too,” Dean said gently, kissing Castiel lightly on the lips. “I think... I think I want children.”  
  
***  


“I’m a little nervous,” Castiel admitted. He squeezed Dean’s hand a little tighter. “I mean, what if she is some psycho, or druggy, or something like that?”

“I bet she’ll be charming,” Dean whispered back. He took a moment to gather his courage before finally knocking on the door.

A couple of moments later, the door swung inwards, and a women was standing in the doorway. She was stunning, from head to heals. She had long, light brown hair that was of a similar color to Dean’s. Castiel had made sure that the woman they chose would look similar to Dean, so their future child would look as much like their father as possible. She had full, dark lips, a nice nose, and beautiful hazel eyes.

“Hello,” she said, a surprised smile spread over her lips. “How can I help you?”

“Hello, my name is Castiel Winchester, and this is my husband Dean. We spoke on the phone a couple of days ago. I mean, I assume you’re Abby? Your slim figure doesn't particularly say ‘surrogate’,” Cas said.

The women nodded, smiling, and invited the two men in with a sweep of her arm.

“My boys are in school and my husband is at work,” she explained over coffee. “I first became a surrogate for my best friend a couple of years ago, because she wasn't able to get pregnant. I felt good about being able to give her what she always wanted, and I would love to do the same for you. I already mailed you all my files and information about my family so, you know what you’re expecting.”

“A rather feisty child, by the sounds of it,” Dean said, smirking. After all, he did like feisty women, and if their child turned out to be half as feisty as Abby, he would love them, whether they had a boy or girl.

“Well I hope so. No child of mine should be aimless. My two boys certainly aren't.”

Abby was amazing. She was young, and ambitious. She was a good mother and a healthy, beautiful woman. All in all, she would be the perfect surrogate for Dean and Castiel’s first child. So they discussed the details and arranged an appointment with her doctor so they all knew what to do when the time was right.

A couple of weeks passed after their first appointment and it was time for Dean to make his donation. He felt a bit awkward doing it himself after so long with Castiel, and Dean tried to remember the last time he jerked himself off. His very first date popped into his mind, which was some time in Freshman year. He told Castiel he was having a little trouble, which was rather embarrassing, but his husband was more than happy to help him fill the cup. It turned out to be amazing; the risk of getting caught together made the whole thing so damn kinky, that Dean had no problem donating his sperm at all.

Dean had tuned out when the doctor began to explain how exactly the whole thing would work. Sure, he knew his sperm was preserved now and would, at some point, end up inside Abby, but he really didn't need to know much more than that. Castiel was different. He wanted to know every single detail there was to know, and how to make the whole process as safe as possible for all involved. He couldn't wait for little baby Dean to finally come and meet his new fathers.

Sure, Castiel had doubts. He was afraid that Dean Junior wouldn't be healthy after all, or that he couldn't handle having two gay fathers and no mother. He was afraid that he would do something wrong and lose his son’s trust, or any number of things that might happen in the possible future. So many things to go wrong and he couldn't just shut those out like he used to.

He had told his husband everything, but Dean had always given the same answer each time; that everything would be alright, and Castiel would be an amazing father. Boy or girl, no matter what, Castiel would love and cherish their child, and that was all that mattered. Luckily, Dean always managed to calm Castiel down, and the idea of becoming a father didn't frighten either of them anymore.

They were excited, and even more so after the first ultrasound. All doubts were completely gone. When Dean and Castiel saw that little bean, _their_ little bean, on the tiny screen, both men almost cried. This was _their_ little baby and, although Castiel would never be the biological father, he already loved that tiny life-form growing inside Abby. Throughout the entire process, Abby kept the two men updated on how her tummy was growing, what she was eating, and how she was making sure she kept her and the child healthy. She told them when she wasn't well, and the three of them went to see the doctor together.

It was relaxing and calming to have somebody around who was giving birth to their fourth child, rather than someone who was as inexperienced as Dean and Castiel were. Abby knew what she was doing, and the fact that she wanted to give birth to the baby alone, not needing Dean or Castiel to hold her hand, gave the men confidence. Castiel couldn't handle the female anatomy, never did and never would. Dean, however, was more concerned that something the size of a melon was going to be squeezing itself out of a hole the size of a lemon, with all the bodily fluids that came with it. He’d had sex with women before, and it didn't feel like a melon could fit in there.

The day came, finally, and hours passed as Abby went into labor. They could hear screaming and shouting, and neither of them wanted to imagine what kind of pain Abby was going through. It took Abby five hours and forty-seven minutes to deliver, and she was holding the baby, clean and alive in her hands when Castiel and Dean burst into the room to congratulate and thank her. She waved them away, smiling at them, keen to see their faces when they finally held their baby for the first time. And in all honesty, she was satisfied with their reactions.

Dean was the first one to hold her. His lips quivered and his eyes began to fill with tears as he watched the tiny infant lying in his arms. What they had assumed was their beautiful son, turned out to be a beautiful baby girl. 17 inches, 6 pounds and 8 ounces of concentrated purity sleeping snuggly wrapped in a blanket. Castiel brushed gently over the little girl’s head as he bent down and kissed her on the soft flesh of her cheek. She made a small sound, and cuddled herself up in Dean’s arm and continued to sleep.

Castiel cried. He was not ashamed to admit it, and he was not ashamed that the whole hospital saw a grown man cry over a little baby, because she was beautiful, just like her father. It took her a bit of time, but when she finally opened her eyes they were the same bright green as Dean’s. She had light, rosy skin and tiny little freckles all around her nose. The shock of hair she was born with was light blonde, and the grip of her chubby little fingers around Castiel’s was tight and warm.

“So,” said the doctor as he looked over the chart at the end of Abby’s bed.  “What’s the little angels name?”

Dean was a bit lost, they had really expected it to be a boy, but Castiel reacted in seconds with the most perfect name he had ever heard.

“Daphne,” he said. “Her name is Daphne Winchester.”


	30. Let's Make It (2)

“Daphne, baby? What do you want for breakfast?” Castiel asked his daughter.

“I want apple pancakes,” The little girl squeaked happily in her high-chair.

Her hair had grown in those two years, but she had demanded the blonde curls to be cut shorter again. Castiel had thought about saying no, she was only close to two years old, but he wasn't able to say no to those big eyes and that chubby, little face that always smiled so brightly. He also thought about saying no to the pancakes and making her something healthier, but she was such a lovely, happy child, and if pancakes assured that she would continue to smile like that and run around the house like a little bouncing ball, why not grant her that wish? Especially on such an important day.

“Are you excited to meet your new siblings today? Daddy is bringing them home.”

“Yay, yay, yay,” little Daphne cheered, bouncing in her seat with each ‘yay’.

Castiel smiled as he flipped a pancake, and looked at the picture pinned to the fridge. It was Dean holding their little Daphne. A perfect shot of them a couple of months ago. Under that were pictures of his parents and his sister Anna. Soon he would fill the whole space with family pictures, faster still with two new baby's on their way. They even moved into a bigger house a short way outside of town when their new surrogate told them she was expecting twins.  
  


It was a very mo dern house , wit h huge walls of glass so that the sun could flood the rooms from any direction. It was light, with a huge garden where they had already installed a little playground for the children to use. Yes, the Winchesters spoiled their little girl and yes, they would spoil the other two as well. This time, they didn't want to be surprised by the gender again, so Castiel knew exactly who Dean would be bringing home with him.

  
Another little girl, to be named Alex, and a little boy; Charlie. The two of them would be Castiel’s biological children this time, although they had had to find a new surrogate this time around, since Abby was pregnant with her own, third child. Both Castiel and Dean were happy for her, and Linda was such a lovely young woman. She was less feisty and lacked Abby’s confidence, instead she was a shy and modest girl. Her skin was pale, her hair, dark and shiny, and her big brown eyes had mesmerized Castiel the first time they met. She was his female equivalent, and the children would be fully and completely him; Dean was sure of it.

When Castiel finally heard the car in the driveway he hurried out of the house immediately. He had wanted to pick his children up with Dean, but somebody had to watch over Daphne, and he couldn't ask Sam since his break was over and school was killing him. Castiel didn’t blame him, though, and he loved taking care of little Daphne now that the 'worst' part - the screaming and crying and pooping and the sleepless nights - was over. And yet, he couldn't stop himself from greeting his new little twins before they even reached the house.

He helped Dean carry them inside, where Daphne was already waiting with big eyes. She looked so adorable in her tiny green and pink dress and that excited, curious look on her face when those two new creatures were carried into their home. Suddenly the big house wasn't as big and empty anymore, and she understood why they needed so much space.

“So those are my, sib-er-lings?” she asked.

“Yes, baby,” Dean said with a smile. “Say hi to your new baby brother Charlie, and your new baby sister Alex.”

“Charlie got red hair,” she said surprised. “Why he got red hair? Daddys, you don’t got red hair.”  
  
Castiel chuckled. “My mother and my sister had red hair. I guess that gene jumped a generation.”

“What’s gen-ray-shun?”

“You’ll understand that one day, my angel. All you need to know is that your pancakes are getting cold, and you need to eat up before you can go and play.”

And by god, she ate up. She stuffed the food into her tiny, yet somehow cavernous, mouth and Castiel wasn't sure, but he could have sworn that she even managed to swallow some of her food without even attempting to chew it first. Once she’d finished, she begged Dean to let her out of her chair, then dashed out of the house and into the garden. She loved to sit under the big oak and play with her little dolls and horses.

With their daughter sitting safely in the enclosed garden, Dean and Castiel sighed in relief at having a little time alone while the twins were still sleeping, and grateful that they had enough time to prepare the twins’ room. Dean and Castiel had already decided that the twins would share their room; At least for the first couple of years until the baby and terrible-twos stages were over, and after that they would each have their own room. Castiel had even refused to decorate either of the two free rooms, besides adding some generic furniture to each, so they could decide on their own how they wanted to decorate. Neither parent wanted to push any kind of sexual identity on to their children by making his room blue and hers pink.

Daphne, for example, had wanted her room to be painted like a forest, with lots of pink flowers in it. The dominating color, of course, was green. Although she loved her dolls and pink ponies, Daphne never cared much about playing with toys. She preferred running around the garden, playing hide and seek with her fathers, or playing in the little treehouse Dean had built for her. Of course, she was never without at least one parent around watching her so she didn’t fall and hurt herself. She loved her swing and her slide, and she loved to play in the mud after a long, rainy day. She loved to get dirty, and what Castiel and Dean loved the most about her was that, even when she cried when she hurt herself during play time, a simple kiss on the wound was all it took, and the pain was gone and forgotten. Daphne was such a cheerful and lovely child that everybody who met her instantly melted. Nobody more so than her fathers every time they looked at her.

Still, they were happy to get a moment to themselves. Dean pulled Castiel in, and kissed him gently. As always, his arms wrapped around Castiel’s hips and, in return, he could feel Castiel’s warm hands in his hair, pulling him down, and deepening the kiss with a quiet moan. With their jobs and children, their alone-time was something rare and precious. They didn't have much of it, but they took good care not to waste a single minute they had together. Although, they did concede that having sex in the kitchen next to their sleeping newborns was probably not a good idea.

“Looks like they could actually sleep through the night. The nurses said they sleep beautifully. Apparently they’re both very calm and quiet compared to other babies,” Dean murmured in hushed tones against Castiel’s lips, earning a bright smile.

“Is that your way of asking politely if I want to have sex with you tonight?”

Dean feigned shock and held his hand over his heart. “Oh, Cas! You think so low of me?” This earned a chucked from his husband, and he smiled back. “No, not exactly. I mean, I would love to, but I’m way too exhausted. I was aiming for something more like… a movie night? With maybe some snuggling on the couch? That way we can hear them if they wake up.”

Castiel chuckled. “You really turned into quite the Dad, didn't you?”

Dean tried to look offended. “Come on, Cas. That's not fair. I am still funny, old me.”

“Yeah, you are right about the old part.”

Dean’s mouth gaped open. Then, without warning, he slapped Castiel on the ass, causing him to jump into Dean’s arms, laughing happily.

“Come on, old man.” He said winking, after Dean finally released him. “Let's get the children into their beds,”

Castiel picked Alex’s carrier seat up. She really was a pretty, little girl. She was more petite than Daphne was when she was born, and had the biggest, bluest eyes and a full head of dark brown hair. She and Charlie had similar features, like the full lips and the pale skin, blue eyes and even the nose, but while her hair was like Castiel’s, Charlie’s head was covered in a thick shock of red hair. Both of them were quiet and calm, sleeping deeply even when they had to be removed from their seats and laid down in their cribs.

Castiel turned the baby monitor on and took the receiver into the living room with him. He saw Daphne playing outside, sitting under the old oak tree, and appeared to be pretending to read a story from one of her favorite books to her dolls. She was so enthusiastic about it; both men could tell even from this distance. Her eyes were wide, and she was constantly wiggling with her arms as she pointed at something in the book. It was ridiculous how such a tiny thing, like a little child reading a book to her dolls, could be so heart-warming and beautiful; especially when a person was able to call that child theirs. It really changed a lot of thing in their life, and yet they were happy for every decision and mistake they made, if it meant they ended up there; in that place, at that time.

“So,” Dean began as he walked towards Castiel, wrapping his arms around his husband and pulled him into a warm hug. “We've got twins.”

Castiel chuckled. “Yeah, seems so. I still can't believe it, though. I mean, not that I am not grateful for both Alex and Charlie, but I was really surprised at the first ultrasound. Shocked, too, to be honest. I thought we wouldn't be able to handle two of them at the same time, but I mean, listen to them. They’re so quiet we might actually be able to grab a couple of hours sleep.”

“That would be great. I mean, not that I minded taking care of Daphne, but she is really lively, and has crazy sleeping hours… I’m too old to go through that again.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and leaned back, putting his hands on his hips. “Dean... you are not even 28 years old.”

“I’m still old.” Dean said, horrified. “Look, I am closer to thirty than I am to twenty. That’s horrible, I’m an old man.”

Castiel shook his head. “But you're a sexy, old man. And I can't wait until we get even older together.”

“Cas, you are the only person alive who can get me excited and then, in a heartbeat, make me want to propose to you again.”

“I supposed that’s good?” he said, unconvinced.

“It’s perfect. I love you, Cas. I really, really, really do.”

“I love you too, Dean. And I love our children.”

Dean looked over at the fridge, a small frown on his face. “I just wish they didn’t have to grow up without grandparents.”

Next to the picture of him and Daphne were pictures of Castiel’s parents and his sister Anna. Just like Castiel had said, Anna looked exactly like their mother; her face, her body, her hair; everything, while Castiel took more after his father. It was highly likely that Charlie would look like them when he got older, and Dean couldn't be happier about it. Just like Castiel wanted more of Dean in the world, Dean wanted the Novak family to go on as well, if not in name. Alex and Charlie would be the perfect addition.

Castiel ducked his head, feeling unsure. “Well... there is your father.”

“After what he pulled at our wedding? Not a chance, Cas! I can't believe you can even suggest that.”

“Dean, I know I can't judge the situation, because I don't know what that must have felt like, not really. But, even after all that, if I still had the chance to talk to my father, I would do it. I mean, he’s fifty-one years old. Take the chance while you have one.” Castiel bit his lip, debating on whether to take the subject further. He didn’t want to upset his husband, but this was important. “Dean, with his drinking and everything he's done to his body, he might not be around for very much longer. And, you know, he’s apologized to both of us a thousand times over during the last two years. I just think-”

“One day, Cas. One day I'll forgive him. I might. But right now… right now is not the right time. Not today.” Dean held his hands out earnestly. “I can't, Cas. Not yet. Give me a year, or two maybe, and we’ll see.”

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and buried his face in his neck. “I’d never force you, my love. I’m just telling you how I see things; how I feel. And John’s been sober for a year. I think Daphne and the twins would love to meet him.”

Dean’s shoulders sagged, and he sighed heavily. “I guess he's really trying, isn't he?”

“Mhm,” Castiel said, and kissed him on the lips.

They both sighed into the kiss. They were getting older, and life was going on and on and on. Not that Dean minded; he loved his life and every single part of it. He loved his job, he loved Castiel’s job, he loved his brother and Ruby as a couple - happy and ambitious as ever - he loved Dorothy and Charlie, who were in Singapore building their amazing company, and most of all he loved his growing family. The player and bully had turned out be a protective and doting father, loving husband and caring brother. Who would have thought?  
  
Dean pulled Castiel closer and deepened the kiss. Not that they could actually do anything while Daphne was awake, but lifting Castiel up onto the counter and standing between his legs while pulling his husband against his body made Dean feel good; young and happy. Castiel opened his mouth with a quit moan and invited Dean in. Their tongues met in a slow, gentle kiss as Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and their bodies met in a tight embrace. They were still so very much in love, still enjoying every single second together, that it was actually crazy. Everything from making mud pies with Daphne, to the alone-time they somehow managed to squeeze into their daily life was memorable, and perfect.

As if on cue, the door opened and Daphne toddled in. Dean parted his lips from Castiel’s, but didn't move away from him. Having Castiel so close calmed him and kept him sane, even during the most difficult of times. They were both surprised that Daphne had relinquished her place in the garden, since she never usually came into the house willingly before sunset, but they realized that it had begun to rain, and she couldn't stay outside without catching a cold. Thankfully, she was still dry.  
  
“Papa? Daddy? It’s raining again. Can we watch a movie and snuggle all together.”

Daphne didn't care that she had two fathers and not a mother. If anything, she was happy about the situation. So far, she was the only woman in Papa's and Daddy's life, and that was the way she liked it. As long as Castiel was her Papa, and Dean was her Daddy, everything was just about right for her.


	31. Goodbye & Good Riddance to Bad Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been quite the journey. A journey of around 75.000 words, almost four months and 30 chapters. This was my first story I actually made and managed to have this long. I've been writing for so many years now but never have I ever managed to finish one of my novel length stories but here it is. Thanks to all my lovely readers and commenters and of course my beloved beta this has been far more fun and of far more success than I expect it to be.  
> I started this during the SPN hellatus between season 9 and season 10 using tuesday as my publish day, next to saturday of course, to fill that gap that SPN left and I hope that I maybe managed to make those months of waiting easier for a couple of you as well. I am so thankful for all the people that stayed tuned and enjoyed my fic. You are the best!  
> So, this is the last chapter of the fic, the last goodbye. The next chapter will be the Epilogue and in the timeline before this ending so this will be the image I will leave my little Winchester family with. I hope you like it and who knows maybe when I publish again you will like it to.   
> Thanks for reading!!! <3

“It's our thirteenth birthday. We really don't _want_ to go trick or treating,” Alex announced.

“And besides, my Doctor Who Cosplay is _not_ meant for Halloween,” Charlie added.

“ _Now_ do you believe me when I say I’m too old for this?” Dean asked, earning a smirk from Castiel, who was working on the twins’ birthday cake.

They discovered early on that there was something about birthdays and holidays with their family. Castiel’s was on Christmas, Daphne’s was on Valentine’s Day, and the twins’ was on Halloween. Turning thirteen on Halloween was not really a lucky thing, but Castiel was forced to ignore that unwelcome feeling deep down in his gut as he put the thirteen candles onto the chocolate cake. He shook his head, for the millionth time that day, at how unbelievable quick thirteen years had flown by.

“A; nobody said you had to go trick or treating, Alex, just that it would have been a nice surprise birthday party if you had. B; nobody said you had to wear your Doctor Who Costume, Charlie. I just suggested it since, you know, you're “finally ginger” and everything… and, last but not least, C; You're thirty-nine not sixty-nine, so stop whining about your age, Dean.”

Dean laughed, Alex looked a bit ashamed and Charlie looked more than pleased with the fact that he was, in fact, a ginger. A ginger Timelord. That was the moment the door rang and Daphne jumped up from her seat in the kitchen after observing her family with a superior grin on her lips. She was “almost fifteen”, and far too “grown up” to fight with her fathers about something as unimportant as Halloween costumes. Especially since the quirky girl loved to dress up and did it every year anyway, grown up or not.  
  


“I'll get it!” she announced, and walked out of the room only to return with Charlie, Dorothy, Sam, Ruby and their two sons Thomas and Shepherd.

“Alex and Charlie jumped up, in sync, to greet their aunts and uncle. Though, when Charlie first found out that he was named after a woman, he wasn’t exactly pleased. Not that he didn't respect woman or anything, but he was clearly male, and he didn't want to be compared to a woman all the time. When he turned four and the Brandbury-Baums came to visit for the first time to celebrate his and Alex’s birthday, and he met Charlie for the first time, he fell in love with her, and the name. She was cool and totally powerful - just the way he wanted to be one day.

Charlie’s personality had changed in the last nine years, but he still very much adored his aunts, and no one more than Charlie. The boy turned out to be rather shy and quiet, completely lost in his music, so it was a bit surprising that out of all the family members he could have picked as his favorite, it was the most lively. Luckily, the love was more than mutual, so the family get-togethers on the holiday-birthdays always turned out to be the most beloved and blissful days of the year.

Daphne was different, however. She lived to talk and to laugh and to run and to climb and to never stand or sit still. Just like her father she was the most popular girl in school, already now in her Freshman year, and a Cheerleader. Even to her fathers, the girl was a paradox wrapped up in a miracle. She was both obedient and a natural born leader. She was loud and rough at times, but when she watched over her beloved siblings and cousins she was quiet, and gentle as an angel. She loved to go out with her friends and do what girls do, but she still loved it every time Castiel read to her as they sipped hot cocoa and cuddled under a warm blanket.

It was no surprise that the first thing Daphne did after the great greeting was to get her two cousins and sit down somewhere to play with them. Thomas was about to turn three, and Daphne already spoke to him more than she should. Little Shepherd was one and a half, and learning to speak, which of course was a joy for Daphne to watch and help him with. Needless to say, Sam’s boys loved their big cousin Daphy.

The only person who didn't really know what to do was Alex. These last months had been rather strange, and Dean and Castiel simply assumed it was the hormones kicking in. She became more and more quiet, and whenever one of them tried to speak to her she would be so easily triggered, shouting or screaming, so they didn't even try anymore. Once, Castiel waited until she was in school and snuck into her room. He found something that looked like a diary, turned out to be a little story book. Instead of writing her everyday feelings down she created short stories for every day and Castiel devoured them. She was truly talented and, although he didn't find out what was bugging her, he was still proud of her.

He was ripped out of his thoughts when his daughter tugged at his sleeve. Her eyes were looking everywhere but his face, and her cheeks were burning bright red. Usually, Alex was everything but shy. Just like Daphne, she was loud and feisty, which united them, but less feminine. Alex loved Karate and Soccer, she didn't want to hear the words ‘diet’, ‘skirt’ or ‘high heels’, which were not her thing at all, and make-up with photo sessions afterwards was something she only allowed her sister to do to her on special occasions. Now, the teenagers looked more than shy, she looked nervous.

“Papa, c-can I speak to you in private?” she whispered, so nobody could hear.  
  
“Sure, my love. What is it?”

“Well, first of all I wanted to say sorry. I know I’ve kinda' been acting weird for a while. I didn't want to; I just couldn't calm myself down. But I talked to aunt Ruby and she said everything was okay and normal, and that I should tell you why I was like that, so you would understand.”

“Okay... well tell me then.”

“Well... um... you know girls get this thing… when they reach a certain age?  Well, I um… I guess I got that now.”

“Oh... Oh! Oh, I see. You mean your -”

“Don't say it out loud!” She huffed, shushing her father. “Uncle Sam or Dad would only make fun of me.”

Castiel laughed. “Why would you think that?”

“Because they’re typical men. They think now that I’m a women that I’m weaker than they are, but I can still kick their asses!” Alex said stubbornly, folding her arms across her chest.

Castiel chuckled quietly. “I’m sure you can, and I am sure they know that too. Don't be ashamed of it. It's perfectly natural, and every girl gets it. Your sister has it too, so if you don't want to talk to me or Dad about it you can always ask her for help. I think she’s better prepared for that talk than I am anyway.”

Alex relaxed instantly and laughed, throwing her arms around his waist and hugging him. “Thank you, Papa.”

Then she was gone. She turned around and greeted the visitors. Sam she greeted last and smiled at the brightest. He always came around and played football with her or fought with her when she needed to let off steam. Obviously, the first thing she did after hugging him was to playfully hit him in the stomach. Sam feigned an agonized snort, telling her she had to watch out now because she was getting too strong for him. Thirty-five years old, a perfect father, and yet such a child.

Castiel couldn't have been happier. He had lost his entire family, every last member, but now he had an even more beautiful family than ever. Not that he didn't love his parents, or Anna, but this was different. His beloved husband and their perfect little brats were his world. Sam and Ruby had their lovely sons, and Charlie and Dorothy, who had eventually decided against children of their own, loved his family dearly. They were changing the world, and having adventures just like they had always wanted. Bobby and Ellen, who were practically his children’s grandparents, always offered to watch over the children if Dean and Castiel needed a weekend for themselves. Which all three parties loved and enjoyed a lot.

Jo, who finally found her soulmate and moved to Europe with him, always called and sent mail. Balthazar, who called from time to time, was always the first one to offer help if Castiel and Dean ever needed it with their finances. Castiel was happy about all these additions to his life, but one of them was the most astonishing and surprising one; John Winchester.

“Grandpa’s here!” Daphne announced, as John stepped into the room, bags of presents under his arms.

“Ain't anybody gonna' help me with these heavy presents?” he said with a bright smile, looking at Alex and Charlie, who instantly jumped forwards to help the elderly man.

After years of hate from both sides, Dean, Sam and their father had made up. Of course, his traumatic childhood was not something Dean could ever completely forget, but at least he was able to forgive. Mostly, he did it for the children, but he was also glad to have his father back in his life. The man was sixty-four, and turned out to be the perfect grandfather for the children. Maybe he needed all those years - some people did - but eventually, realization had hit, and he’d tried his very best to make everything up to his sons, and Castiel, by being the best grandfather the children could wish for.

“Hi, Dad,” Dean greeted, as he pulled his father into a tight hug.

“Hey, watch out there, son. My bones aren’t what they used to be. I'm starting to get fragile,” the older Winchester joked with a smile on his face.

Dean smiled back before stepping aside for Sam to hug their father. Ten years ago, Dean and Sam decided to let their father back into their life and, while their relationship was rusty and delicate at the start, the three men managed to build it up again. Especially when John came to, not only accept, but appreciate Castiel, and Dean made the decision to fully forgive him. Castiel and their children were the most important people in his life, and if anybody wanted to be a part of it, they had to take his family with him. That his father accepted the man he loved so much meant the world to Dean, and he came to see that the man who once broke him had also broken himself, but was now fixed and was his father once again.

“I am glad you could come, John,” Castiel said as he hugged the man.

“I am glad you invited me. I wouldn't miss the birthday of my grandkids for the world.”

“Not that you're going to see much of them. The second the presents are open they’re going to disappear up to their rooms for the rest of the day,” Castiel joked.

“You might be right. But that’s what childhood is all about, right? Enjoying the small things to the fullest… at least, until they get boring. Wouldn't want it any other way.”

When it was time to eat, everyone sat at the big table. Thomas was sitting on Sam’s lap, Shepherd on Ruby’s. The couple fed their sons, taking a couple of bites of their own food in between. Alex was looking at her presents, a brand new football and a baseball mitt and bat set, gleefully, while Charlie was strumming the new guitar John had bought him. Daphne talked to Dorothy and Charlie about their company, and what it was like to live in Singapore, while Dean talked to his father about how his last hunting trip went, and what he had shot. Castiel simply observed everybody while eating.

The food was devoured quickly, and Castiel brought out the cake he’d spent hours working on. The twins blew out the candles while everybody sang happy birthday to them, and then the children were given permission to scurry off together to do whatever they wanted to, while the adults did their own thing. Charlie simply sat on the couch and played his guitar, Daphne bobbing her head along with him and Thomas and Shepherd listening from their places on the floor. Alex instantly ran outside to try her new gear out, pulling a laughing John along, while claiming that even an old man could catch a ball. The others video-called Bobby and Ellen, who were currently vacationing in Hawaii.

“We miss you so much, sweethearts,” Ellen said, smiling into the camera.

“She ain't tellin' the truth. Couldn't be happier to be rid of ya idjits,” Bobby said in his typical grumpy voice.

Ellen punched him in the shoulder gently and everybody, including good old Bobby, laughed.

“We are so sorry we couldn't come to their birthday this year, but we couldn't let these tickets go to waste, and you know the fall weather doesn't sit well with Bobby.”

“It's alright, Ellen. You never miss a single event, and always watch out for them. I don't think they'll be mad if you don't turn up. Plus, you're old, so moving is hard for you anyway,” Dean said, grinning. “Relax and enjoy your vacation.”

“Hey, watch it now, young man. I am still strong enough to put you over my knee for a good  hidin’.”

“Sorry, but that’s Cas’ job.” Dean laughed, winking at her.

“Too much information, boy,” Bobby grunted.

Everybody laughed through the whole conversation. It was nice to have these simple talks with family, especially when life could get so stressful. After a couple of hours, everybody left, mostly because the children were falling asleep where they sat, and Dean and Castiel found themselves alone on the couch. The kitchen was clean, the children were all fast sleep, and there was enough food in the fridge for at least a month, maybe more. Both men relaxed and cuddle up against each other, Dean’s arm resting around Castiel’s shoulders, circling over it softly.

Castiel turned and brushed his lips over Dean’s cheek, before turning his head fully. He kissed his wonderful husband on the lips over and over again. He was too tired to even think about anything more, but kissing was something that always worked. He could kiss Dean in any situation and instantly feel better and calmer.

“Dean?”

“Hm?”

“Can you believe it?”

“Believe what?”

“Twenty-two years.” Castiel said, he voice filled with awe. “We’ve been together for twenty-two years, and married for sixteen. Can you believe it?”

Dean’s lip quirked up at the side, and he shook his head. “No, not really. I mean, sometimes it's hard, don't get me wrong. There were times I wanted to strangle either you or the kids, but besides that, I am far too happy for all of this to be real. Sometimes I wake up next to you in the morning, and I think I’m still dreaming. I actually have to pinch myself, and still can’t believe that this, all of this, is real. That it’s mine.”

“Dean?”

“Hm?”

Castiel kissed him on the lips again and nibbled Dean’s lower lip.

“This _is_ real,” Castiel put his palm down on Dean’s chest, over his heart. “ _This_ is real, and I love you. You are the love of my life, now and forever, remember?”

“Now and forever.”


	32. Boy's...Got Rhythm

“Good morning, baby girl,” Dean greeted his daughter, Daphne.

“Good morning, Daddy. Good morning, Papa,” Daphne sang as she swirled into the room.

“Good morning, birthday girl,” Castiel said with a bright and gently smile.

He moved away from the sink and towards his daughter. Pulling her into a tight, warm hug he planted a kiss on top of her hand. Her siblings were still fast asleep. Of course, it was only seven in the morning, and the weekend, but as always Daphne was wide awake in the early hours; mostly because today was her ninth birthday. It wasn't as if Daphne was one of those children who woke up excited at 5AM and woke their parents up to get their presents as soon as possible. In fact, Daphne never really cared for her presents all that much. What really bugged her, was when she didn't get to plan her whole birthday herself. From baking the cake to the decorations, Daphne had to have the last word.

The only thing Dean and Castiel had to do was choose a theme for Daphne to work with. She wasn't big on surprises, but she liked that her fathers gave her something to go on before she took charge and dragged them through a thousand shops to find everything she needed to impress their guests. As usual, the guests consisted of family members only. Those were the only people Daphne wanted to impress, and she didn’t care much for the opinions of her friends. She was already quite the queen amongst them, and she didn’t see why she needed their approval at all. Quite the feisty girl, she was; just like Castiel and Dean dreamed she would be.

Daphne tugged at Dean’s sleeve until he lifted her up. That way, Daphne could look at the birthday cake Castiel had just finished baking. She loved her papa's cakes just as much as Dean loved his pies when they were teenagers. He still remembered that date at the bakery and all those pies Castiel made him. They were holy to him, just the way Castiel’s cakes were to Daphne. Castiel always laughed about how similar Daphne and Dean were when it came to food. They would literally eat anything, but then they could get so picky and offended about food as well. The fights over which was better, pie or cake, were the highlights of their every meal, because neither Daphne nor Dean would ever admit that the other might have a point.

This year’s theme was 'Monster Hunters'. Usually that would have been something for Alex’s and Charlie’s birthday, but Daphne said that Hunters were heroes and not something to be afraid of, so if that little jerk from her class could have a superhero themed party for his birthday then Daphne could too. Nevermind that she wasn’t even invited to his party because “girls aren’t cool enough” and they “were too weak to be heroes”. That was the first time Dean and Castiel had been called into the school, because Daphne had kicked the boy in his privates for being a jerk.

Now, though, she was looking at the black, glazed chocolate cake with a red devil’s trap drawn on top of it. It really was shocking how good she was at researching stuff she shouldn't even think about at her age. But it was the year 2032, and these days it was normal for kids to use all these technical devices Castiel and Dean didn't have back in their day. Not that they could keep up with all the new techie stuff that was practically thrown at them almost every day. Daphne still preferred to go outside and play in the garden, though. No matter what she did, she always preferred to do it outside, and her parents appreciated that.

Daphne planted a big kiss on Castiel’s cheek for the amazing cake that, as always, turned out just the way she wanted it to. She double checked the decorations with the anti-possession signs all over them. They were just like the ones her Daddy and Uncle Sammy had on their chests, and Daphne thought they were really cool. She checked the Reaper Traps on the tablecloth, and the angel banishing signs she cut out of red paper and hung up on the walls. When everything was to her liking, she went upstairs, pulling Castiel along, and got dressed. When she came back down her hair was in a high ponytail and she was wearing ripped tights, a plaid dress, black boots and a leather jacket, with a fake knife in her right hand and a fake gun in her left. The anti-possession tattoo was now drawn on the left side of her chest with liquid eyeliner they had to buy for this a couple of days ago. A bright, devilish smile curled her lips up. Alex and Charlie were up and dressed, but still sleepy.

“Do you think a dress is a good idea? Isn't that a bit… impractical?” Dean asked, and earned a grumpy look from his daughter. “

No! I can look good and still be a good hunter! I mean, I can still kick ass in a dress, Daddy,” she said, and her fathers laughed.

A couple of hours later the house was filled with laughter and familiar voices. All the guests had come, and everybody enjoyed the unusual theme of Daphne’s Valentine’s Day birthday. Looking around the room, Castiel felt happy and relaxed. That was, until he realized someone was missing; his son Charlie. The shy boy was nowhere to be found, and after ten minutes of searching the house Castiel started to feel uneasy. He told Dean about it and both of them started to look through all the rooms again. Having a big house was nice, searching for children in a big house was not. The longer it took, the worse it made Castiel feel. Anything could have happened to his son, and he couldn't live with the idea of his boy being hurt because he didn't take proper care of him.

In his moment of panic, he found Dean standing on the ladder to the attic, peaking into the room. Castiel heard classical music that sounded like Swan Lake coming from above him. He walked towards Dean, who motioned him to be quiet, and stepped up onto the ladder as well. What he saw was… a surprise! Charlie was sitting at the edge of the room, playing his violin and recording it. When he was done, he pressed a button and, suddenly, an entire orchestra seemed to be playing. Castiel realized that this was not a recording of an actual orchestra, but an amalgamation of Charlie’s playing. He knew his boy was talented and loved music, but this was fantastic. He was only seven and yet he was able to play on a level far above most adults.

But the most astonishing thing happened after that. He kicked off the boots Daphne had forced him to wear (because they fit the theme), and began to dance. Not just swaying to the music, but actual, proper ballet. Of course, his movements weren't perfect, but he had a graceful elegance and obvious passion neither of his fathers could deny. His eyes were closed as he danced through the room and simply enjoyed the sound of the music. Castiel stayed and watched his son, while Dean jumped off the ladder and disappeared for a couple of minutes.

When he returned he was holding a little cardboard box in his hands. Before Castiel could ask, Dean had climbed up and knocked on the wooden opening. Castiel tried to stop him, afraid of their son being intimidated, but before he could say anything, Dean was climbing into the attic where Charlie instantly stopped dancing, and turned down his music. The attic room was more his room than his actual bedroom was. It was filled with guitars, violins, a piano and drums. Charlie loved music. He could, and would, play anything he could make sing. Usually, he and Dean would spend hours by themselves in this room, simply making some noise and enjoying themselves. Charlie was shy, so this was his world, and sharing that with anybody was hard for him, but he loved spending time with his Dad.

Now, he didn't look fondly at the two intruders. He wasn't angry; he was ashamed. His hands were shaking, and his face was almost as red as his hair. The second Dean and Castiel were standing in front of him, his whole body tensed and he stood with his head down, looking everywhere but at his fathers. Something in Dean broke when he saw his son like that. He never wanted him to be afraid of anything, nor ashamed, and he had failed to give his son the assurance that it was okay to feel different.

“D-Dad, Papa. I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“Hey now… you weren't at the party, and we got worried so we searched for you,” Castiel explained gently resting a hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “That was truly beautiful, Charlie. Why didn't you tell us about it?”

“Because you weren't meant to see. At least not yet,” the boy answered. “Boys aren’t supposed to dance ballet, and… and I am not even good at it, really!”

Castiel shook his head. “It was good. And you can get better, if you like. How about you take lessons?”

Charlie’s whole face opened up, and he looked at his father with wide eyes. The same blue as Castiel’s.

“I could do that? You’re not mad?”

This time it was Dean who stepped forwards. He went to his knees in front of his son and rested his hand on the boy’s head, brushing through that red hair of his gently. Castiel stepped away a bit to give the two of them a moment. Dean looked at the shoebox in his hands before he handed it to Charlie, who glanced at it confused.

“Today is Daphne’s birthday, not mine.”

“I know that, son. But I want you to have this anyway. Please… open it.”

Charlie obliged, although it wasn't his time to receive presents, and opened the package to find a pair of pink ballet shoes. They were his size, and looked so pretty that he had to pull them out that instant. The silk sparkled in the light, and his blue eyes widened in joy. They were old, that much was certain. Charlie, who was smart enough to have done his own research, looked at them and assumed that they were at least three decades old, if not more. It felt like he had his own piece of history in his hands, and Charlie couldn't have been happier than at that moment. He brushed his fingers over the soft material gently, and smiled to himself.

“You see… when I was your age, I really wanted to be a dancer too.”

“Really?” “Yep, really. But back then I wasn't allowed to. It was something only gay people would do, and being gay wasn't as accepted when I was your age.”

“But... I’m not gay.”

“What?”

“I’m not gay, Dad. I know you and Papa are, and I don’t want to upset you.”

Dean was struck completely by surprise, and Castiel chuckled quietly. His husband, who was trying to process that information, blinking rapidly, and Castiel was about to burst into laughter. This was not what Dean had expected, and it was written all over his face.

“What?” he asked again, sounding even more confused than before.

“Well, um… I was in school, and we talked about our parents and what jobs they did. I said that Papa was a teacher. A really, really smart one, and all his students love him. And then I said that Daddy was a super brave firefighter. Everybody said it was really cool, and some of them were really jealous. Their parents only do lame stuff. But… no one else said they had two daddys. Everyone else had a mom and a dad.”

“Oh, Charlie.” Castiel said. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, don't be,” Charlie said quickly. “Don't ever be sorry. You and Daddy are the best parents ever, and I don’t care that I don't have a mom. I have you, and I don't feel like I’m missing out or anything. And I’ve got Daphne and Alex, and they agree with me that we don’t need a mom. We all love you, and we love that you are who you are, and that’s why I was so ashamed of not being like you.”

Castiel and Dean put their arms around him. “Ah, Charlie... You don't have to be ashamed of that. Although… you seem very sure about your sexuality for a seven year old. Do you like someone?”

“Well,” Charlie said, looking away and blushing again. His fingers clenched around the shoes. “There’s this girl. Her name is Hannah Melek and she’s so, so pretty. She has this dark brown hair, and these pretty blue eyes, just like you Papa, and we sit together in school. She’s really nice, and polite, and we don't have to talk so much, but we still kinda get along, you know?”

“I see.” Castiel blinked, looking thoughtful. “Melek… as in Michael Melek?”

“Yes! That's her dad. Her sister’s called Naomi. Naomi’s older, but she’s not very nice. Hannah thinks she’s great, but Naomi can be really horrible.”

Castiel laughed while Dean looked pained.

“Seems to be in the genes,” Cas joked.

The room was quiet for a moment before Dean took a deep breath and planted a kiss on Charlie’s forehead.

“So, you’re not gay. That’s perfectly fine by me. But you still want to dance, right?”

“Yeah! I mean not in front of everybody… not even family. But I still wanna dance, yeah!”

Dean grinned. “So, do like these shoes? I can buy you new ones if you-”

“No! I love these ones... I don't want new ones,” Charlie said, cutting his father off and making his parents chuckle.

“Well, then, here,” he said, taking the shoes from his son. “Let me help you.”

Dean slipped the pink ballet shoes onto Charlie’s feet and wove the ribbons around his legs, before tying them off and stepping back to inspect his son’s feet. They fit perfectly, and Charlie looked at them in awe. He hugged his Dad quickly before turning the music back on, and began to dance through the whole attic. Charlie seemed even more happy and confident about his movements than before, as he glided around the room. Both his fathers watched him, Castiel sobbing happily and Dean’s eyes sparkling treacherously as well. He pulled Castiel in for a hug.

“He’s the age I was back then,” Dean said, simply.

“It’s perfect,” Castiel whispered after a while. “You really are a perfect father.”

And for the first time, Dean really believed him. He was a perfect father, he was born to be a father, and Cas gave him the chance to find that out for himself. So he bent down and kissed the tears away from Castiel’s cheeks before gently kissing him all over his face, holding him in his arms tightly.

“We both are.”

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo this is it! I sincerely hope you enjoyed my fic! If you did (or didn't) feel free to tell me so in the comments :D
> 
> If you want to have a chat or something hit me up on tumblr ;)
> 
> http://doctorsherlockhalewinchester.tumblr.com/
> 
> Love  
> Laura


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